Newlyweds and Already No Sex

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@mrsdejournett:  Your husband job sounds a lot like mine. If he is salaried/exempt (which I assume he is), a lot of this can be self imposed. He needs to work out a balance between his work life and home life. 


Does he need to take every call at home? Does he absolutely have to work over 12 hours a day? He may be going overboard to prove himself, which is a difficult position to be in.


It would be helpful to know if the employer is requiring him to work those hours & take calls at home, or if this is something he is just choosing to do to out of pressure to perform. 





Post # 4
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Even if he was home, the likelihood of you getting laid might not be great anyway!

My DH is TOTALLY freaked out by the belly, and I think a LOT of women share that story. My best advice is to make sure you carve out lots of “personal time” into your mornings/nights/whenever!

Post # 5
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@mrsdejournett:  Have you tried morning sex? Also, setting up a sex night once it twice a week and doing the deed whether you’re tired or not can help you get back into the rhythm. Try to have sex as early in the evening as possible because he may truly be too exhausts by bedtime.

Post # 6
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@mrsdejournett:  Aw that sucks. DH is temporarily working the night shift so he’s sleeping during the day so it really doesn’t help our sex life. Plus, I’ve been really nauseas for the beginning of my pregnancy so when he does initiate I’m like nooo. Lol We just make sure that we have some “us” time on his weekends, at least once during his weekend. So maybe just tell him that you have to pick one day out of the week to be intimate, maybe a day where he won’t have too much going on ?

Post # 7
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@mrsdejournett:  lol my fiance says he won’t be like that but I have a funny feeling he will be scared to death. 

Post # 8
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@mrsdejournett:  I LOVE morning sex and DH loves it in the evening. By the time he’s ready to get it on at night I’m usually half asleep and tell him to leave me alone, when I get frisky in the morning he says he’s too tired and to leave him alone. And now I’m 7 1/2 months pregnant on top of it all 😉 when my DH took a promotion at work our sex life took a huge nose dive also, we went from 3-5x/week to 1-2/month. The month we got our BFP we had sex 5 days in a row and he was like “god enough already, no more sex” I laugh now and say good thing i got my BFP quickly because I don’t know how many months in a row he’d be up for multiple days in a row of sex. 😉 In all seriousness his stress at work has really made it hard for us to get it on. We eventually got into the routine of having late morning sex on the weekends. I’d wake up at normal time (8am-ish) and go about my morning and head back to the bedroom around 10:30/11 when DH woke up and snuggle and get frisky with him. Have an open conversation with him, what your needs are and see if you can find a compromise, even if its only 1/week. Would you be happy with other forms of touching that didn’t involve penetration? I love my hubby’s frisky hands. I’m sure there’s a comprimse to be had but it must start with an open conversation. Good luck, keep us posted!

Post # 9
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We have been married less then three months, I’m also pregnant and ready to go and he does the same thing.

No advice, just sympathy lol.

If you find a cure let me know!

Post # 10
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think your husband needs to learn to draw the line on work after hours.

FI had his work email on his phone for a while, it was beeping constantly and I was furious… he took it off after a few weeks (would get 12 emails over dinner!) but I pointed out that he doesn’t get PAID for that, and even if he did, what is he really going to accomplish from home? He’s just stressing himself out.
Even if he had an office phone, I’d hope that he let his bosses know he has at-home “office hours”and after that the phone goes on silent/is shut off. I know I would (whether or not that made anyone happy is their problem – I do not live to serve)
Work cannot consume your life like that, because then you’d have no life.

A new job won’t help much if your husband doesn’t know how to leave work at work.

Post # 11
1549 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m not pregnant and my dh does this. He leaves for work at 5 am and gets home at 9 at night. At 930 he gets in the shower and the second we get into bed he says good night. He’s only home for 8 hours! He’s always tired. Even when he’s home longer he has to catch up on sleep. Its the 5am thing that’s the worst! Weekend s are  really the only time we can. Um yes we might be trying for a while. 

Post # 12
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Morning sex is working better for us too! I get home between 6-6:30, we eat, then we go to the gym from like 8:30-9:30, shower, watch some TV and then that’s it! We neeeever want to do anything during week nights. And weekends is tricky depending on what’s going on. So I’ve found that morning is actually not a bad time! Week days are quicker, and weekends can be longer if we don’t have to get up. 

Post # 14
7055 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mrsdejournett:  But surely he’s allowed to eat, wash and sleep, and it’s acceptable for his calls to go to message bank and he calls back in an hour or so? (Heck I remember once getting 3 messages calls during a single lovemaking session. Pause, listen to the message, and carry on 🙂 ) So I think your husband needs to set boundaries, e.g. after a certain hour he never answers his phone but always lets it go to message bank. Even if he’s not having sex, it’s reasonable think that after 10 or 11 pm he’s in the shower or in bed.

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