Post # 1
When I got married, the last thing that I imagined for us to deal with would be in-law issues. We were pretty close and after dating my hubby for so long, I thought there wouldn’t be any issues. Well, I was wrong. Looking back, I wish I would have known how to deal with these issues before hand. In hind sight, I would have handled my situation in a different way for my own sanity. I would not have let it hurt me so much.
Does anyone have any advice for Brides to be?
Post # 3
My last relationship fell apart for various reasons, but the IL issue was the straw that broke the camel’s back… I learned a lot from it.
My advice? Let your Darling Husband deal with any issues that arise with them and do the same with issues with your family. Come up with a united front before he talks to them about bigger issues. Figure out the boundaries, and go with them, make sure he stays strong. Also, realize that they may say/do things that could really bug you or even hurt you without really meaning it. Don’t fight every battle, but also don’t put your marriage second.
Post # 4
I completely agree with MapleBecky. For me and my husband, our policy is that he deals with his side of the family and I deal with mine. However, I’m lucky when it comes to the in-laws because my husband isn’t that close with his family anyway! I can put up with anything in the three times a year that I have to deal with them.
Post # 5
@MapleBecky: Great advice!
@misslene: That is how we are, but his family doesn’t know boundaries. They will call me and/or my family with the drama and we have no choice but to handle it. My hubby is left to pick up the pieces. We had to have a heart to heart with them last time to draw a firm line.
My advice is to not get baited into drama. If there is an issue, let your spouse handle it no matter what. I’ve been put in the position where I had to set them straight, and I really wish I would’ve just hung up. Even though they were wrong, I was wrong because they didn’t want to hear that from me. I was wrong be default. lol
Post # 6
@MapleBecky: That is really good advice. Thanks! I could really use that cuz I’ve already had some issues with the Inlaws and I will need all the help I can get for the future.
Post # 7
I’m glad it could help, I wished I had someone give me advice back then. The ex is also the father of my child and I still have a very strained relationship (none, really) with his parents.
With drama, I would make sure you stay aware of the fact that drama is drama and will often blow over if people don’t react to it. If you do react, let it be a delayed reaction so it is more of a genuine response and not something you will say or do that you will regret. If it’s over the phone, cut the conversation short, let yourself vent or whatever, and then face them again after it.
I hate dramatic situations. What really hurt us was that my ex didn’t want to hurt his mother and would often put himself in the middle of situations, which made them seem 100% worse. It then became a he said, she said, because he was relaying what the other one said back and forth instead of picking a stance that supported us and not having to hash out every word and thought his mother (or I) had about a situation.
Edit- Also make sure he knows that he doesn’t have to share every thought and feeling you have said to him with them. Even if they ask.
Post # 8
@MapleBecky: This is really fantastic advice.
I have had tons of issues with my IL’s that were unexpected. We really got along quite well until Darling Husband and I got engaged. I have just recently learned to let Darling Husband handle the battles. I stay out of it and communicate my issues with him, not in an angry way, but enough for him to get the point and then he deals with he family. It has made it easier since I committed to this. It’s tough at times though because I’m so vocal, but I’m working on it.
Post # 9
BITE YOUR TONGUE, I learned the hard way, that me and my soon to be mother in law will not always see eye to eye, and it is best to bite my tongue rather than having my Fiance choose sides, especially if it is on a smaller issue. Now the bigger issues, I talk to my Fiance about them privately and ask him how I should handle it and just go from there.
Post # 10
This is great advice! Keep it coming ladies!