Newlyweds! Living with in-laws after marriage…Some advice please!

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I live with my parents, my brother, and my FI right now. We’ve been living in the situation for about 4 years now due to his family issues, financial issues, him going back to school, blah blah blah. Let me tell you right now. I hate it. I’m done. I want out. I love my family, but this is not fun!

Come up with a short term plan to get yourself out of debt. If it will take you only 3 months of living with your in-laws to get out of debt, do it. But if it will take any longer, don’t. I know it has all to do with my current situation, but I would rather be in debt for 6 more months as apposed to 3 if it meant living out on our own.

I know my mom and I have had kind of a rocky relationship the past few months. I also know that it will be 10 times better once we no longer live in the same house. Your relationship with your FI is most important so if you think it won’t take a toll on how you live your lives as newlyweds, go for it and be happy you’ll be out of debt soon!

Post # 4
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My opinion is DON’T DO IT UNLESS YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO.  I had a relationship absolutely ruined this way, both with the person I was with and with the parents.  Too many adults with too many opinions and different ways of doing things.  Disaster waiting to happen.  Again, this is just from my experience.

Post # 6
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MrsP0801:  We would consider living with my ILs in the future, in order for me to pursue a job opportunity in their area. Some important things to consider:

Physical space: Is there enough space for 4 adults, with more than 1 bathroom in the house? Is it possible to sleep on a different floor, so you can easily have private conversations?

Money: What bills would you be expected to pay? What will they pay for?

Social life: Are your ILs ok with your social habits? Would you be able to host friends? 

Timing: Would you HAVE to move in with them right away? Could you wait a few months to establish yourselves as a married couple and then make the move? Even if you live together now I think this is a good idea. If you don’t live together now, I really don’t think it’s smart to move in with FI and has family right after the wedding. 

Also related the issue of timing is to have a set move-out date in mind. 

Intimacy: Would your FI have a problem being intimate with you in his parents’ house?

Post # 7
Member
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’ve lived with my in-laws for a year now. Some days I can’t stand it and despise the situation but most days its fine. Our problem is I can’t legally work so I’m in the house all. the. time. Somedays I feel like the onky thing I do is cook, do dishes and clean uo after SO. Unfortunately for us it was this or I lived 2-4 hours away. Granted that’s better than the 12 I was but we didn’t want it. 

Its also weird because we don’t sleep in the same room. So that doesn’t really help things in the newlywed department. Its better now that SO works a weird schedule and is often off during the week so we have the house to ourselves. 

It often feels like I’m living with my parents and my relationship with MIL has definitely changed for the worse. She views me as the daughter she never had even tho my SIL has been a part of the family for  a lot longer then I have. It out a strain in my relationship with SIL but niw that she knows how anniyed I get its better. 

I know I sound like I’m an ungrateful bitch but I’m not. I’m very glad that I can see SO everyday after being long distance for 3 years it just isn’t an ideal situation. 

The first 3-6 months wasn’t bad but then maternal instinct took over. SO can backtalk his parents or just ignore them but I’m nit their child so I can’t. In turn it makes me so mad at him because everything gets put on me. So when MIL is asking her daily 7 million questions I have to answer them because he wont. 

Its definitely something to seriously think about. Is it really only going to be 3 minths? Where are you going toput your stuff? Storage units are expensive and mine is 2 hours away so if I need anything I need to plan ahead or end up buying it. I can’t just come and go anymore without being questioned on where and why. Am I going to be home for dinner? 

I’m sorry this is so long I just felt like I needed to put it out there. Feel free to message me if you have other questions. 

Post # 8
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

My husband and I lived at my parent’s basement for 3 years right after marriage. We got along just fine, they really welcomed him to the family. It was a little hard for him (he’s the one that cooks, and didn’t want to cook in my parent’s house), and the parking situation was kind of hard (always having to move the cars), etc.

However, it helped us pay off $15,000 of student loans, and save $20K to buy a house!

I wouldn’t have done it any other way. I really skipped renting an apartment, and went straight to buy a house 🙂

If it’s only for 3-4 months, then do it.

Post # 10
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

We will be doing that next year… get married, I move in with he and his mom for about a year until we’ve saved our pennies and our house is completed.

As long as it is not forever, I’ll do it.

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