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Please share advice about what you'd have done differently if you knew then what you know now.
Is there something you'd do-over?
Would you get more sleep? Not have a certain Bridesmaid? Hire a coordinator?
I would have taken better care of myself before the wedding. I got bronchitis the week of the wedding and with everything we had to left to do, I just couldn't see how I could make time to get to the doctor. My family forced me to go 2 days before the wedding and thank god they did because I would have felt even more miserable on my wedding day than I did the days previous.
My advice to the brides to be: get lots of rest, make sure you eat some healthy meals, and if you see any sign of sickness in the weeks before the wedding, go to the doctor pronto to nip in the bud before it gets out of hand. And above all, don't let all the last minute things get to you, the extra stress isn't worth it! 
I would have made sure my photographer knew everything I wanted pictures of. I spent A LOT of time on details, and having pictures of them was important to me, but there were a few missing that I am a little sad about. Just for example; I had set of 4 fire pit areas (my wedding was outside by a lake), all of which had s'more stations. There are NO pictures of this, and it was a really big hit. I had dreams of pictures of people in the adirondack chairs, eating s'mores, but there are none. Be specific if its something you care about!
Also, I would have sent him an invitation to take pictures of.
I also would have sent myself an invitation because I shipped all of them to Bridal Veil, OR to get the post mark, but now have no record of that. Maybe I'll steal my sister's!
I can't wait to see what people post! I've been trying to forsee this issue already.
I would have gotten a different photographer and maybe videographer. Iwould have had more journalistic photography. I also would have been smarter about how I transported my DIY project. My favors were all wrapped like presents. The bows got smushed, due to my packing :( I didn't realize what happened until the reception. (Too late.)
just tied the know this past weekend. I would have had a smaller bridal party and had a secret room that no one knew about...ahhhhh...the drama...
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I would have had all my girls get ready with me. I was bummed they wanted to get ready at their own hotels, but not getting ready with me meant that some of them were late for pictures. I didn't get nearly as many bridal party fun pictures as I wanted.
1. Made sure all family/friends who had a responsibility were aware of that -- even if it meant double-checking on my FI! My SIL screamed at me during the rehearsal dinner because FI had forgotten to tell her about her "job."
2. Done my hair and makeup before my MOH, and taken away my friend/makeup+hair artist's cell phone. Her FI was having a bad morning (read: temper tantrum!) and she took ten calls from him in the time it took to get the hair and makeup done for two girls. Because I waited, and because she did such an elaborate updo for my MOH and basically nothing for me (I had really long blond curly hair and was wearing it down), we got NO pictures of just me and my family before the ceremony. There are TONS of pics of variations on his side, but all my family's pics are with the two of us and not very many of those.
3. Put a return address on my invites! We were both changing addresses after the wedding, and hadn't picked the place when the invitations went out, so silly me thought that since people were RSVPing online, they wouldn't need one. Then my great-aunt sent our wedding gift to the care of the church we got married in. Oops. :) I'm pretty sure we got fewer gifts because of this oversight.
4. Gotten food earlier! I was scraping the bottoms of the dishes in our buffet line after the cake cutting and mingling I did like a good little bride, and I was really looking forward to some of that stuff!
5. Not stayed so late -- we felt so obligated to be with family and friends who had traveled, and to help clean up. that we ended up having a very informal send-off. I wish I had planned for something nicer. As it was, our car was packed to the gills (I got in and they put stuff around me) because we were spending the wedding night at our new house and we didn't want any family or friends ferrying over gifts or other items that evening.
I would have done a rehearsal!!! We had a simple ceremony and small wedding party, so we thought we didn't need one... wrong. We didn't realize until DURING the ceremony that no one had the rings - no one knew who was supposed to have them! I also would have been pushier with the photographer to make sure that we got the shots we wanted. I gave him a list and reviewed it with him beforehand. I didn't see him take the shots I wanted, but thought it would magically work out. Wrong. I would have spent less and done something more casual, made my dress like I wanted to (but was talked out of), and made my SIL a bridesmaid even though the sides would have been "uneven."I also kind of wish that we hadn't done something big for our honeymoon. We were just tired and wanted to relax together. We would have been happy going someplace near home, and I didn't feel like we really took full advantage of our big, international trip. I would have stressed less about work before and after the wedding, and probably taken more vacation time before the wedding. (I only took about 2-3 days).
Things I'm glad I did: Hired a band. My husband had to talk me into it, but it was wonderful! It added a lot of atmosphere and was way more fun than a DJ. Did my own flowers; maybe I would have had a florist do the bouquets and bouts, but I'm definitely happy that I (with help of friends and family) did the centerpeices. Used the standard linens from the venue. Made simple invites rather than paying for the expensive ones or complicated DIY. Wrote our own vows and ceremony!!! Hired a judge instead of an "officiant." Got my hair and make-up done professionally (whew!). Had a big wedding - for my parents. I didn't appreciate beforehand how important the wedding would be for them!
All the things I might have done differently are minor in the grand scheme of our wedding, so they won't really help anyone else. I can definatley say what I'm glad I did though--
I'm glad we had the wedding we wanted. We made concessions here and there for our families' sake, but overall the wedding turned out exactly as we had hoped in terms of the flow of activities and the atmosphere of the party. That fact alone made up for a lot of little hiccups that some people might have been upset about. My advice would be to talk a lot about the big picture with your FI, and try to stay in touch with it throughout the process. It will make decision-making easier.
Get a picture of both families together... HELLO DUH how did I miss that?
Had a bottle of champange in the room where I put on my dress... My MOH and I were there for like an hour and had nothing to do!
It rained on and off and I stood on a blanket in a lot of the shots so i wouldn't get my dress dirty, the photog said they would airbrush it out... but it turned out to be pretty difficult so most of the pictures have this ugly flannel blanket in it
I would have eloped. 
But really, all of the regrets from my wedding came because of the drama caused by family members. To do it over again, I would have tried to convince my husband to take a whole month off, make it our wedding and honeymoon, and make it JUST US.
The things I am really glad about are the photographers we hired (I'm so glad we didn't go for the cheaper one we were looking at), inviting my SIL to the salon with me the morning of the wedding (she was awesome!), and my dress (after a little bit of doubt, I ended up falling back in love with it at the wedding).
I wish I had not spent so much time stressing about "what could go wrong." Nothing went wrong, and I spent months agonizing over nothing. I wish I had taken a few extra months to plan, because there were a lot of little details I would have liked to have that I just didn't have time for.
I am glad that I stood up to my FMIL when she tried to go over my head about certain things. I've posted about this problem before, but she made me the maddest I've been on the night before the wedding. At the rehearsal our photographer told me that she had given her her own shot list for posed pictures, even after we explicitly told her we would not be doing any posed portraits beyond a few with the bridal party and a few with our parents. She had asked for multiple extended family pictures. I called her over and told her without any room for argument that we would not be using her shot list. She got over it, and I didn't have to stand around forever taking posed pictures (the 20 minutes we spent doing them were horrible- it was about a million degrees in the church and my feet were aching on those unforgiving floors).
Ooo...I did a series on this that peopel thought was fairly informative...if you missed it, you can access all of the posts here: http://www.weddingbee.com/2008/06/18/looking-back-continued-10/
Both great information, love it and thanks gals!
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I totally agree about the list of must take pictures like Bree72 mentioned above! I didn't realize how important certain shots were to me until I didn't have them done! Oh well, in the grand scheme of things I did love my weddings pictures, but I am a bit sad about those shots I will never get a chance to do again.
All-in-all, our day was pretty fabulous.
I think if I had a "do over" it would be to tell myself to relax and just enjoy it. I was so worried about all my little things working out that I didn't relax and enjoy the evening until the dinner started...
So I guess my advice would be to not sweat the small stuff & also to just relax when things don't go completely the way you had anticipated they would- no one will notice the things you didn't do!!!
Our wedding was fabulous, too! The only thing that went wrong was that we ran low on chardonnay and the bartender had to make a packie run. At least that's the only thing that my family has told me went wrong. My one regret is that we didn't ask the caterer to pack up some of the leftovers for us to have the next day (enough for two). The food was wicked good! I also wish my mom hadn't missed the last three songs of the night b/c she was with my elderly aunt in the house (wedding was in a tent in our back field).
I will definitely post more about things I'm glad we did, but for now here's the skinny: Photographer --she was awesome, totally willing to take off her shoes (literally) and step into the freezing brook for some fun pics. Nephews --So glad they had a small role in the wedding party (ushers); they did such a great job (surprisingly!) and I know it made my sister (their mom) super happy that we asked them to be involved. Centerpieces --I made them myself, even picked many of the flowers we used. They came out great! Caterer --Food was amazing! How's that for finding a caterer at the local farmer's market? Dress --My mom was right! (how it pains me to write that!) Should've had her seamstress do the alterations to begin with, but glad I had her finish the alterations and add the lace detail. It added so much to the dress.
I wouldve had a different MOH (or had 2). Its not that I dont love my MOH because I do, but I wish I wouldve asked another friend that I am closer to. I asked my MOH because we were good friends (but dont work at the same job anymore) and I had said a couple years ago she would be my MOH so it felt like it was out of obligation. I am my other friends MOH and I wish I wouldve asked her to be mine because we are so much closer than I am with my MOH.
I wouldve had a different DJ too, who could play the right song for me to walk down the aisle to (among other things) :)
Almost everything went smoothly, but there are a couple things I'd re-do.
1. Spend a little less time on weddingbee and other wedding sites and just do the DIY project already! I kept trying to come up with the BEST ideas and then they ended up getting left til the last minute when I started to not care anymore and did a poor job.
2. I DIY'd my flowers and they were ok, but would have been way better had I just ordered them 2 days earlier. I was so paranoid that they'd be wilting if I ordered them when the website suggested that I ordered them too close to the wedding and a lot of the blooms were not fully opened and not nearly as pretty as they would have been. That also meant I needed to use more flowers because the closed flowers took up less room.
3. One good photo of my husband and I standing and looking straight at the camera. The only ones we have where we're both looking right at the camera include our family or bridal party.
4. Chosen to get ready in the room upstairs. We had our ceremony at a historic mansion and the bridal suit was downstairs and slightly larger than the grooms suite, which was upstairs. It would have been fine since we were going to get married outside except that it decided to rain so everyone ran inside and loitered in the hallway right outside my room. Not only was it annoying to hear all the commotion when I wanted it quiet, but people who weren't supposed to kept walking in and people left the door open when walking in and out so anyone walking by could see me. Arggg.
1. We would have given our DJ a cd w/our first dance song so she wouldnt have been playing it through her Iphone and gottena call 1/2 way through our choreohgraphed dance!
2. Would have given photographer list of images I wanted.
3. Would have scheduled hair/make up to come earlier so avoid the rushing.
4. Wouldnt have agonized over details and turned into a control freak, I am still surprised my husband married me!
I would have stressed less and hired a professional DOC. Also, we should have had two make up artists instead of one- I should have pushed that point with the salon.
I would have:
1. Asked the photographer to try and get at least one picture of each guest. It turned out, if you weren't on the dance floor, there weren't any pictures of you.
2. Would have just bought a cake-topper or at least put some flowers on it. I didn't think it was important, but it looked naked without one.
3. Taken better care of myself: like most brides I wanted to lose weight or at least tone, but I didn't really and it was from lack of trying. I had 13 months!
4. Tried to be more specific with the DJ. I didn't really care that much about the music, but looking back I wish he'd played more of a variety some how.
That was it. And in the end these things weren't a big deal and I loved everything else.
This is always tough for me. I read on one of the bride blogs (east side bride, maybe) about her not wanting to "shake the glitter off" of the day. In the interest of helping others:
Hire a professional DOC. I just paid my SILs nanny a little extra, and the ONLY thing she did was pick up cakes. Complete waste, no one was at the church when the guests arrived, and I think it was kind of a zoo.
Not succumbed to the last minute "whatever it costs is fine" temptation. In the final week before our (destination) wedding we were running around buying things. Nothing huge, but by the time we bought him $20 socks, $40 undershirt (whaaa?), a rehearsal dinner dress for me, more makeup then I will ever need (and the list goes on and on) we ended up spending almost $1,500. We would never do that in normal life, and I regret it now.
Have someone assigned to reapply your makeup at the reception!! Thank God we did pictures before hand, because after the tears of the ceremony and the heat my face was a mess. I was having fun and never even thought about it. But I sort of cringe at all of our later in the day, candid shots. Vain, I know.
Lastly, I think we spent so much time worrying about our guests good time, that I forgot to plan for our own. Yes, it was fun and beautiful and I loved it. But still, I wish I had focused on myself a little more. We did a bluegrass band, which people loved. But I am not much of a dancer, very self conscious and the music was not amateur dance friendly. I barely danced all night. It seems like such a small thing, but I wish I had thought to set aside a little ipod time for later on.
On the upside, one major regret I had was not telling our photographer about the balcony at the chapel. I was kicking myself for weeks for missing out on those amazing sweeping shots of our ceremony. Low and behold she sends the CD, and the second shooter had found it on her own. They are hands down some of my favorite shots. I could kiss her!!
1. would have eloped. =) my family would've hated it, but in the end they ended up hating me anyway so it would've saved me all that time and stress!
2. would have hired a DOC. i didn't get one b/c our wedding was too complicated (3 diff ceremonies) but if i just had 1 ceremony and could pay someone else to handle the event planning- it would have saved me from many crises (such as my cousin asking me about alcohol at the reception and my mom blaming me for guests getting lost).
3. would have hired a prof. videographer. i paid a student to do it and well.. got student quality. the video was grainy and i really regret that, esp to my parents.
4. would have SLEPT EARLIER the night before!!! i think i slept 2 hrs the night before the wedding and i had to wake up at 6 am for makeup and our reception lasted till midnight. it is evident in the photos- my eyeslids were droopy and i could barely hold my smile in place.
5. would have fought less and given up what i wanted to make the family happy - i know this one is tough to digest, but in hindsight, i wish i was less selfish about "my" wants and just given in. i had too many arguments with my family over trivial things like favors, rings, etc that really damaged our relationships. i should've just let them do what they want, without them tearing me down in the process. weddings are supposed to be joyous occasions, not the end of a family relationship.
I would have gotten ready before the rest of the wedding party and mothers. I was the last person to get hair and makeup, however I thought with two hours before the start of the ceremony, that was enough time. Well totally wrong. The makeup artist had a hard time putting on my fake lashes, which is another thing I regret because I had never worn fake lashes before.
By the time my makeup and hair were done, I had to rush to get dress and go down the aisle on time.
I didn't get to see my family or bridal party get dressed or share that time together. I also didn't even get to take the getting ready pictures or pictures with my family or bridal party. I'm still bum about it!
THe whole time from getting ready to walking down the aisle was frantic and rushed. I wished I just took my sweet time instead, even if it meant that the ceremony would have started 20-30 minutes late. More bummed thinking about that too.
Excellent info! Thank you! I will keep checking back ... I'm looking for all the tips I can get!
I addition to having my friend man the computer with the ipod playlist, I would have written a homemade note telling people not to touch the music. It would have read, "We hope you are enjoying our playlist. If you are not, we look forward to dancing to your own personal music list at YOUR wedding. In the meantime, please don't touch the computer. Thank you!".
We had one guy come up and try to start the music over in the quest to hear one song again. I snapped at him, and regret that... but he totally killed the mood and then I had to fight off dozens of vulture amature DJs from fiance's side. It was an unfortunate moment that only lasted 20 minutes or so, but left a bad taste in my mouth.
Even the i-pod DJ needs to take a break now and then :)
1. I had 2 maids of honor and 1 matron of honor. Given the opportunity to do it again- I wouldn't have picked any of them to be in such a high position. I would have had 1 person standing by my side, which was the only person that really helped me throughout my wedding planning. And she was a DIY goddess, at that.
2. I had 110 guests who RSVP-ed and it was overwhelming. I realized that there were actually a lot people who were there that I didn't particularly care for who spent my reception being a tad snarky. I would have a do-over by making my wedding a much more intimate affair with 40-50 guests, which means it would have only been family. lol
3. I would have a small restaurant reception in Hawaii instead of at a banquet room at the Moana Surfrider. I'd still have the ceremony there, but not the reception. It was just too overwhelming and the food was horrible.
At least I know what to do for our 10 year wedding anniversary, now. lol!
@Doctor Girl: I probably would have done more than snap! =D We're planning on locking down my fiance's computer so that no one can change anything, even if his brother (DJ) and a sign don't manage to keep them away.
Make sure your parents are ready extra early.
I gave mine a freakin' PRINT OUT on when we were leaving the house. Apparently to my dad, this meant "take a shower and put on tux" because we were THIRTY MINUTES LATE to my own damn wedding. WTH. He said it was my mom and I's fault b/c we didn't tell him when to shower. Ummmmmmmmmm.
- I fully intended on having a friend or family member tape our wedding. I delegated the task of finding someone and thought it was taken care of...but it wasn't. Wish we had a video!
- Would have been more generous with some close friends bringing guests. If they had asked, I would have said yes, but I didn't even think about approaching it with some people because we didn't have much extra room (i.e. next to none).
- gone somewhere more secluded for our honeymoon. loved it, but that's the truth!
Overeall, it was wonderful and we had a great time...and our guests seemed to really enjoy themselves, too.
I wish I'd done a video or at least asked a family member to spend 15-20 minutes shooting some video for us to watch. It's been 4 weeks since our wedding and I am dying to see more pictures, etc.
I also wish I had personally asked two more people (family members) to help set-up the day before and the morning of. As it was, we finished what we needed to but not without my MOH, brother-in-law, and BF stressing out (I was fine, relatively).
I have very few major regrets, thank goodness, but here are my thoughts in hindsight:
I wish we had been more organized about formal family shots. I had a list, but I should have distributed it to the family members it involved a day or two in advance... as it was, everyone scattered during cocktail hour, and we missed out on some shots.
I wish I had spent LESS time eating (husband insisted we enjoy our meals and take our time) because we could have had conversation with more guests before the dancing began.
I wish we had requested that a tray of hors d'oeuvres be set aside for us to eat after we took our pictures - someone brought them to me in the bridal suite before the ceremony, and they were amazing, but my husband missed out entirely.
I wish I had gotten everything done WAY in advance because I spent the last few days STRESSING
I wish I had actually made an effort to get in shape because I had an AMAZING photographer, but even good photography can't hide the fact that I have back fat :)
Now here's what I am SO GLAD we did-
Spent the extra money on a DJ, videographer, limo, good photographer. We were in great hands and the day went very smoothly. Paid for all my maids to stay overnight in the same hotel so they could all get ready together. Did the ceremony our way. My Jewish family nearly fell out of their chairs when my SIL read from Ephesians, but that's what we want for our marriage!! So glad we did not leave for our honeymoon til the next day - we had time to relax, open gifts, say goodbye to family, and not be stressed.
Mrs.Kura: I agree with your suggestion regarding having one special person, that's what I'm doing! My sister will be the only one standing- I chose her to be my MOH.
oh one more thing-- bring a backup pair of shoes! i randomly bought some blinged out flip flops in my colors off etsy as a joke... and then after my ceremony got a killer blister from my fancy shoes and had no choice but to switch!
Honestly, my DH and I loved our wedding, however, there was some drama as I pointed out in a previous posting trying to move on. Really, heart felt looking back on it now, I (we) probably would have done what we really wanted to do in the beginning instead of compromising for our families and eloped to the courthouse or eloped where we were married at, ALONE. We really wanted to do the courthouse and then a big dinner party out and then hitting the night scene to all our favorite hot spots but some family was not too keen on the idea. They thought that we would look back and regret it.
My only other word of advice other than do what you want, is that if you are doing an OOT wedding or someplace where everyone has to travel to, do not allow anyone, especially family that is involved in the process, to arrive the day off. My dear inlaws had to due to thier business, but they got lost and ended being really, really late. We were 15 minutes away from leaving and had to almost leave with out them and it caused alot of undue stress.
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