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First of all, you need to breathe, and relax. Stress CAN affect your cycle... and it sounds like you are stressed about a lot right now. Perhaps seeing a councilor can help you relax about things you can't control? Which will also probably help as a mother too one day :-)
We use NFP and have been (knock on wood :) successful. We use the STM approach and I never actually "took a class" on it. It was all self taught.
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OK, It sounds to me, like you should get the book, "Taking Charge of your fertility." It explains EVERYTHING (and sometimes gives way more info than needed.) I keep it handy at all times so if I have a question, I can look it up. This is the book that "taught" me NFP. It is invaluable.
Ideally, to involve your husband, HE should chart your temp/write it down, etc. My husband doesn't do that, be he DOES ask me every day what it was. At this point he knows which levels of numbers and changes mean what.
As for sleep, If it's "That crucial" of a time, err on the side of caution. However, the main thing is 3 consecutive hrs of sleep. If you wake up at 3 and not 4, take your temp at 3 first. If you oversleep, for every half hr you sleep in the temp tends to rise about 1/10th of a degree.
You MUST learn how to check your Cervical Fluid. Relying on Temps alone WILL result in an oops.
There's a lot more detailed info (all taken above from TCOYF)
Based on the three peak temps you should not be pregnant (but without knowing your CF one can't be sure of when ovulation was) But seriously, Stress can really affect your cycle, so you need to de-stress!
I think that you and your husband need to have a serious talk, it sounds like you are both super obsessed with details and he needs to be more involved, and not a stress to you. Did you take a class together? You need to get him involved and perhaps take a class at the couple to couple league or through catholic Charities. Many of them offer one on one, and you may need some help to help interpret. Also, perhaps a councilor for each of you and together to learn how to stop enslaving yourselves to details and control.
I chart online using FertilityFriend.com and it's the best thing ever. Just by logging in I can see all my stats (shortest/longest/avg time frames) see my chart, it draws the baselines for you, keeps track of everything... etc.
Basically, you need to stop stressing, you need to relax, and you need to get "Taking Charge of your Fertility" to help you understand all this. You need to practice and focus on checking your CF. (Also, if you have relations at night, try and use the restroom and clean up what you can before bed.
Technically, after 6pm on the 2nd day after your thermal shift you should be safe (and that's also to allow for any secondary ovulations) so evening of the 3rd known day should be completely safe.
Thanks so much for telling me I'm not pregnant! That really helps a lot!
I just ordered TCoYF. I looked at the fertility friend website and it said you should only use it if you're trying to conceive. Is that true?
I'll try using my fingers to check CF instead of the tissue. It seems like any moisture there is just gets absorbed in the tissue and I can't tell what it is unless it made a glide while I wiped. So the fingers would give me much more information.
Really, thanks so much for your great response. It will probably take me a while to get used to NFP enough to where I don't worry like this, but having the book and good support helps a lot!
I second the book reccommendation. It will hopefully answer most of your questions and help ease your stress level.
I assume the website says that because they don't want the liability of someone using the site to avoid and then get pregnant and blame it on them.
There are two things I would suggest, one is using your finger to check your CF. I always wash my hands and use my fingers to check. You will get a lot more information this way and I think this will help you to really see the different kinds of CF you have over the course of your cycle. You will eventually get the pattern. It just takes time.
Secondly regarding your temperature, relax. One thing that really helped me get more consistent temperatures was to make sure I put the thermometer on the same side and in the same place in my mouth. Also what kind of thermometer are you using? I have this one that beeps every few seconds so I know it's working, it saves the most recent temp so I can write it down later in the day, also it is backlit so when it beeps that it is done if I press the button it lights up and I can see the temperature.
Even after having a year of practice charting I still got nervous the first few cycles after we got married.But now I feel like we both have a handle on it.
I actually use the tcoyf.com website to track my charting. The important thing to remember is that the computer only knows what you tell it and I make my own interpretations. They also have forums with lots off women who have been charting far longer then I have.
Good luck!
I want to chime in too to say, don't panic! :) You are going to be fine and you will get the hang of this. I have seen my ovulation delayed by a few days because of stress, which makes the whole cycle longer. It's not anything to panic about, just something to be aware of.
For sharing the duties of NFP between husband and wife, what my husband and I do is that he sets and turns off the alarm for me to wake up to take my temperature, he keeps the thermometer on his side of the bed, and he records the temperatures on the chart (we used paper charts for awhile so we could keep right there, but now I use Fertility Friend and do the recording part myself). He gives me a poke to wake me up and puts the thermometer in my mouth. Just remember to keep your mouth closed and put the thermometer in the same spot every day.
For temperatures, if you wake up early and can't get back to sleep, take your temperature when you wake up and make a note on your chart about the time difference. Sometimes doing the temperatures at a slightly different time has an effect, but sometimes not. The important thing is to write down the circumstances so you can take them into account when you interpret your chart.
Finally, you sound like you are really worried you are going to lose your sex life because of this. First, you're not, but it'll take some time to learn. Regardless, talk with your husband about other ways you can be intimate than having sex. Even during times you are abstaining you can find ways to meaningfully and satisfyingly connect. Don't lose hope and good luck!
Thanks for the ideas about a better thermometer and taking the temp even if I wake up at a different time.
Is the TCoYF website free?
No period yet today either...on day 33...should I take a First Response pregnancy test?
Thanks so much for the support ladies!
What was your temp today? You could take one, at least it would tell you yes or no :) No matter what it says though, you'll be fine. While one answer may be more ideal it isn't the end of the world if it's the less than ideal answer...
Take the test if it'll help you feel better hon. But you shouldn't worry. Sounds like you're ok!
Would today be late enough for the test to mean anything? Or is it so early that I'd get a negative either way? The box says "6 days before your missed period" Does that mean 6 days before your period was supposed to start?
yes, before it was supposed to start. At day 33 with a normally 28-30 day cycle you could have taken it on day 23-25 is what they mean.
It may be best to test in the morning though, just read the instructions, as you don't want your pee too watered down, if that makes any sense. lol
The test was negative! Sending up some prayers of thanksgiving!
The box said it can be taken any time of the day although if you're pregnant the hormone level is highest in the morning.
I'm calming down now.
Just to put this anxiety in perspective: I am the oldest of 7 kids. My father was one of 17 kids. I am built for breeding. And I'm scared right now of being a mother because my only role models for that position are women who were absolute martyrs to their oversized broods.
And that's why this post belongs on the Catholic board, ladies.
I joined TCoYF.com. Maybe I'll see you ladies there too! I hope I have beautiful, filled out charts with perfectly predictable temperature rises to show off!
Told you that you're fine. Now, seriously, stop stressing so flo can come! :)
I do want to re-reccomend that you possibly talk with someone about control. You really shouldn't feel like you have to plan to the month (because even with charting that's not necessarily realistic) because of your job. You should be able to be pregnant and focus at work (really, that would not be a bad mom to focus at work!), and you should be able to still be pregnant, work properly, and not get depressed.
I'm happy you are relaxed now, so you and your husband drink some wine tonight, relax, talk about your charting and expectations and perhaps about the possibility of talking with someone to help you (and your husband) learn how to relax as you honestly can't control everything. When you are indeed a parent one day, you will be able to control even less... so now is a great time to learn how to relax a bit :)
My DH s an euber planner though, so I can relate :)
As far as my career, I'm a second-year teacher in a high-need high school. I almost got fired last year for not being able to control the hellions in my classes. This year I think I'm barely hanging on and doing better than before. Tenure isn't even available until after your third year, and even then we're always going to be constantly evaluated and insecure about our jobs because the state is such a mess. But I spend 70+ hours a week grading and planning lessons just to achieve mediocre learning in far-below-mediocre students for mediocre pay. I really can't imagine how to fit a baby into this lifestlye. I want to plan it down to the month so that I can have the maximum maternity leave and then my leave will end just as summer begins, so that I can have as much time with the baby at first as possible. Ideally, I'd love to stay at home with my children, and I'm afraid I'll be eaten up with guilt if I don't, but DH is talking about going back to school part time now and I don't see how it would be possible financially for me not to work.
@marjojo: As a teacher, I feel you on the maternity leave issue. One of the reasons for our July wedding is that if a honeymoon baby happens, the maternity leave should flow into the summer. :-) If no honeymoon baby, then we go back to avoiding. Really, though, if it happens at a less-than-ideal time, we'll make it work.
I'm going to say something that's going to sound really preachy and mean, but please don't take it that way. I'm just trying to give you a different "window" to look through - not trying to shame you or anything, I promise. We're in the Catholic section, so I feel all right forging ahead...
NFP isn't meant to prevent pregnancy except for "dire" reasons, like real financial ruin, serious health issues, or a drastic number of children already in the family, etc. This is from the Theology of the Body and the Catechism, not just my own musings. The point of not practicing artificial birth control is to give up control of your family and turn them over to God, to be open to life. I know you might be rolling your eyes at this point and thinking I'm "one of those Catholics," but I definitely have just come around to this point of view lately. When we create ideal times for ourselves to have babies, even if our intentions are good, we aren't really trusting God.
My advice is this: do NFP to the best of your ability, without stressing over a slipped detail here or there. Have lots of sex without stressing! And let life unfold as God wills it, however that might be.
@Lapeaudesoie: I'm not trying to discredit what you're saying. I know NFP is abused. However, responsible parenthood is important to consider as well as the emotional and physical distress of having a child too soon or too many. I'm not saying there's a specific number to consider when being a responsible parent (b/c that isn't my call). We have to remember that the discernment is between the couple and God. So any outside influence really isn't warranted.
@beekiss2: I really admire your posts, and agree that one person telling one family what to do isn't warranted. It is between them and God. On the other hand, if we don't talk about what we know about Catholic teaching, then it can get buried. We have a responsibility to shine a light. That's why I use the phrase "just a window to look through." I don't know her prayer-life and discernment, so I definitely can't and would never say she's somehow "wrong!" No no no! That would be very cruel. But we don't know and grow and learn unless we communicate, so I was just giving her a view that might be something she hadn't considered. I know that for years I thought NFP was just like birth control, and it wasn't until someone mentioned quotations from the Theology of the Body to me that I realized there were other views of the situation. That's all - just different views to put in one's brain and mull over. They might change lives, they might not, but the more you know... 
About worrying - A friend of mine whose been married for seven years told me that she spent the first couple of years of her marriage stressing out about NFP till she finally realized that she needed to put more trust in God than in a method. That's not at all to say that she doesn't use NFP. Rather, she has learned to submit those resolve those aspects and uncertainities to her faith in God, knowing she's done her best and that God is in control of everything else.
I think learning to put your trust in God more than in a method is helpful in other ways. I'm currently 33 weeks pregnant. I've never been afraid of giving birth in my life until now. I've never been afraid of the pain. I'm afraid of being out of control. I've come to realize that much of my desire to utilize a midwife who respects the way I want to birth comes from a fear of being out of control. Yet the reality is that the birthing process is something I'm going to need to surrender to. I'm not going to be in control of it and no matter how good my diet is, what exercises I do, how healthy I am, etc....no matter how many things I do to reduce my chances of having complications, complications are still a possibility. Lately, I've been thinking about how I will react to that. I've realized its vitally important to surrender that fear to God so that I am more ready to embrace whatever new path I need to take to ensure the health of my baby and myself. Otherwise if it happens without this anxiety being resolved, I see myself focusing too much on a pity party, feeling more abandoned and more helpless and more negative about the situation I'm in.
I really think that NFP is like that as well. Know what you can know and do what you can do, but there will always be aspects in life that you can't control. What I can tell you is that the things you can't control aren't all negative things. Sometimes the things that you are given are far better than anything you could plan for yourself. Sometimes those blessings come through periods of total insecurity.
As for involving your husband in NFP, my husband doesn't care for charting. What he does care about is that we are talking about our fears and desires regularly and that if we're seeking to avoid, to try or just to be open, that its a mutual decision that takes both our feelings, opinions and perspectives into account. Its important to remember that the method is not charting your fertility. Charting just gives you knowledge. The method is how you use that knowledge. Do you abstain or don't you? The abstaining involves both of you. It involves learning to see outside of yourself and not just saying "Ok I'm fertile. Keep far away from me, dear" without considering or discussing his feeling about it.
NFP I think its best in a marriage when the couple is regularly discussing it. From the older couples I know, utilizing a plan with the contraceptive mentality (we're going to avoid for this many years) leaves it at one discussion and closes the conversation regardless of what circumstances in life come into your lives over the course of those years.
Again, that is a difficult thing to do. Another area to let go of complete obsessive control over. What if my husband decides he wants to use our fertile time when I still want to avoid? But, ultimately what are my fears? That my husband is totally selfish and will not consider my own emotional and physical needs? Do I trust his love, care, and concern for me or do I feel I need to keep him on a leash nd not give him a say for fear that he'll ask too much of me? This is ultimately where NFP leads to learning to trust each other more and leads to a closer and more intimate marriage. It ultimately is a process of learning to be more and more volunerable with each other, to grow in trust and to learn to love the other more fully.
@twoangels: Wow. Thank you for that. I am honestly going to copy and paste that and discuss it with my FI before he and I go for our first meeting with a priest. Very well put!
@Ms. Meowerson: Natural Family Planning - there are many different methods, but it's all basically tracking your body to know when you're fertile and when you're not. It works for both getting pregnant and not getting pregnant.
@Ms. Meowerson: It's also known as "Charting" "FAM" and many other names across the bee. The largest difference is that in NFP you abstain during fertile times if you are trying to avoid pregnancy, FAM is when you use a barrier method of BC during fertile times.
NFP has higher success rates than FAM. FAM has failure rates equal to that of whatever barrier is used.
Most utilize the Sypto-Thermal Method (STM) but there are others as well. Those who are trying to avoid are able to do so without potential chemical abortions, carcinogenic hormones, side effects, or damage to the environment.
It's actually really freakin amazing :)
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Sorry, long post.
My new husband and I are really struggling with charting. We took a class over a year ago, and I thought I understood the principles and rules, but every time something unexpected happens in my cycle, I freak out. We really are not ready to have a baby yet, and the thought of being pregnant so soon makes us both feel doomed and terrified. He's more scared about it than me, I think, and I'm afraid if I make a mistake in NFP that results in an unintended pregnancy, then he'll blame me and resent me and it will really affect our marriage very negatively. We do eventually want kids, but when we're closer to 30 than 25. Because carefully planning my pregnancy down to the month is the only way I can even imagine being a first-time mother and keeping my career, an unintended pregnancy would make me either feel I have to give up my career, would distract me so much from my job that I'd get fired, or make me seriously depressed because I'll be convinced I'm a bad mother spending too much time at work and not enough with her baby. I'm the kind of person who likes to be in control of things. Right now, NFP is making me feel incredibly out of control, and I thought it was supposed to do the opposite.
Ways to help:
Explain to me what role a husband can possibly have in NFP. In our class, we heard how it's the most fair kind of birth control because all other kinds rely only on the woman. But I've been doing it all by myself so far. I'm the one who wakes up for a temp, charts it and attempts to interpret the chart. Also, I take my temp at 4:30, much earlier than DH wakes up. He has had nothing to do with it so far, so I don't think he even knows or understands enough about it to take a more active role.
Help me figure out how to be more consistent with my temperatures. What do I do when I accidentally wake up an hour before I'm supposed to take the temp, and can't fall back asleep? What if that happens 5 days in a row during a crucial time in the cycle? What if in the dark and in my sleepiness, I accidentally turn the thermometer off, or if I forget to turn it on, or if I think I forgot to turn it on because I don't remember hearing the beep, and so I hit the button again, turning it off?
I really have trouble observing anything on my tissue or sensation. Often, the only sign I see/feel is lubrication sensation or glide in the bathroom. Someone can explain this to me all day and give me something to read, but it doesn't make my body give these signs or give me the mental space to look for them. Like I might actually have that moist, bubble-popped-inside feeling, but if my mind is consumed with what I'm doing when it happens, I will not notice it. And when my husband's semen comes out of me in the morning (even on a day that should be infertile) I freak out because I'm afraid it's EWM and I missed a sign and had sex at a fertile time. And I have no idea how to check my cervix. It's so invisible and mysterious to me. This means I'm relying pretty heavily on temperatures, and as you see above, I'm having problems with that too!
Reassure me that I'm not currently pregnant! It's day 32 of my cycle and no period yet. My average cycle length is 29 days, so I'm still in the ballpark. I've had 34 day cycles before. I thought I observed peak on day 19 (which is around my average as well). But the issue is that I missed temperatures on days 13-19, so the only pre-peak baseline I have is from days 6-12. My temperatures on days 21, 22, and 23 were higher than that baseline by .4-1.5 degrees. Then we had sex on the evening of day 24. I thought I felt safe about it because it was 5 days from what I thought was peak, and there were 3 high temperatures. This is the only day we're worried about. Earlier in the cycle we were very good about not having sex.
Assuming I'm not currently pregnant, my husband wants to deal with this next month by being almost abstinent. Help me think of a way to convince him this is a bad idea. When we were talking last night about it, I said that I had initiated on day 24 because we hadn't done anything for the previous 8 days (and those were my most horny of course). I'm afraid I'll go nuts if we go cold turkey.
Explain to me how to use NFP without flipping out about irregularities and unexpected things in my cycle. I can't handle the stress of thinking I might be pregnant every other month. And every time my cycle is on just the late side of normal, I will worry about that. I'm paranoid about it. I'm afraid that no matter how reasonably I can explain it to myself, I will still have this kernel of doubt that will drive me crazy.