Post # 1
My SIL is in labor. She was induced today and she may be in labor til tomorrow. This whole pregnancy has been really hard for me due to my DH’s accident and my own baby hopes being squashed.
The best way that I’ve found to deal with things so far is try to to be involved and excited as the birth got closer. Today my BIL started posting updates about the labor on Facebook (privately, to a small group of friends and family).
I think this is more than I can take. It’s especially hard because my MIL seems so excited for the new baby and I’m wondering if anyone will ever feel that way about me…if I ever get pregnant. Its also hard that DH’s mom hasn’t been all that supportive of me and everything I’ve gone through taking care of her son.
How can I cope? I don’t want to cry for the whole weekend and freak out my DH.
Post # 3
I think (and hope) you will surprise yourself when the little one comes.
I know it is hard to not have those pangs of jealousy (and I get that your situation has been very extreme and dire with DH etc) but this is a new addition to your family, a new life, a new person to love and help to grow…. this is something to be excited about!
Just for some context, I get how tricky it is to see others getting what it is you want so badly. I am 35 (now happy and resolved to not have children) but for a period of 5 long years I tried to concieve and dealt with friend after friend and relative after relative doing what I tried so hard for with little effort.
(My wedding date on here is fake, I have been married a while- just did not want to put the real one as I think I know some people on here.)
And hun, when you get pregnant of COURSE everyone will be excited!
Post # 4
Ugh. The updates keep coming and now I’m crying again. Really, the hardest part is how excited my MIL seems. She never seems this excited when DH does something new in therapy or has a breakthrough. I guess this is just all about jealousy for me, but it’s so hard not to feel that way. I think this whole time she’s been in denial about her son’s condition and focusing on the new baby instead. Life is so unfair.
Post # 5
@Macintosh: my sister has a little boy and really we all believe the sun shines out of his butt. He is the best! So smart, silly and sweet. For years I have felt similar to you- that by the time I got around to having kids no one would care and he wouldn’t be as loved. I am now 18w pregnant and my family couldn’t be more excited. My mom has been planning the shower since about week 8 and is the crazy pinning nana on Pinterest.
I think the way you feel is very understandable. Try to have some compassion for your MIL. This is a new life and it is thrilling, but it does not diminish anyone else. Maybe she has had to detach a bit from your hisband’s situation and focus on something happy. I’m not saying that’s right or feels good for you, but her feelings and reactions are hers to own.
Please know that if and when you have a baby, it will be loved more than enough by you. Everyone else is just extra frosting.
Take care of yourself. Try only checking fb occasionally or just wait for the call or text. (personally I find labor play by plays annoying. Go have the baby and then let me know)
Post # 6
That sounds SO hard!
I would hide the posts, and get yourself a nice big glass of wine.
Whether you manage to concieve or end up adopting or whatever you decide to do, your family-in-law is going to be JUST as thrilled (if not more) when it’s you!
Post # 7
Hi again. This facebook play by play is pissing me off to no end. I love my SIL and BIL, but the last time I was in the hospital was because my husband had a seizure! I didn’t even tell them about it until the next morning, because I didn’t want them to worry!! Now I have to hear a minute by minute rundown of their night?
Who wants to hear my hospital rundown? DH had a CT and and X-Ray. We’re both exhausted. He’s scared. They put an IV in his hand and it hurts. They’re giving him seizure meds. Every time he falls asleep another doctor comes in to examine him. It’s 4 in the morning and we’ve been here since 8 pm….I could go on.
I’m sorry for the vent, but it’s just so damn unfair. It’s so damn insensitive 🙁
Post # 8
This is why I detest social media in general. Grown ass people shouldn’t feel the need to post updates about their crap online. What happened to making phone calls to family members once a baby is born? OP, you did the right thing by not inundating your facebook friends with information about his health and recovery. That is the mature, tasteful thing to do. What your in-laws are doing is in my opinion attention seeking and I would just ignore it. Get off of facebook and when the baby is born try to find some happiness that a new little life has entered your family. I don’t think anyone is trying to be insensitive to you and your struggles, but this would annoy me too.
Post # 9
Ahhh Hun I’m so sorry. My hope for you is that you will be able to get as much joy out of that baby as I do my niece. babies in the family can bring so much needed happiness to a family. I’m awaiting my next niece and even though it hurt that my SIL got preggo on accident while I was in the middle of TTC i know this new addition will be amazing and I hope it works out that way for you . But I totally feel for you. This trying this just plain sucks and you have been through a lot this year. I’m just sure you will have your own happy news to share this year too!
@mamadingdong: I about lost it when you said you think the sun shines out it his butt hahaha. We are so like that with my niece.
Post # 10
You seem to get on well with your in laws – if I were you I would have a chat with your MIL about how you are feeling and I expect she would give you plenty of love and support. This is probably her way of dealing with her son’s horrific time and perhaps hasn’t realised you need some help from her. You come across as such an amazing strong capable positive woman here perhaps you just need to tell her you know it’s irrational but that you feel jealous, want some of other people’s attention and finally a jolly big old bear hug! Wish I could give you one myself xx
Post # 11
Hi honey, I think I’d just hide the posts and have someone call you when the baby is born. This cannot be easy but I do know for a fact that when you get pregnant everyone is going to be over the moon excited for you!!!! Your husband seems to have made wonderful progress so far and I pray that it continues. You will get your happy excited smiley time soon!!! (((HUGS)))
Post # 12
Thanks for the kind words everyone. My SIL had the baby this afternoon, but I’m still waiting for more details.
It’s been a really rough day for me. I’m still so mad yet my in laws for abandoning us when we needed them. I don’t know if I’ll get over this any time soon.