Post # 1
We are having a week long destination wedding in Mexico. My FSIL has two kids aged 10 and 7. Their family unit of 4 has been invited. We now find out that they can’t afford to have the family unit attend so the two kids will be traveling with thee grandparents (FMIL/FFIL). My fiancé has an uncle and aunt that are also attending and are coming from overseas. These older people (to lump the four together) have never been to Mexico and have a pretty large amount of things they would like to do.
i have told my fiancé that if his sister and husband aren’t going to the wedding, I don’t think the kids should go. They will be the only children there as none of our friends have kids. This is also a small wedding, only 15-17 people. My cousins will go but they are 18 and 22.
I have rather large concerns that these two kids are going to be left with either my fiancé or his cousin for large amounts of time since it’s happened in the past. I don’t want to babysit for a week and I don’t want my guests to have to do it either. If their own parents were there, I wouldn’t have a problem with them being there, but I really feel like there’s no real point for them to be there without them. This isn’t for one day, it’s an entire 7 days. Am I being unreasonable? We are having a big reception at home. I have told the FSIL that if it will be difficult for them to go, it’s okay. I don’t want to put financial stress in them.
i am also not having anyone in my bridal party or groomsmen so they won’t be having a place in the wedding. Also, this wedding is supposed to be pretty low key and we wanted to spend the week with our close friends/family who are all adults and go in excursions, night dinners etc ourselves. (Sorry, if this has typos, I’m in my iPhone)
Post # 3
What does your FI say about this? He should talk to his parents and work this out.
Post # 4
That is so weird. I just can’t imagine sending my kids off to a DW if we couldn’t attend. I would have FI talk to his parents.
Post # 5
It’s hard to say the kids don’t belong there because they will be the only kids, when you invited them to attend. Just because their parents aren’t attending, it doesn’t automatically retract their invitation.
This is your FI’s issue to deal with his sister. He just needs to make it clear that neither he nor you are going to be available for child minding, it is your wedding after all. The sister and her husband need to ensure that the grandparents know this. If the older people want to do anything without the children, it is their responsibility to find childcare.
Post # 6
I would have your FI make it VERY clear that the two of you will not be babysitting AT ALL during that week. Your cousin has to deal with that on their own. It is completely acceptable to not want to play babysitter on your vacation, let alone at your DW wedding.
Does the resort have a kids club? Many offer a “camp” for kids those ages and maybe your FILs are planning on taking advantage of that.
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Agree with PP- this is FI’s issue to deal with. And ditto that it needs to be made *perfectly* clear that neither you, FI, or your cousin will be doing any sort of babysitting. The kids are old enough to tag along on all the sight-seeing the grandparents/uncle/aunt are going to do (as long as its not tequila taste-testing!)
Post # 8
I agree, I think just sending your kids to Mexico for a wedding is a little bizarre to me!
But your DH has to be the one to talk to them and discourage it!
Post # 9
I think it’s just plain weird that they would choose to send their kids and not go at all themselves. Sure, Mexico’s great, but you could save up for a family vacation at a later date if it was just too much money at the moment. I’m not sure how you can fix this situation though seeing as they seem to have made a decision. You did technically invite the kids, so maybe they didn’t realize that you’d also want them to be there. Maybe you can talk to your future in-laws and tell them that you are concerned about the children needing to be cared for. It is your wedding, and you are in the right for wanting to be able to relax and enjoy it without worrying about two unmonitored boys running around.
Post # 10
That’s definitely bizarre. I’d ask the people who are bringing the kids if they’re comfortable looking after them the whole ENTIRE time, because they sure as hell can’t pawn that off onto you.
Post # 11
@Pinkmoon: +1, this.
I would also go ahead and look up kids activities and send them to the parents/designated babysitters along with a note that said something along the line of “Because FI and I will not be able to watch your children during the trip, we decided to let you know of these things they could do…”
Really drive it home that you will not be babysitters.
Post # 12
@LyndaButterfly: I find it very strange that the paretns are not going but sending there kids…so odd!!!! I would rather they come and he kids stay home! We had 6 kids at our destination wedding but all of ther paretns came with and were responsible for their care. I would not be responsible for watching children on my wedding week!
Post # 13
wow this would upset me immensely. it’s easy to say “we refuse to babysit” ahead of time. it’s a whole other situation when you’re actually THERE. i don’t think making it perfectly clear prior to the trip will help you avoid your fears. i would be really worried about the kids latching onto other guests and ruining their vacation as well! but i agree with PP that your fiance needs to broach this subject and tell his parents/his sister that he finds it extremely bizarre the kids will be there without the parents and maybe persuade them not to send the kids.
also… who sends their kids on all inclusive vacations??? i would FOR SURE be going on that trip before i sent my kids!
Post # 14
I would talk to FSIL, or get your FI to do it, and make sure you stress that you WILL NOT be able to look after the children for any period of time, and they will need to ensure that someone else in the wedding party is willing to look after them if needs be as you guys absolutely cannot do it. I’d be reluctant to withdraw the invitation completely though (but this just might be me as a mum talking) because the children might be really excited about the idea of the vacation wedding (I know I would be!) and could feel really let down. I wouldnt really be concerned about the adults feelings, as they are grown people and would probably understand the situation (although that said, politeness is always key lol), but I would be worried about letting the kids down. That’s just me though, anything to do with kids makes me go soft haha. Definitely do make sure that if they were to attend, you would not be lumbered with babysitting though. You’re going to have enough stuff to be getting on with! If they make it clear that they would be expecting your FI or you to look after the kids, though, then I would think about withdrawing the invitation and saying “we’re sorry for the inconvenience, but we’ve decided an adults-only wedding is more appropriate for what we have planned”
Post # 15
Yeah this is weird. It was one thing to invite that family as a unit so the parents could take their children off and do their own thing without “taking up” the other guests. But now your FMIL and FFIL will have to not partake in the not kid friendly activities and have their trip revolve around the children. If they’re up to it I guess that’s their choice but if they plan on pawning the kids off to you and FI that would be the worst. Either way, I’d leave it to FI…while it is your battle too, he needs to represent the two of you to his family.
Post # 16
@mu_t: that’s exactly what I’m worried about! really, people are not going to say no once there (including my fiancé). We haven’t sent formal invitations, we are in the final staged of booking and have been telling people verbally of our plans, including the FSIL, to give everyone as much notice as possible.