Nightmare Christmas with the in-laws….

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

They sound horrible. Your husband is going to need to talk to them about the alternating holidays, though even children understand this concept!!!

Re: the miscarriage– ugh. I would have been totally furious, but in the future I guess now you know who NOT to tell ANYTHING to. 🙁

Post # 4
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

I am so sorry you are going through this, I understand how stressful it can be, especially around the holidays and with everything else going on. I would sit them down and have a long talk about why holidays need to be alternated and, possibly more importantly, that you will not stand for the insults. I had a similar issue with my MIL and her partner shortly after we got married; DH and his mom had a huge fight and cursed at him and myself as well. After a few days they apologized and while I accepted their apology, I made it very clear that if they wanted us and future grandchildren in their lives, they would have to learn respect; I told them I would not allow them to insult myself or my husband. Things have been much better since that talk and they don’t fight with us anymore. Good luck and hope you can get through to them! 

Post # 5
Member
4215 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think your only options are to call them on their martyr guilt trip bullshit or stop visiting. :/ I would not be able to deal with that at all. So sorry you’re being subjected to this. 

Post # 6
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@HappySky7:  +1

I’d be done with  these people…they sound iike they have serious mental issues. Never give in to these loonies guilt trips, they need to be put in their place.

Post # 7
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@LadyElva:  Holy Stage 5 clingers, Batman!

Is your DH their only kid, their only family, their only friend? Or do they just have some warped idea that every Christmas has to be the same, with all the same people forever and ever?

Normally, I would suggest your husband have a very frank talk with them during which he tells them that they need to accept that YOU have a family too and that the two of you will be alternating holidays. That spending the time you do visit them listening to them complain and guilt you about the times you don’t is pointless and makes you both dread. I siting them – is that what they want? If their holidays revolve entirely around you, then they need to start changing that. 

You can try, but they sound almost irredeemable and, well, thick headed. So, I think your FI needs to call them on the whining and complaining when it happens but in a calm, polite but firm manner. Do it once,  then the both of you totally ignore the complaints and guilt bait. She moans she didn’t feel like putting up the tree, ask her how work is going. He says you HAVE to stay so cousin Eddie can see you or he will set himself on fire in the driveway out of sheer disappointment, ask him what kind of gas mileage he’s getting on the car lately.

hopefully in time, and when their tactics do t work, they calm down a bit.

Good luck, Girl. You’re going to need it.

Post # 9
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@LadyElva:  okay, these ILs sound absolutely cray cray!!!! what planet did they come from! Now is the time for you and your husband to set some boundaries and stick to it. They clearly do not respect you or really know how to love you, so it’s your move now to block them out of your life until they learn to respect your needs and wishes before doing some other crazy thing like telling the whole world about your miscarriage. You and your DH need to work out multiple scenarios and how you’d respond to each one – including, leaving their house if they get too clingy. They need to let go!

Post # 10
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@LadyElva:  also, I’m similar to your ILs ONLY in the sense that I have an idea of a perfect world in my head, but I’ve learned that not everyone sees it the same way and I’m fine with that. Your DH needs to start repeating the following sentence to them:

“I’m sorry to hear that the situation is not working out to your liking, but you need to understand that we do not see this the same way we do. Now, you can be flexible and accept us and how we live, learn to be happy with that, or, you can sit here and expect the world to be perfect and force the impossible. We are happy to move on with our lives”

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