(Closed) Nightmares

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee

#1? We’re date twins!  GOOOOOOOO FRIDAY!

#2?  It’s 5 am here on the west coast and I am awake because of a nightmare (although mine WAS wedding related!) so I thought I would write you back.  So, while I wait for the coffee to finish, my two cents.

I’ve had issues with nightmares most of my life.  It is almost an automatic by-product of stress.  If I am upset about something in a major way, my sleep will somehow be distrurbed by it.  My wedding-related nightmares became pretty consistent about two weeks ago (I have on average two per week) and I’m also 4 months out.  It’s a topic that is on my mind, so clearly I dream about it as well.  I also lost my job about 4 weeks ago, so right after and leading up to that moment, I was dreaming constantly about work.  Whatever is going on with me = comes up when I sleep.

It sounds to me like you are feeling more than a little weird about this female friend of his.  I think you should talk to him about this – explain that while you don’t want to feel like a green-eyed monster here, it bothers you that someone other than you is relying on him for emotional support in this way.  If this were my fiance, I’d have a big problem with it – I’m not a believer in completely platonic friendships between men and women.  I’m not saying he is the one at fault here, because it appears he is pulling a little ‘save her’ thing with this girl, wanting to help out and fix her problems – whereas she sees him as her knight, wishing he could sweep her off her feet.

Your instincts in the situation probably are telling you what you need to know.  You’re posting about nightmares, but you sound more like you need some help or reassurance about this situation.  I would really advise that you talk to him pronto.  Use it as a moment to discuss how you both feel about opposite-sex friendships as you move into marriage perhaps, especially if that is something you haven’t yet discussed.

Post # 4
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I have A LOT of nightmares too, I think I posted about it about a month ago. It’s stress and anxiety really. I try to read before I fall asleep to turn off my brain, and I got some lavender pillow spray which is supposed to be calming and relaxing (if you can deal with the old lady smell). In any case, it seems to be working because I haven’t had any nightmares in a couple weeks.

That being said, I think that your FI’s friend is a whole different ball of wax here. I agree with Christalynn, you should be honest with your FI because it sounds like this is really on your mind. Even though you know he wouldn’t cheat and it sounds like you two have a great relationship, just getting your feelings out in the open will make you feel a lot better. I think too before you have this conversation, you need to figure out what he (and/or his friend) can do to make you feel more comfortable with the situation. Do you want him to stop talking to her? Only see her when they’re in groups? Or do you just need a hug and some reassurance? I think trying to figure out what would be ideal in your mind would really help you have this conversation with him. It’s not fair to say “I don’t like this, but I’m not going to tell you how to make me feel better about it”.

Post # 5
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee

That was great insight Bakerella.  I am going to back up her advice to figure out what would make you feel better BEFORE you discuss this with him.

One other thought about the nightmares issue is to try having a nighttime ritual – take a warm bath, do something relaxing, put on body lotion in a calming scent like lavender – Sometimes just having some down time before you rest will allow your mind to ease into sleep and be more peaceful.

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