(Closed) Nineteen year-old cousin just got engaged

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Ooh that’s not a fun thing to hear :/ but I think when it comes to waiting like this, it’s best to start focusing on yourself and maybe getting a new hobby! 

Start cooking more, or working out, knitting, arts and crafts, volunteering! It is natural to feel stuck in a rut sometimes, but you also have to know that you can’t sit and waste away your life being unhappy. YOU are the only person that can make YOU happy! An engagement may give you something to focus on, but what happens when that is done? I think it is important to get involved with things, not only to make time go by faster when you’re waiting, but also making your life more fulfilling!

It’s too bad you can’t get a more realistic timeframe out of him. Have you told him how important this is to you? 

I hope that helps you a little! Being a fellow waiting bee, I get down in the dumps too sometimes.

Post # 4
Member
3645 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

*hugs* It’s ok to feel this way, even though life doesn’t normally work out this way (as you well know now) you always imagine that the older cousins will marry first and then be the “married ladies” at the younger weddings when you can help out. It must feel weird when that order is toppled. (Not that this is a bad thing, it’s just different to how we always pictured).

The only piece of advice to stop feeling to heavy is this: Remember when you didn’t have a boyfriend? Remember the butterfly feelings that would run wild every time that boy you liked texted you or emailed? Remember when you first started going out? The wild excitement right before your first kiss? All you wanted to do was be together so badly, for him to call you his girlfriend and to be in an actual relationship! 

Now look back and remember that that same girl who wanted that kiss, who wanted that relationship, who wanted those three little words – That girl was you! And now future you has what she wanted. That boy even wanted to live with you and you get to wake up to him every day. You cook for each other and put up with the crazy things you both do. So enjoy it! Because that girl 3 years ago would kill to be where you are now and you are wishing the days away. 

Post # 5
Hostess
3381 posts
Sugar bee

Hugs for you! I know how you feel.  I can’t be much help other than that.

Post # 6
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Two of my four cousins (all younger than me) are engaged. One (he’s 25 I believe) got engaged about 4 years ago, the other (she’s 23) over 2. Neither one of them has picked a date or started planning the wedding yet. I really don’t understand why they bothered getting engaged if they don’t plan on marrying in the near future. I think the younger generation sees things differently. Or maybe I’m just an old fart  😉

Either way, try to keep your spirits up and know your time will come  *hugs* 

Post # 7
Member
1450 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Have you read “Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others”?  The early chapter on “The Marrying Kind” is really eye opening.

Post # 8
Member
16 posts
Newbee

My sister and I are about 4 yrs apart (I’m the oldest) and she’s starting to see that her friends are getting engaged. Meanwhile, I have to wait about a year before my SO will pop the question. I used to get real bent out of shape about it because I had the same feelings as you (how come I’m older and in a longer relationship and they’re getting what I want before me?).

I recently just had a talk with my SO because I too was getting the dreaded “someday soon” excuse. I told him that I felt that if we were serious about a life together that it should be planned. He understood and was actually able to give me a timeframe which made “someday soon” more realistic. I am a huge planner by nature and he realized that I wanted to plan for us and that it wasn’t so much a selfish “I need to get married because everyone else is” case.

Another way to look at it is that because your cousin is so young, they have had less time to save up money to be able to live comfortably as you are. It seems the younger people are, the more they struggle, at least in the beginning, to assert themselves. You can take it as you guys are already living together so you are prepping yourself for marriage and giving yourself more time to save for the wedding and future of your dreams.

Finally (I SWEAR!) your SO could just be trying to throw you off the sent by giving you unrealisting timing because he might be considering proposing soon and I’m sure you wouldn’t want to ruin that surprise!

Hang in there and it will all be worth it in the end!

Post # 10
Member
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

That sucks…a lot…I know it’s really hard to be the only girl not dancing…why don’t you call your girlfriend’s and go out dancing?  Your in Denver, right?  Why not go to Lannie’s Clocktower Cabaret, take in a show, hit the 16th Street Mall and do some yummy cocktail cheesecake desserts at the Cheesecake Factory?  You don’t have to be engaged to have a bunch of people celebrate with you!  Call it an Un-Engagement party, get dressed up, buy some totally non-sensible shoes and hit the town steppin high!  AND I’d like to point out that your newly engaged cousin isn’t even old enough to drink yet —-WINNING!

Post # 12
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Believe me i know how you feel!!! As a southern transplant in a major city, I look at my high school reunion page and everyone is married and has kids!! but then i remember there are trade-offs– the man I love is SO GREAT and he is worth waiting for.

Post # 13
Member
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@gingerkitten:  You wil love Lannies!  Their drag show was second to none and we had a ball, the inside of that joint is oppulent!  We were all dressed up like Victorian Ladies..you had to be there, we fit in like one of those round pegs, and then the Liza impersonator decided that our table was the one that needed to sing along with Liza, so hysterical!

Post # 14
Member
701 posts
Busy bee

@gingerkitten:  pooor thing (big hugs darling) well, one of my co workers is  e-ring looking after only 10  mo together, so yeah, it sucks majorly when those around you are moving and jiving and you’re stationary. just watch her get all nuts and crazy and have fun. or go google bridezilla stories. it hilarious lol

Post # 15
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m so sorry! Just remember that you should not judge your life by comparing it to others. Sure your cousin might be married by 20, but she might be divorce by 30. Don’t worry about other people and focus on your life. Are you happy in your relationship? if you are, then just make it clear that marriage is important to you and it’s what you want. Then leave it with him. Focus on enjoying your life right now for what it is – whatever makes you happy. Hobbies, friends, sports, whatever. Sign up for a new class, catch up with other people without your SO, get involved in a charity. The trick is to live your most amazing fabulous life. He’ll come around. And when he does it’ll be so much better because you didn’t pressure him, and you were so busy with your own fabulous life it was all a huge surprise!

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