Post # 1
Right after I got engaged (January), FH and I picked out our bridal party. It was going to be uneven since he has many close friends but I was ok with that. 6 guys on his side, 4 girls on my side. No big deal. I made up really nice “will you be my bridesmaid” cards and sent them all out. Everyone said yes. I sent an email, everyone was excited, I gave them dress options, they all picked one out, everything was great.
Then one of my bridesmaids got pregnant and said she couldn’t be in the wedding since her due date is near our wedding date and she didn’t want to risk flying. I was ok with that.
I asked one of my FBILs girlfriends (whom he may have um…serious intentions with) to be a bridesmaid and she accepted. Still uneven but still ok.
Then another of my bridesmaids (my sister in law) said she couldn’t make it. Of course that meant my brother would not be coming and as much as I hate that, I can understand (tickets from Alaska are not cheap). My brother was a groomsman so now the count is 5 guys on his side, 3 women on my side. Still uneven but still ok.
Then FBILs girlfriend called me crying last weekend saying she’s so so sorry but she can’t afford the dress.
Literally I just paused and told her it was OK because lately nothing seems worth getting bothered over (as my mom recently passed away).
Down to 1 bridesmaid and 1 Maid/Matron of Honor to FHs Best man and 4 GMs….or so I thought.
This morning I called my Maid/Matron of Honor (who happens to be my sister) to see where she’s at with her dress. She hasn’t ordered it yet, she is “waiting for her school money.” My wedding is in less than 6 weeks and the dress color is not one that you can just buy off the rack in the best of cases and she isn’t in the most urban place (read: there is only one bridal shop nearby).
So I’m down to ONE bridesmaid and honestly, really, I just want to completely get rid of the wedding party. The only thing stopping me from just doing it is that I don’t want to punish the one bridesmaid who actually came through for me.
What would you do?
Post # 3
Keep her. If anything, you can have one strong supporter there with you on your wedding day, and the memories of getting ready with her could still be things you cherish. Don’t punish yourself, either, by just nixing the whole idea.
Post # 4
Can you not afford to buy the dresses for the FBILs girlfriend and Maid/Matron of Honor to just get the process over with? It seems like the $$ is where they are tripping up. Otherwise, I think you’re totally within your bounds to just not have a wedding party. We aren’t having one! And while I think unbalanced wedding parties are totally fine, nobody in the brides side and 4 people on the groom’s side is going to look really strange!
Post # 5
Maybe just include your 1 bridesmaid and your fiance’s best man and then modify what the bridal party does (i.e. you don’t have to announce them into the reception or include them in all your pictures) but still have them stand beside you during the ceremony.
Post # 6
Yeah, maybe you can help out FBILs GF? It sounds like she really wanted to be in it if she called you crying.
Its not a huge deal if the men outnumber the ladies. Just have all the groomsmen come in and stand with your Fiance and your girls walk by themselves.
Post # 7
I only had a Maid/Matron of Honor, and my husband had a Best Man, and 2 of my brothers were ushers, and a third brother did a reading. It will be okay.
Post # 8
FH and I are paying for our wedding ourselves and that has eaten up every dime we have. We don’t do credit. That said, no, I can’t afford to pay for anyones dress (I bought my own dress for $250 on eBay). The Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses aren’t at all expensive and honestly, if I had the money, I would have paid for everyones dresses long ago. That’s just not an option for us.
Post # 9
@[email protected]: 🙂 I have no Maid/Matron of Honor is what I’m saying. I have a bridesmaid.
Post # 10
Would you make your bridesmaid a MOH? If she is the only 1 then it sounds like she is the Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 11
Can you just have your bridesmaids wear a dress off the rack that goes with your weddings overall color scheme? It is a very popular choice nowadays for the bridesmaids to wear different dresses. I know this is not what you originally planned, but I think it could be cute and then maybe your Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaid could use a dress they already own?
Post # 12
@Bride16: I’d make her Maid/Matron of Honor in a heartbeat aside from the fact that I barely know her. She is my other FBILs wife. I think she’s wonderful but Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t a small title where I come from.
@ktisthatbees: I’m thinking about this but my Maid/Matron of Honor and the other Bridesmaid or Best Man live across the country and I’d want to be there with them to find something in our color scheme. It’s an option though. Also, a lot of this is a money thing for them.
Post # 13
well I think as the bride you would of course have the final say so in whether or not the dress makes the cut. I would want to be there too, but since you are so far apart, just send her the colors, and say, “go find two or 3 dress options and keep the receipts, I’ll give final approval on one (maybe you could webcam or have her take pics and send) and then return the other two”
That way she can set her own price point but you have options as to which one she wears in case she picks out a couple that don’t make the cut. It’s good that you are being flexible, wedding planning sure does teach you to roll with the punches!
Post # 14
can you have your Maid/Matron of Honor and the other Bridesmaid or Best Man send you digital pics of what dresses they do have, and you can hopefully pick something from their existing wardrobe? i do think it’s important to have someone standing up with you at the ceremony and to help you with all of the wedding day-of stuff (like your dress train, etc.)
Post # 15
I think I would elimate the wedding party as well.
Post # 16
The Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses were my last attempt to hold on to the green in my wedding but after calming down and really thinking about all your suggestions, clarity, finally!
All dresses will be in Silver in whatever style the Bridesmaid or Best Man wants, so long as its not full length.
The Bridesmaid or Best Man who bought her dress already will be reimbursed by a very generous and understanding Future Father-In-Law.
All is good. Thanks to you all for helping me through my biggest wedding freak out yet. 🙂