Post # 1
My FH has anxiety problems, so we’ve decided to keep our ceremony intimate (family/bridal party max). Our intended reception venue is part of the church we’re getting married in, and the pastor informed us last night that there’s no alcohol and no dancing allowed. We’re not big dancers, so that’s not a huge deal, and I can survive without alcohol (less chance of guests getting out of hand!).
My main concern is that our guests would be put off initially by not being invitied to the actual ceremony, and that no alcohol and no dancing would just be a dealbreaker. The majority of our guests are out-of-state, many all the way across the country. I’m trying to make it worth it to them to come out and celebrate with us by organizing events the day or two before (and this area is gorgeous in its own right – they can totally find fun stuff to do), and the reception (in the early afternoon, btw) will have fun food and several indoor and outdoor games, perhaps a beach afterparty. But I’m concerned that they won’t see it as “worth it” to spend hundreds of dollars and days off work traveling to a wedding where they can’t witness the ceremony and then go to a reception they can’t have a beer at.
Does anyone have more ideas to help make the wedding weekend a viable option for our guests, given that the reception is more like an afternoon party, and they can’t see the actual ceremony? I know I can’t please everyone, and honestly, I just want to marry him, everything else is merely a bonus. 🙂 I would just love for our guests to have a fun time, too, and not feel shortchanged… Thank you, ladies (and whatever gentlemen may be around!) 🙂
Post # 3
Doesn’t sound worth it to me. I would have an intimate ceremony, and find somewhere else. That’s just my opinion.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t travel for a wedding I won’t see, and for what seems like a lunch reception. It seems gift grabby. Why not just have the people you’re inviting for the ceremony be the only invites to your reception.
Post # 5
Yikes. I wouldn’t travel for what is essentially a lunch party. I get that it’s to celebrate your marriage, but without being able to witness the ceremony it would be rather disappointing.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I say keep looking for another venue but I am seriously put off by not being invited to the ceremony so I would be looking for reasons to be upset.
Post # 7
Ditto. That’s a lot to ask of your guests. Sorry.
Post # 8
I understand anxiety issues and I get why you want to keep it small and simple but I also think your guests may feel that it may not be worth the trip. Would you consider moving the reception to another place?
I would maybe try to make something work. However, at the end of they day, it is your day and you guys really should do what you want. If people don’t want to come, then they won’t.
Post # 9
There’s no way I’d come across the country, to just go to lunch.
A better bet would maybe be to have a small ceremony and on another day at another location (or the same day, different location) have a real reception. Still though, you can’t expect your family and friend’s to spend that much money to not even see you get married.
Post # 10
By the way, we are having a small ceremony and large reception. Everyone seems very excited to be invited to the party and don’t seem to be hurt that they aren’t invited to the ceremony. We have guests that I know would love to be there, but they understand why we want to do it this way and respect our decision. Our reception will have booze and dancing though. Goodluck.
Post # 11
@cutiebomb7789: People traveled for our no-dancing luncheon! We had a fun RD the night before, and the night of our wedding we took a party bus out dancing!
But people also got to attend the ceremony. So there’s that!
Post # 12
@cutiebomb7789: I would not come to a lunch without booze. However, I would go to a wedding reception even if I was not invited to the ceremony. We got married in an intimate ceremony (25 people) and then had a 100 person reception (there was booze but no dancing) and I didn’t hear anything about people being upset about not seeing the ceremony. There may have been a few “hurt” feelings, but when word got around that we were originally not going to invite ANYONE except one witness, everyone piped down. Its your wedding, do it how you want…. but I wouldn’t expect for people to travel for what is probably going to be a metiocre/fair catered lunch (because, let’s face it, most catered food is not excellent.)
Post # 13
Convincing people to travel cross country for a wedding is hard enough. Travling cross country for what basically ammounts to lunch is a hard sell. And while extra activites sound nice, that means I’m spending extra time and vacation days on this trip.
Post # 14
You’d have to be my sister for me to travel cross-country in this situation. I’d suggest finding a new reception venue or making the ceremony guests the only guests at the reception. I don’t know if this is an option for you, but have you thought of eloping? It might help with your fiance’s anxiety problems.
Post # 16
I’m sorry but there’s no way I would travel (spend money on flight and hotel) just for lunch. In fact, it wouldn’t matter what the reception was, I’m not traveling if I can’t see the ceremony.
My cousin is getting married in our town this summer, we aren’t invited to the ceremony (very private in their backyard), but we are invited to dinner/after parTy. I have no problem with this, because I don’t have to travel (as in spend $$ to get there).