No attention about engagement

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Am I crazy for wanting a smidge of attention like my aunt received?
    Yes, I deserve the same attention and deserve to be upset : (12 votes)
    40 %
    No, I don't deserve the attention and should shut my mouth and stop being upset : (18 votes)
    60 %
  • Post # 3
    532 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I’m sorry to hear about that, but you need to remember that this marriage in the end is really just for you two. You said that you are marrying someone amazing and that should remain the focal point.

    And if I wanted an engagement party and no one was planning one for me, I would happily throw one myself. If you want the job done right, there’s no better way. That way, you can pick all the details, do things how you want, choose a perfect location, and have a great time. Perhaps everyone is just really busy and wrapped up in their own lives right now.


    Post # 5
    7997 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Don’t let others dictate your happiness. I guess it can be disappointing… but I honestly hate any engagement-related attention.. and I only got a little bit.

    I didn’t think engagement parties were a thing. Maybe once you start planning the wedding and getting people involved, they’ll get more excited. If not, then at least you have a wonderful fiance and you’re getting MARRIED 🙂

    Post # 6
    2992 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Yes, it is not fair and I understand you are upset. But STOP allowing others to dictate your happiness! You are an adult now and it is time to celebrate your own happiness! It is a time of joy and if the family does not want to join in, that is THEIR loss!

    Post # 7
    137 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @Taylorhea:  I didn’t have an engagement party and didn’t care one bit. Personally, my friends and family congratulating me was enough. Be excited you’re engaged! Congratulations! Celebrate that. =) You and your FI can keep celebrating that fact, and look forward to your marriage. That’s WAY more important and exciting that a party one evening.

    Post # 8
    11379 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    unfortunately not everyone will share your excitement over your wedding.  don’t take it personally.

    if you want an engagement party, host one yourself.  simple.

    also, you really shouldn’t expect your parents to pay for anything.  they are not obligated to contribute.  besides, when you pay for your own wedding, you have the final say on everything.  that’s a big positive.

    Post # 9
    6951 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @Taylorhea:  I get why you’re upset. While I have never been to an engagement party and therefore don’t expect one, if it’s customary in your family to throw one and to have lots of “bridal experience” weekends, then it does suck that you aren’t getting the same treatment. 

    That said, you’re going to have to find your joy in the fact that you’re marrying your best friend. Try not to focus on what you aren’t getting and focus on what you are- a husband!

    Post # 10
    1104 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I didn’t vote because I wouldn’t say you don’t ‘deserve’ it, but I would let it go and focus on the positive (i.e., marrying the love of your life!). I have similar situation where many close family members aren’t super excited or talkative about wedding. But I look at the silver lining…better not to be given the 3rd degree about every wedding detail. O rhearing unwanted opinions. Anyway, I realize they have their own lives and things going on and my wedding is not central to their lives. 

    Good luck!

    Post # 11
    789 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I don’t think engagement parties happen as often as you think.  I never even considered one.  People have offered to throw you a work shower, which is very thoughtful.  I’m sure that there will be a bridal shower for you as your wedding date gets closer!  

    Post # 12
    6407 posts
    Bee Keeper

    You deserve some attention but you don’t deserve to be upset. Don’t waste this precious time being upset! Do not torture yourself (thinking you “deserve to be upset” and therefore sulking) when you could be celebrating. You’re engaged to the man of your dreams and people aren’t celebrating enough about it, so you’re lying in bed crying? Are you sure there isn’t something else going on??!

    I really have to question if your expectations were realistic. I did not have an engagement party myself (I didn’t want one). People didn’t make a huge production out of the fact that we got engaged. That was ok with me. They said congratulations to us, and that’s what I appreciated 🙂

    Maybe your family made a big stinking deal out of your aunt getting engaged for whatever reason (and then were being two faced behind her back, err, they sound like great people), but it’s not like that (either part of it) happens to everyone when they get engaged. As long as people acknowledge your engagement and congratulate the two of you, isn’t that more than enough? If not why not? Would you really rather they made a big deal out of your engagement to your face, and called your relationship a sham behind your back? That doesn’t sound like the better situation.

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