Post # 1
So after 4 years of my family waiting and waiting for my fiance to propose, and after bullying me for over a year because he kept making THEM wait…it finally happened. and….NOTHING. My parents don’t care. They aren’t helping pay for anything and they keep spinning on themselves. His side is so small and love me but they aren’t up for hosting anything. They don’t even like to be around people (we are the overly social ones of the group).
My aunt is two years older than me. She met her husband last June (they met online and were engaged by their second date) and they got married this last July. Every single weekend was devoted to making sure she was happy and having an amazing bridal experience…even though everyone said her relationship was a sham behind her back.
Now it is finally my turn and no one cares. I’m engaged to an incredible firefighter and we’ve been best freinds for over 4 years. We do so much for everyone and no one gives a shit about us. It’s been three months and no one has said they will host an engagement party (my aunt had a 100 person catered engagement party one month after they announced it). Sadly, the secretarys at the school I am interning at said they will be throwing me a mini shower with another teacher.
My feelings are so hurt. I just lay in bed and cry all the time. I just want some attention on ME and my fiance.
Post # 3
I’m sorry to hear about that, but you need to remember that this marriage in the end is really just for you two. You said that you are marrying someone amazing and that should remain the focal point.
And if I wanted an engagement party and no one was planning one for me, I would happily throw one myself. If you want the job done right, there’s no better way. That way, you can pick all the details, do things how you want, choose a perfect location, and have a great time. Perhaps everyone is just really busy and wrapped up in their own lives right now.
Post # 4
@Taylorhea: Who hosted the aunt’s engagement party?
Post # 5
Don’t let others dictate your happiness. I guess it can be disappointing… but I honestly hate any engagement-related attention.. and I only got a little bit.
I didn’t think engagement parties were a thing. Maybe once you start planning the wedding and getting people involved, they’ll get more excited. If not, then at least you have a wonderful fiance and you’re getting MARRIED 🙂
Post # 6
Yes, it is not fair and I understand you are upset. But STOP allowing others to dictate your happiness! You are an adult now and it is time to celebrate your own happiness! It is a time of joy and if the family does not want to join in, that is THEIR loss!
Post # 7
@Taylorhea: I didn’t have an engagement party and didn’t care one bit. Personally, my friends and family congratulating me was enough. Be excited you’re engaged! Congratulations! Celebrate that. =) You and your FI can keep celebrating that fact, and look forward to your marriage. That’s WAY more important and exciting that a party one evening.
Post # 8
unfortunately not everyone will share your excitement over your wedding. don’t take it personally.
if you want an engagement party, host one yourself. simple.
also, you really shouldn’t expect your parents to pay for anything. they are not obligated to contribute. besides, when you pay for your own wedding, you have the final say on everything. that’s a big positive.
Post # 9
@Taylorhea: I get why you’re upset. While I have never been to an engagement party and therefore don’t expect one, if it’s customary in your family to throw one and to have lots of “bridal experience” weekends, then it does suck that you aren’t getting the same treatment.
That said, you’re going to have to find your joy in the fact that you’re marrying your best friend. Try not to focus on what you aren’t getting and focus on what you are- a husband!
Post # 10
I didn’t vote because I wouldn’t say you don’t ‘deserve’ it, but I would let it go and focus on the positive (i.e., marrying the love of your life!). I have similar situation where many close family members aren’t super excited or talkative about wedding. But I look at the silver lining…better not to be given the 3rd degree about every wedding detail. O rhearing unwanted opinions. Anyway, I realize they have their own lives and things going on and my wedding is not central to their lives.
Post # 11
I don’t think engagement parties happen as often as you think. I never even considered one. People have offered to throw you a work shower, which is very thoughtful. I’m sure that there will be a bridal shower for you as your wedding date gets closer!
Post # 12
You deserve some attention but you don’t deserve to be upset. Don’t waste this precious time being upset! Do not torture yourself (thinking you “deserve to be upset” and therefore sulking) when you could be celebrating. You’re engaged to the man of your dreams and people aren’t celebrating enough about it, so you’re lying in bed crying? Are you sure there isn’t something else going on??!
I really have to question if your expectations were realistic. I did not have an engagement party myself (I didn’t want one). People didn’t make a huge production out of the fact that we got engaged. That was ok with me. They said congratulations to us, and that’s what I appreciated 🙂
Maybe your family made a big stinking deal out of your aunt getting engaged for whatever reason (and then were being two faced behind her back, err, they sound like great people), but it’s not like that (either part of it) happens to everyone when they get engaged. As long as people acknowledge your engagement and congratulate the two of you, isn’t that more than enough? If not why not? Would you really rather they made a big deal out of your engagement to your face, and called your relationship a sham behind your back? That doesn’t sound like the better situation.