(Closed) Adults only wedding, opinions and advice welcome.

posted 5 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll: Should I only invite my little cousins?
    Yes- it's your wedding : (30 votes)
    77 %
    No- you have to invite all children if you're going to invite some : (9 votes)
    23 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    942 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    theres been a large number of posts about this and I think the general consensus on here is all or nothing. You can’t invite 2 kids without inviting others as it is usually seen as offensive and rude. If you are set on your plan to invite 2 kids only, then you will most likely upset some people & may have to deal with some drama. 

    You could do a ‘no kids under 6 yo’ rule. That would probs be the least offensive option (although may still offend some) other than all or nothing

    Post # 4
    Member
    115 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I’ve been to lots of wedding where the only children present were part of the ceremony, and no one seemed to mind. You might also consider hiring a sitter to take care of the girls during the reception somewhere nearby. Then their parents could relax and enjoy the evening while you avoid hurting any feelings! 🙂 That’s our plan, too!

    Post # 5
    Member
    11352 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    @BridieBea:  

    It’s perfectly fine to invite some children and not others, as long is there is an easily understandable difference between why some children are able to attend and others are not. For example, anyone could understand and accept that only children who are in the bridal party are invited, or only your nieces and nephews, etc.

    From the threads that I’ve seen on WB, it seems that most of the opposition to child-free weddings arises when couples attempt to exclude their siblings’ children. This seems to result in a great deal of conflict and hurt feelings.

    Post # 6
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I think you have no problem with just having the two that are in your wedding party at the reception.   Just because you teach doesn’t mean you want to be around kids 24/7.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1685 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    We’re making a rule that close family gets to bring kids, no one else.  

    Post # 8
    Member
    983 posts
    Busy bee

    I’ve been invited to “kid free” weddings, found sitters for my kids, show up at the weddings, seen kids there…I got offended. Either have a kid free wedding or a kid wedding.  Don’t include kids in the wedding party, if you do, then have the parents not include them in the reception if you feel it’s important to you not to have kids at the reception.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2287 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: Central Park

    Generally it is all or nothing but I think that bridal party kids are excluded from that. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1828 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Generally, it seems there are 4 choices: all children, family member’s children only, children in bridal party only or none. Whatever your choice make sure you STICK to it. What is offensive is when someone says something like one cousin’s children can’t come but allows other cousin’s children to come or one friend’s children and not another’s, etc. When you do this it looks you have deliberately singled out that particular person’s children which anyone would be offended by.

    In this case, I see no problem with having only the two children in the bridal party there. They should definitely be exceptions to the ‘no children’ rule. That being said, that does not mean that everyone will agree with that decision. You will probably have an uphill battle so be prepared with a standard answer as to your rule BEFORE people start to ask and be prepared for people to decline invites due to this.

    Post # 11
    Member
    173 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I’m in the same exact boat as you (I’m even a teacher too, so I really do love kids!) If we invited kids, our guest list would be way up. We decided it would be best to forgo a flower girl and ring bearer. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee

    I’m worrying people will be offended they didn’t get to bring their babies and kids and bring up the fact that I’m a teacher.

    Yes. They will.

    This is simply part of the package when you exclude children from a wedding, and you will have to be prepared for it. Neither decision (exclude kids or include kids) is consequence-free, like anything else. You just have to decide which set of consequences you’d rather deal with.

    You get to have the wedding you want, and you get to make the rules about whether/which/how many kids attend. However, your guests don’t automatically have to like it, and they don’t have to *pretend* to like it. If you choose to exclude children, you should realize that in doing so you are choosing to make some of your guests unhappy, and you will almost certainly hear about it. You can minimize it somewhat by being consistent; if you make exceptions, you need to be prepared that yes, that will lead to more complaints. It comes with the territory of excluding kids. For couples who choose to include kids, they have to deal with a different set of issues that comes with that territory.

    Post # 13
    Member
    5479 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    We had no children under 10 EXCEPT our 5 year old flower girl, and my 3 month old niece who was still breastfeeding.  We didn’t get any complaints and if anyone was offended we didn’t hear about it!

    Post # 14
    Member
    4687 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

    I DO NOT WANT KIDS at my wedding. Ugh, I’ve had nightmares of it. (I teach high schoolers so maybe that’s why.)

    That being said, I have to have my little niece as the flower girl. I think of her more as a “mascot” lol. I think immediate kids (step kids and nieces and nephews) should be allowed. We only have one in the family THANK GOD!!

    I am not telling any guests she’ll be in it however. Don’t want to piss off the 6 couples I told were not allowed to bring their kid. Bahhaha

    Post # 15
    Member
    424 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I’ve been to a wedding where the only kids were in the bridal party, and they ended up overtaking the dance floor and running around like maniacs. 

    One thing that I never see on the “no kids at weddings” post is allowing infants who are still exclusively nursing.  You can’t leave those kids with sitters necessarily (unless they are on pre-pumped bottles) and if you want the mother to come to the wedding, you’ll need to allow them.

     

    I do agree with previous posters that you should have a definitive line to define what kids get to go to the wedding.

    Post # 16
    Member
    551 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    we are only inviting my 2 nephews and 2 nieces (who are all very well behaved and if not, their parents take them away which is how it should be). We have many couple friends that have children and it would have added a third more people or double if we invited kids too, so we are just telling our friends, it’s a night out for them get a sitter. We have also put in on our website (may add it to the invites as well). I’m going to limit the rsvp to a max of 2, so that should get the point across.

    we felt bad at first, but once we told our friends and family, they are fine with it. The kids add another element, they can take over the dancefloor, they are talking and crying and making noise during the ceremony, there’s just not a place for that at all weddings.

    The topic ‘Adults only wedding, opinions and advice welcome.’ is closed to new replies.

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