Weddingbee boards

Sorry, kinda long!

First of all, let me tell you I DON'T care about getting expensive presents!  My best friend can't afford to get me anything, and I don't care AT ALL and am still generous when giving to her...Here's the situation now, though:

My MIL/FIL insisted on throwing me a 30th bday party for the family.  (I didn't want one!)  It was planned at least a week in advance.

BIL & SIL were so late, we finally had to eat the food w/o them or it would go bad, and the MIL/FIL said they didn't even know if they were coming at all!

So, they show up late w/ a card and no present.   Now, I mostly think this is weird, bc this is the only year I don't remember them giving me a present for Bday or Christmas.  Even before DH & I were engaged, I usually bought them presents "just from me" for bdays and Christmas.  What made it even more awkward was that I had a small present for EACH of them!  lol (We just got back from Italy.)

They both work and keep spending $ on themselves, so I can't help but feel this is a snub.  I'm more worried about the snub than lack of present!  However, when I told my mom about this (she's seen them act like punks before during my wedding), she said not to get her something for her bday this month.  Well, I don't think I need to stoop to that, especially since I've already been shopping for her!  In fact, I already have 3 presents for the SIL.  I was thinking of giving her all 3 for a VERY generous bday present (before Christmas), but I have to admit I'm tempted to just give them to her spread out for both bday & Christmas.  (It would be a little stingy but not extreme.) 

Also, I asked DH if they were mad at me, and he said it was just them, not me, but he doesn't tend to pick up on subtleties...Also, he said that they are sad that they don't see *him* much anymore...but they are the ones that moved 30-40 mins away and used to be 5?!  and we are crazy busy (in SW industry).  Not to mention, when I invite them out, they say they don't like <that activity> (like "we don't DO musicals").  I don't feel comfortable enough asking them about it, since I don't want them to think it's just about the gift.

Hive, give me some sage words of advice! ;)  I'm such a people pleaser, and I'm having a hard time letting this go, and I need to decide what to give her for her bday.

granted, it was a short period of time, but the party was actually 2 whole weeks after my actual bday

My thought is that different people have different expectations of gift giving. I don't give birthday presents to either of my SILs -- my brother's wife and DH's sister. However, if you have set the expectation of gift giving, it is right to reciprocate, and I see your other examples of snubbery too.

I'd figure something is up with this behavior. Who knows what.... is this BIL your husband's brother, and his wife is a little perturbed with spending time with her in-laws? That's my guess.

My advice: continue to give token gifts when appropriate, or if you find something they'll really like. Ask them out every once in a while. Continue to be the "bigger person" and try not to expect too much. Either they'll come around or they're too consumed in their own lives to be friendly. Good luck! I know how hard it is to try to get along with new families that do things differently than you do.

I would spread the gifts out.

yes, this is my hubby's bro & his wife

thanks everyone!