No big wedding for us! family will be disappointed

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Dreambee:  When you say “small” and “intimate” are you thinking just close family only or an elopmenet with just parents and siblings?

I come from a large Southern family so because of the sheer size a small wedding was out the questions. My family is close too.

My suggestion would be someting I got off the Bee:

Family members you talk with only.

Personalized RSVP cards that have the name of the people invited written on the card

An axe wielding day of coordinator who is not afriad to call those who try to invite themselves or alter their RSVP cards

Post # 4
Member
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

I haven’t technically encountered this problem yet, but I know I will once we officially start planning our wedding. SO and I have agreed on immediate family and close friends only, which is a big deal for me because I truly just want to elope because I don’t really want all of the stress, and would rather spend the money on a big trip. The immediate family that I have invited has been grandparents, parents, brothers and sisters and their families. That already puts us at 32, so we are looking at around 40-50 with our closer friends. 

I know my parents will be a problem. They paid for my sister’s venue, but the guest list was completely made up of people that THEY wanted to invite. I think my sister had one friend at her wedding, and the rest was extended family and my mom’s choices. My SO’s mom will probably be the same way, “Well you HAVE to invite so and so!” 

It will be hard, but SO especially will definitely have to put his foot down. He isn’t really close to all of his aunts and uncles, so it’s pointless for them to be there. He is also worried because some of his family members are very religious, and he doesn’t want that to be a part of our wedding.

Post # 5
Member
2264 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

My best friend did this.

Honestly, it was tough. Her and her husband decided to invite about 20 people to one of their favorite restaurants to celebrate. No traditional wedding toasts, no big dress, no bridesmaids, just a nice intimate meal. Honestly, as a guest, I had a great time! Her extended family still gripes, though.

Sometimes, you just have to stand your ground and do what is best for you and your fiance. Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I wanted a small wedding and EVERYONE was up my ass, especially my mother and some of my cousins.

The intrusion and pressure became too much, so my husband and I eloped.

Everyone was disappointed, but at least they learned what happens when they try to butt in and run our lives.

I know that if I allowed my parents to pay for a huge wedding, they would use that as an excuse to take over our marriage. No thanks. 

Post # 9
Member
4468 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Dreambee:  A wedding should be about the bride and groom and their wishes. If you want a small wedding, go for it! You can’t always please everyone, but on your wedding day you should do what makes the two of you happy. People who love you should be happy for you regardless of your wedding decisions.

Post # 13
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@Dreambee:  We are doing the same thing as you, a simple backyard intimate wedding 🙂 I don’t have a lot of family but my FI does–and a lot of them he doesn’t regularly associate with because they’re gossips and whatnot–so when it comes time to do the guest list it should be interesting to say the least!

Post # 14
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I wouldn’t worry. My Dad is one of 5, my Mom is one of 3, and DH’s mother is one of SEVEN.

We didn’t invite ANY aunts/uncles/cousins! And aside from one person, everyone was 100% supportive and loved our decision to keep the wedding small and intimate!

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