Post # 1
I just received an invitation to a Bridal Shower. I’ve know the bride for sometime now through other friends but we are not that close. What upset me about the Bridal Shower is that it stated “No Boxed Gifts Please” in the description of the evite (In fact, that is ALL that’s written in the body of the evite. Nothing about the bride, about the program, etc.) The Shower is at someone’s house so I’m guessing it’s not costing them a lot of money to throw. I’m appalled that they can ask for cash on the Shower when it has already been made abundantly clear to everyone that the wedding to follow is very expensive (which means we need to ‘gift’ generously to cover ourselves).
What bothers me is that I’ve always been an amazing gifter – I would have gotten her something VERY nice and would not think twice about the cost aspect because I like the idea of sharing a present and the fun of opening the presents in front of everyone. But asking for it so crassly on the Shower Invite? I just feel like the guests are being used here. It’s not our job to finance her wedding. Not to mention I already gifted over $100 at the engagement.
I’m already trying to save up for the wedding, which I know will cost me a fair bit. i heard through friends they chose their wedding invitees based on how much they will gift.
I would have loved to attend, but I am thinking that as a matter of principle I am going to decline the shower. Do you guys agree? Am I being too harsh?
Post # 3
Don’t go! I’ve been to a ‘cash preferred’ shower and it was HORRIBLE. The bride opened all the cards and read each one. AWKWARD!
Post # 4
There is no point to a no-boxed-gifts shower. It’s not a shower then. I wouldn’t go and wouldn’t send a gift.
Post # 5
@Sheba12: I absolutely wouldn’t go – or if I did I would ignore the request and get her a gift. Honestly, I would probably avoid the wedding too, it sounds like it’s one set to make facebook for another bride going on a rant about how ungrateful her guests are and what crappy gift givers they are.
Post # 6
I would buy a gift, take it out of the box, put it in a bag and say, “it’s not in a box.”
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2014 - Squaw Valley
@Sheba12: Ok, I feel pretty stupid for not realizing that was a way to reqyest money. I would have showed up with a gift in a Bag w/ tissue! LOL Shows how clueless I am!
Post # 8
No way. And I’m not a fan of evites for a shower. Just feels lazy.
Post # 9
Just don’t go! Especially if you already gave such a generous gift as an engagement present. Around my groups of friends, people don’t give engagement gifts unless they’re close family. It sounds like you’re very conscious of trying to gift a nice present at their wedding, which is thoughtful of you. To make that happen, just skip this crazy party (maybe someone else planned it and wrote the invites) and have a great time at the swanky wedding.
Post # 10
Yeahhhhh no. I would decline.
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
My MIL is throwing me a shower and we haven’t registered anywhere because we already have everything we need. However, I would be appalled for her to write “no boxed gifts” or something else to the effect of “give us money!” on the invitations. I really just want everyone to get together for a nice afternoon to drink some mimosas and chat. I hate to register for stuff just to get stuff that we don’t really want, need, or have room for. We live in a tiny downtown apartment plus I have been married before so I feel guilty expecting gifts from guests that attended my first wedding.
My FI and I are on the same page that if asked we have to respond with the standard “no need to buy us anything, we just want everyone to enjoy our day.” Of course we will be grateful for any gifts we do receive, we just aren’t counting on getting much if anything. Is there is any other way to be polite about not registering (and not expecting gifts from our guests)?
Post # 13
I would skip it.
I am not a fan of engagement parties, but this is where a couple gets money for the wedding. The shower is for the start of there lives together.
My sister was recently invited to a Jack & Jill shower at the groom father’s restaurant. The only want gift certificates for a cuise (my sister isn’t sure if this is for this year or after their wedding next year). What is even worse, is there is a service fee.
**At first I thought it was that the bride didn’t want to open gifts, I know of shower invites requesting clear cellophane so that bride can see what you gave but doesn’t have to unwrap.
Post # 14
If it only says “no boxed gifts please” that could be interpreted two ways – 1. cash only (which is pretty rude) or 2. no wrapped or boxed presents (which is a real time saver with large parties). I’ve been to bridal and baby showers where they asked that nothing be wrapped, it let them skip having to open every single gift in front of everyone and gives them more time to mingle (which I prefer, cause sitting through every gift gets boring haha)
I would contact the host and ask them to specify 🙂
Post # 15
@beachbride1216: Don’t have a shower, have a pre-wedding celebration or engagement celebration. If you call it a shower, gifts are implied.
Post # 16
@Sheba12: Put the gift in a bag!