Post # 1
I know in every book and website it says do not put those words in your invite. Well in Indian weddings, mostly all invites I have ever recieved say “No Boxed Gifts”. FI & I are about to move and basically have everything we need. We have all the typical household items, new furniture, etc. We are in the process of buying a house. So the one and only thing we would like to have is $. Now we don’t really expect to bank on the wedding, or make enough money to recoup all the costs and stuff. We do want a little bit for the house, and you know just try to start our savings again. Another thing I didn’t mention is I am Indian and FI is American. So his mom calls me and asks me the other day, everyone is asking what to get you, and what “Please no boxed gifts” means? I had explained this to her centuries ago, how we have no room in our current tiny apartment for anything else! I haven’t even moved in yet, all his stuff is everywhere! So she continues to say I don’t know what to say. I was really hoping that we spread the word, the monetary gifts are fine. Like I said I am not greedy for the money, but I just don’t want 17 plates of china that I will never use. So she says well I don’t know how to explain to them you guys want money, I am just going to say they don’t want anything, just don’t get them anything, just come to the wedding. Although I am ok with that, I was still shocked! My reception is for about 200, and out of that about almost 70 are the people my MIL is telling this to. lol so I was like ok, no problem. My FI says people aren’t stupid, they understand what “no boxed gifts” means, but they just don’t want to give monetary gifts. Do people really understand and should I just drop this topic? I am also worried that some people might be upset when they see others giving us envelopes with money, and feel out of place if they didn’t bring anything. Sorry I guess it was just vent! Should I explain it to my MIL again or just drop it?
Post # 3
While it may be an Indian tradition, I’ve never received an invitation that says, “No boxed gifts.” If I were to receive such an invitation, I would understand that you mean you don’t want gifts and only want money, but I would also think it were rude.
If I were you, I wouldn’t register anywhere and I would leave off the “No boxed gifts.” Explain to her (again) that you don’t have any room for gifts and have everything you need. If she needs to know what to tell people, just have her tell them you’re not registered anywhere. I would sure think people would be able to understand that that means – cash gifts or no gifts.
You’re opening yourself up to possibly receive no gifts from some, but I would think that would be far and few between. I would never attend a wedding without a card and some sort of gift.
Post # 4
I think most people know what it means, and I think most people are not going to ask your FMIL about it – so I wouldn’t worry about people showing up empty-handed and feeling awkward about it. And if they do, they can send something later (I almost always mail my gift). Just drop it with her; I don’t think it’s going to be a problem and it doesn’t sound like this is something she is ever going to understand.
Post # 5
I’ve never heard of this before, but I understood almost immediately that “no boxed gifts” meant monetary/GC only (…I admit, for a minute I imagined taking the Kitchen-Aid Mixer out of the box and trying to fit wrapping paper around it….)
I think it’s a valid request, but I wouldn’t put it on the invitation. Explain to your parents and ask FI to explain to his parents the kind of gifts that would really help you out. If you have a wedding webpage, you could probably put it on there. Maybe make a small registery as well, with just a few! things you could use/need to update. Then maybe when people see that your registery is sold out, they’ll get you cash anyway. Just a thought! 😉
Post # 6
Perhaps make 2 sets of invites. One for the American side that does NOT mention gifts it IS rude in most cases and many might take offense. Your mother in law can say “right now the couple would really appriciate monetray gifts for their upcoming purchase of a new house”. For the Indian side if that’s protocall go ahead and write “no boxed gifts” but definately don’t send that to the American side.
Post # 7
Yea, I’ve not seen that phrase on invites–for something like that, it’s probably best to spread the word verbally.
Because there’s always someone like me who would puzzle over it for a while and then wrap a bunch of wine glasses individually, thinking you just don’t like boxes…
Post # 8
I’m classic American (ie. family would flip if I had that on the invite). If I saw that I would question it but if someone explained its the norm for your culture I would leave it at that.
Post # 9
We didn’t really want gifts and were moving right after the wedding so we didn’t register for a lot and had people put out the word that cash would be great because of our upcoming move.
Post # 10
I’ve never encountered the phrase “no boxed gifts” before. I’ve only been to one Indian wedding, but then, it wasn’t a traditional one – my friend was marrying her girlfriend. 🙂 I’m sure I’d figure it out, though. I generally don’t like seeing anything about gifts on the invitation, but this is obviously a controversial subject and many people don’t feel the way I do about it.
Post # 11
I have heard of it before, and honestly, we don’t show up to a wedding with anything but an envelope, but I realize not all cultures are like that.
I think people would be smart enough to ask around about Indian culture also, and will find out what it means. If I were going to a wedding of another culture, I would go out of my way to find out what their custom is so I can adhere to it.
I really doubt people will show up empty handed, unless they are playing stupid and trying to be overly cheap. If you meant NO gifts at all, you would say no gifts, not “no boxed gifts”.
Post # 12
Never heard “no boxed gifts” before. My DH family is NY italian and they only give $$$, which is great. In my family, we were taught that giving cash as a gift was tacky, so we got a mix of cash and gifts. Turns out C&B gives cash back when you return stuff at the store. Maybe you could just register for a bunch of stuff there and return it? If I got an invite that said “no boxed gifts” I would have no idea what it meant. I might think, no wrapping bacause the bride and groom were enviornmentaly friendly?
Post # 13
We have the same issue, in my culture monetary gifts are the norm, in his, it’s gift registry. So we registred for gifts so he’s happy and we will get monetary gifts from my side of the family.
To the OP, if you get box gifts, just return it if you don’t need it. Don’t stress about it. 🙂
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2015 - Garden of the Gods
My big question is: will it offend anyone if this verbiage ISN’T on the invitations?
If not, I’m not sure why you’re asking. 🙂 I personally wouldn’t want to take the chance of offending anyone in this way. Yes, it is rude to specify what people should bring for a gift in American culture. It is rude to mention where you are registered in the invite as well. It is just rude to mention gifts on the invitation at all, because it makes it look like you EXPECT a gift. People will be unlikely to bring anything if you make demands on the invite.
I would just register for a small amount of gifts that you DO need/want and not worry about the rest. Many people will only buy what’s on the registry from the store you’re registered at, but some people bring gifts that are not on the registry anyway.
We were underwhelmed by the amount of boxed gifts we received, and overwhelmed by the amount of cash gifts at our wedding. Try to register at a store that isn’t located near the majority of your guests (one of ours was Target, which doesn’t exist in our hometown). Many guests don’t even look at the registry anyway; it’s simpler to give you cash/a gift card and leave it up to you to do the shopping for what you really want.
Try to breathe, I’m sure your FMIL isn’t trying to stress you out. She just didn’t know how to tell you directly that many people will think this verbiage is rude and may not bring a gift at all.
Hope this helps!
Post # 15
Aww you guys are always so so supportive lol I love you girls that thought about wrapping a present without the box lol now I am kinda hoping someone will bring a present without a box at the wedding!! Lol it’ll definitely stay as a memory! =) Yea in our tradition its usually written no boxed gifts or they register somewhere. But its also in our culture if we don’t write anything on invitation, then they go buy something absolutely worthless, that you didn’t want, and even if you are registered somewhere. Most of the family is super excited about the cultural wedding and trust me I have like 3 pg descriptions for each day on the website lol but they are so thankful for that! I just don’t want to offend anyone but I just hate to have worthless presents! Thanks again ladies!
Post # 16
I knew exactly what “no boxed gifts” meant but despite that, if I were invited to your wedding, I would still have gotten you a “boxed gift”. I am not a fan of giving cash or gift cards as gifts, particularly for a wedding, so whether a B&G request it or not, I won’t do it. Now – it would be a well thought out “boxed gift” based on what I know of the B&G and their personalities, tastes, likes and dislikes – but I will not give cash or gift cards. I know I’m not the only one who doesn’t like giving cash or GC so I wouldn’t be surprised if you still get boxed gifts from some people.
I also agree with the PPs who said that if no one will be offended by “no boxed gifts” NOT being on the invites, why put it there?