Post # 1
So at the very beginning, my fiance and I agreed to skip the bridal party and really just focus on having the day be about the two of us and our families coming together. We are having my mother and his father sign as our witnesses.
We said no bridal party because we didn’t want to ‘pick’ friends… When we told everyone that we wouldn’t be having a bridal party the guys were all thankful they wouldn’t have to deal with the BS of tuxes and such…the girls were PISSED. I think their feelings were hurt and they felt left out… They got upset that they wouldn’t be dress shopping with me….I work for a bridal designer so I just picked out a dress, tried it on in a room at the office and ordered it, didn’t even take my mother or anyone to see it….. It was actually just as dramatic as it probably would have been to pick friends…
So, a bit of background…Our ceremony is a catholic ceremony at 230, with a evening reception. So there’s not a ton of ‘fun’ time prior to the ceremony for hanging out or anything. Plus I just don’t want either of us showing up after drinking to church….
Today he was talking about how he was going to hang out with all “the guys” before the ceremony. I told him that he couldn’t invite anyone to hang out because I wasn’t going to invite the girls. He got upset and said that I just keep telling him no…. I don’t want a huge entourage while I get ready. I really just want it to be my family. Our circle of friends don’t really have much of a filter and I don’t want that environment around our family…
However I know that if he asks the guys to “hang out” and I don’t ask the girls I’ll be pretty much shunned… I know for a fact at least one of the girls wouldn’t talk to me after the wedding… pretty stupid as far as friends go but its ridiculous the way they act sometimes I feel like its Kindergarden with them. If you invite one person to do something you have to invite everyone in the group or feelings get hurt….
Basically… what would you guys do? invite the girls along or just keep it family? and what would you do for the guys?? Any ideas how to apease everyone??
Post # 3
@MrsDToBe2014: it’s his day also. You want to spend it with family so do that. He should have the same opportunity to spend time with whomever he chooses. You told him “no” like a child? Good lord. And if your friendships are that delicate then they are not really friendships.
Post # 4
I did the same thing you’re doing. In hindsight it was the best decision ever for us, but I know how complicated it can get.
Why don’t you suggest that he has hang out time the night before or something? Especially since there won’t be that much time the day of.
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I’m not having a bridal party either, but I AM having my girls help me get ready (one if them is doing my makeup) and I AM going to have some champagne while I get dressed.
I can understand your not wanting to be in church after drinking, but I’m not sure I’d put my foot down about your FI having his guys with him. LIke the PP mentioned: it’s also his wedding! He wants to share the experience with them and that is totally normal!
Post # 6
@mamadingdong: totally agree. He’s a grown man. If he wants his friends there then who cares? You can either invite your friends (and you should be able to pick whoever you want without the rest of them acting silly over it) or just your family. I can’t imagine telling my husband “no” to something like this as if he is my child.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
@MrsDToBe2014: Not letting him get ready with his friends is pretty controlling. I think you should let him get ready the way he wants to get ready and with who. If you only want family around you then only have family around you, but let him have who he wants. I think you are (and have been) over-analyzing and worrying about other peopletoo much. If you want a friend there, have a friend there. If you don’t, then don’t. Don’t worry about what other people think. Don’t force your anxiety and what you want on your FH.
Post # 8
I didn’t have a bridal party either 🙂
Let your husband get ready with whoever he wants to get ready with. Apologize for this bridezilla demand, and tell him that he should do whatever makes him happy.
I have no idea who my husband got ready with. I primarily got ready with my mom and FMIL; but friends and other family members came in and out of my room as they pleased to give hugs and share my excitement.
If you want to get ready with just your family, then that’s what you should do. With regard to this statement:
“I know for a fact at least one of the girls wouldn’t talk to me after the wedding.”
… Maybe you should talk to this girl, and anyone else who is offended that you aren’t having a bridal party, now before the wedding. Invite them out for coffee or to come over and watch Friends re-runs, and candidly explain why you made the choices you did and that it has no reflection on the way you feel about them. Let her say whatever she has to say, and clear the air.
And if that doesn’t work out or isn’t an option for whatever reason, then maybe someone who won’t talk to you again over not being invited to get ready with you isn’t someone who you want to hang out with anyway.
Post # 9
@MrsDToBe2014: Do what you want do, spend the time with your family, it’s one special you won’t get back. I understand your concern as you don’t want there to be an atmosphere, but they’ll know and should understand it’s your day.
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I think it was a bad idea for you to try and dictate who he is/is not allowed to hang out with that day, and that you need to back off on this one. He is a big boy and should be trusted to make the decision that is best for him. “Let” him hang out with his guys while you hang out with your family.