Post # 1
Hello Bees. I don’t know what to do. I have 2 sisters and FI has 2 brothers, so we decided they would be our wedding party. We moved far away from our hometown and wanted to make it as easy as possible by not complicating things with a larger bridal party. I don’t have any friends really ( not in the country) that I can ask or other family to be my bridesmaids. When my sisters learned that i wanted them to be my bridesmaids, one of them was exited, and the other one said she won’t be because she is not wearing a dress; she said that “that is not who she is” and that she was wearing jeans and sneakirs to the wedding or she was not going. I could not believe this. I would do anything for any member of my family, I am always there for them and she can’t wear a dress for a few hours for me?! How wearing a dress is going to change a person?? I didn’t say anything to her, i just said ok. Now my fiance said that we should have no wedding party because 4 people was too litle already, but 3 looks weird. I completely understand but I am sad. I thought that his 2 brotheres and my 2 sisters was perfect. What do you bees think I should do?
Post # 3
I think if it means a lot to you for your sister to be a bridesmaid, find something that will work for both of you. Could she wear a pant-suit, similar to what the guys are wearing? I promise this will not look weird! If people know her, they will understand why she is not wearing a dress. Many brides wear pant-suits to their wedding (usually if they are marrying a woman) but they still look great! If your sister still refuses, she is being absolutely RIDICULOUS. You didn’t mention her age, but my guess is that she is a teenager. She will learn quickly that you get nowhere in life by refusing to wear anything but jeans and sneakers.
If for some reason she is still acting like a baby and refuses to go to your wedding, just have the 3 attendants. Once again, I promise this will not look weird! I am having no attendants. I went to a wedding with only a best man, no MOH and no other attendants. You should have the people who are close to you standing up with you on your wedding day, regardless of how many of them there are.
All that said, if you choose to go with no bridal party, that’s fine too! Like I said, that’s what I am doing. I think my point is that you shouldn’t feel you have to do any one thing because that’s what you “should” do. Any of these options would work fine!
Post # 4
4 is not too small- Have you offered paying for the dress for her so she doesn’t feel like it’s a waste of her money (since she will likely never wear it again) …? Work it out with your sister and 4 is going to look just fine!
Post # 5
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@Greenpat468: I think having no one in your party is fine, people have more problems with their parties than it’s worth IMO. But it sounds like you’ve already told your one sister that is excited, so now are you going to kick her out of the “party”?
Post # 6
I would offer to meet your sister halfway – rather than wearing a dress, have her wear a pantsuit, or nice slacks and a blouse that isn’t too girly but is the bridesmaid color, and loafers/flat dress shoes/ballet flats/some shoes that are flat but not sneakers. If she feels so strongly about it, I’d just accomodate her if you want her in the wedding. We had to make dress changes for one of our bridesmaids who is Mormon and needed a completely different dress from everyone else. We just did it because having her there was more important than what she was wearing.
Post # 7
@Pumpkin_Bee: thanks for the advice. She is my older sister. She is 29 so is not teenager thing. I do agree with you on not asking somebody just to have more people.
@TrustingGod: Thanks for the idea. I would gladly pay for it; she never even gave me the chance to talk about it before refusing. I will try that.
@mchitt329: I agree with you. I want my other sister to stand with me even if is just her.
@distracts: I will work with her, I will ask if she would like to wear a pants suit or something. It just made me very sad that she didn’t concider my feelings or thought twice before telling me she would not be a bridesmaid. I was just taken by surprice.
Thank you all for your words. Great advice
Post # 8
It’s perfectly fine to have a BP that’s not evenly matched. Your sister is acting a little bit like a brat, so let her off the hook and go with the sister who’s excited to be a part of it.
Post # 9
My brother and my best friend each had only one on each side. Im only having two on each side. I think one and two is fine.
Post # 10
@Greenpat468: I think you need to tell your sister just how much this means to you. If she loves you, she will come around. It is ONE DAY. She can do this for one day.
Maybe she is worried about finding the money for the dress and she just doesn’t want to let you know that? Perhaps you could ask her again, tell her how much this means to you, and tell her that you will pay for her dress? That might help.
Post # 11
I do think it’s weird that she refuses to wear anything besids jeans & sneakers.
My mom usually wears pants suits when she’s a guest at weddings.
Post # 12
Don’t enable your sister’s behavior. If you want symmetry in the bridal party then tell her what you are and are not willing to compromise on as far as her wedding attire goes, as well as that you only want her there under conditions that are agreeable, including her attitude (tone: unwavering, loving, yet a smidge of disappointment as a result of her selfishness). If you want her there, try. If she is still a pill, then don’t cause yourself any more anxiety by continuing to deal with her—if she can’t see and appreciate that you are honoring her, then so be it.
If you don’t care that the bridal party is uneven, then don’t worry about anything you don’t want to (including the regret of not having anyone at your side due to your fiancé’s worry over appearances). I like small bridal parties, it is more intimate—to me it says that you want to share this experience with the people you have the most meaningful relationships with. More to the point, I think it makes those you do include seem more special. I will be having two men and one woman total in my bridal party (male and female on my side of the aisle), and never had a second thought about it (even considering that I excluded two of my siblings from this list). Don’t let her rain on your parade.
Post # 13
@LIKE-A-BOSS: thanks for your words. Nice to hear that
Post # 14
@Greenpat468: I’m glad! Just relax and try to enjoy the experience as much as possible. It is supposed to be a day about your love and happiness afterall, and looking back after the big day should only remind you of this and not others’ troublemaking