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It's definitely up to you, especially if you'll be serving alcohol. Some people will fuss/be offended/what have you, but like you said, you spent too much and put too much effort into this to not have it go the best it possibly can. If you are going for a non-kiddie kind of feel, that's your decision. That being said, we're inviting like 40 kids to our wedding (I wish I was joking). But it suits us and the wedding we're having. Do what's right for you. If you won't look back and regret not including the kids, then go for it.
We had no kids at our wedding and it was WONDERFUL - I wouldn't have it any other way. Lis.smith is right that some people will be offended at first, but they will get over it. I learned very quickly that some parents think their kids are more important that anything in the world, but then once the wedding date came closer they began to look forward to a night out without the kids.
It wouldn't have been "my" wedding if I had kids there -- I would have been miserable and frustrated the whole time. So for me, no kids was the only option and it saved us money!
Our wedding is a family affair and kids are a big part of our family. The kids are welcome and we wouldn't have it any other way. But we are both laid back people and don't mind the kids running around. And for the most part, all the kids invited (ages 2-15) are well behaved and the parents are responsible. But that's us, in the end it's your day and if it's that important to you, stick to your guns and be firm. Because if you aren't and some kids show up, you're going to be stressed. And the last thing you want on your wedding day is to be stressed.
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I think this is a personal issue. We are having an adult only reception as all the children in our family are toddler age and it is an evening wedding. People need to do what works for them and if that is your decision then I say go for it.
thank you all. But how do I actually tell people that? what is the proper way? I am inviting 250+ people. about half of them have children. do i call or put it in the invitation?
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PUt the adults names on the envelope -- put Adult only reception at the bottom of the invite and have friends and family spread the word.
It's funny, I have only brought my kids to one wedding which was my BFF who has kids and nieces and had an outside park setting. I've never paid much attention to whether they were invited or not just assumed that they don't belong at the average fancy wedding? Of course at my own, there will be my teens and my nieces(1yrs-15yrs) and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Point is it should be common sense to those who are considerate to what type of event you have planned and those that don't get it and would be offended might not get the envelope either. Make sure your friends or family make it politely clear to the parents.
It's entirely your choice who to invite and hopefully your guests won't be offended but rather look forward to and enjoy a night without their kids. That said, of course someone will be upset but that person should certainly not be you at your wedding! Make sure you use the adults names only on the invite so its clear only they are invited. If your RSVP cards have a space for number attending I would suggest writing in the number of adults the invite is meant for...just to really bring the point home clearly.
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ARe you having a website? One thing you can do is to have a link regarding childcare options. Our venue is a hotel which is giving us a couple of suites for the weekend. Since my parents won't be using theirs, we're planning to have it stocked with snacks etc throughout the weekend for OOT guests. On the night of the reception we'll probably hire a babysitter and have a special dinner in the suite for the kids (though in our case it won't be too many b/c most of my friends don't have kids yet). I'm planning to put this information on the website without explicitly saying "no kids" or "adults only". I'm hoping that its clear. It really doesn't make sense at our wedding to have small children at our dinner (b/c of our friends and family's ages, there's no one in the in between age groups)...but this way they can be in the same place, their parents can check on them, and they can come down for dancing if they are still up. It's not that I don't want them there at all, but I really think even the kids would be bored sitting through a long dinner and I don't especially want to deal with extra hassles in seating arrangements or pay an extra $100 for a kid to complain about their food.
I agree with tmarie, I would expect it to be fairly obvious that a very formal event would not include kids who aren't immediate family (in my case my very young nieces will probably both be in bed by the time dinner starts anyway). And I know I'd never have wanted to attend such an event when I was a kid.
Are there any single mom's invited? This was always an issue for my mom because she was never able to leave me home while she attended a wedding out of town. As a result, I ended up being the only kid at many wedding when I was little and I loved it! I was annoyed one year when I had to stay in a hotel room and babysit my cousins because the couple was firm on this issue.
That said, I understand where you're coming from and I say, do what makes you and your FI happy! Just make it clear on the invitation (as the others have said) so that people don't freak.
There's nothing wrong with not inviting children (or with only inviting some children).
Just address this invite to "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe" (instead of including "and Family").
I had over 400+ people invited to my wedding without children. The only children we had were our flower girls and ring bearers. We just put on the invitation, "Adult Reception at..." There were a few people who called and asked if they could bring their children, but we had a no exception rule. We just didn't have the money to include everyone's children, and wanted other friends there instead. It's completely up to you, and a good way to ensure that it happens is to put "Adult Reception" on your reception cards.
I totally feel your pain!
When we started our planning, this was one of this 1st issues I thought about.
I also felt like I was spending too much money, time and effort to create a perfect wedding. I didn't want kids running around and screaming at my reception.
I searched the blogs for ideas and talked to all my friends. It is so hard because you do not want to offend people.
And then I realized this: I AM going to offend people. Regardless!
But it is more import to stick to my guns. I read somewhere that it was not worth it to give in. You don't want to feel resentful at your wedding,or after the fact. If you know you want something..or DON"T want something.....don't ignore that feeling to make others happy.
I choose to tell my few close freinds who had kids that it was an "adult only" event. And so pther people would know MONTHS in advance, I put on the STD "Adults Only Please"
It is still a touchy issue. I am sure people will be offeneded. But I don't think it is right to make me feel like I have to include kids in my wedding.
It's your choice. We didn't have children at our wedding and some of my more traditional family made a huge issue about it, but that was their choice. We were excluding children because of the crowd that was invited and where the wedding was being held. I'm glad we excluded the kids (If I had kids, I wouldn't have wanted them to see 120 wasted adults having a good time). And my family (extended) got over it- though I've never really felt the same about them. I know how i would never act :)
I feel you kk1984 bc I am debating the same, although my wedding will be much smaller. In the end, you've got to do what will make you happy the day of your wedding. I asked my cousin about it who has 3 kids and she told me that people will understand. Just a side note: my nickname is KK too!!!
This is totally your choice. We're not inviting anyone under the age of 16 and I'm totally okay with our decision. It made sense for us for lots of reasons. So far, I haven't had anyone whose had a big problem with it.
Ugh, I don't want kids. They scream and run around and are obnoxious. Not to mention, too many parents LET THEM! Thankfully, we included the "Mr and Mrs" not "and family" on our invitations and I am fully prepared to call and explain that since we are paying for the wedding ourselves and weren't expecting children, we aren't having a babysitter or children's table and don't have the room for extra mouths and whatnot. Call me snooty, but I don't want to deal with it. It helps that most of our guests are either in their 20's and babyless or are grandparents. If we were in our 30's or so and lots of kids would be uninvited, I'd consider a babysitter and kid's table and kids' food and stuff, but I'm not feeding a 10 year old a $50 plate of chicken. I think our only kid will be our nephew, the ring bearer. It's your party, your choice!
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Do you have a concrete reason why you can't have children at the wedding? (Like, the venue doesn't allow it, the reception starts/ends too late, etc.) This might help your guests better understand your decision -- and allow you to feel less guilty!
We had some kids at our wedding, inclduing a 2 year old, and my hand to god I had to ask my mom later if they even showed up. I didn't notice them at all, and the pictures afterwards were hilarious of them dancing and falling asleep on a couch. They were incredibly well behaved though, so this might be the exception. Our caterer didn't count them into the final count, either. We had a pretty hoppin' party though which made it hard to notice, so if you're looking for more low key, that totally makes sense to exclude them, especially if you know that their parents will not be taking care of them the way they could (I HATE it when parents are irresponsible like that- it just sets a bad example for their kids).
I am feeling at home here in this forum! We decided not to have children at the wedding, mostly due to our limited budget, even though we absolutely LOVE kids! We decided on an "all or nothing" approach with the kids. If no kids were invited, then we had to make sure not to make any exceptions. But now we're getting grief from my family about my nephew. My nephew will almost be 2 years old by the time the wedding rolls around. My family is constantly asking me why he can't be THE exception.
Is that fair? should we just give in and let him be the exception? I mean, he IS awfully cute. I would just feel so terrible for the other parents... ugh!
Don't feel guilty! Adults-only parties are common enough. People should respect the invite.
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don't feel guilty nor feel the need to justify your preference. i've been to weddings where babies bawl / kids yell at important moments and it is quite disconcerting.
i've seen invites that say "An Adult Affair" at the bottom. You could phrase it in some other way too."A sophisticated soiree" maybe?
I know the etiquette guides say not to write Adults Only on the invites. If you're concerned, maybe spread the word and hope people abide by it?
if you DO have a valid reason (maybe venue constraints), you could indicate that on the invites too, so your guests can be more understanding :)
good luck!
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i am spending way to much money for my wedding and want everything to go smoothly. I had some bad experiences with kids at my parties before, but always feel bad asking people to leave their children at home. What do you think?