No children except those in the wedding party

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
6017 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

It is kind of rude to ask people to travel out of state and find a sitter for their kids. If you offer to pay for a sitter, it’s a little less rude. However, I doubt many people would be comfortable with some random stanger taking their kids to Chuckie Cheese or something. How many kids are we talking here? Kids really aren’t as big of a nuisanse at weddings as people like to make them out to be.

Post # 3
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

Not at all! If you are okay with guests not being able to attend, than there is no problem at all! I get why there are feelings about it but honestly, I’m a mama and unless I couldn’t arrange for someone to stay with my child or if my child was in the wedding, I wouldn’t want to bring him to a wedding anyway. That’s just me though! It’s your wedding, it’s never wrong to want what you want! 

Post # 5
Member
42522 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Olgarie:  It is not wrong to want a child free wedding. You have already indicated that you accept the downside of that decision- some people won’t come because they don’t want to leave children at home , or have them cared for by a strange sitter at your wedding.

You could include an insert with your invitation explaining that you are having a child free wedding and asking the parents if they would take advantage of a sitter if one was provided. That information will give you an idea if that service would be used and for how many kids.

Post # 6
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee

there has to be a cutoff somewhere when it comes to the guestlist. and mine was after 1st cousins. so my cousins are invited, but not their kids.

We do have an exception- FI’s entire family is from wisconsin (we’re in LA too) and he has 1 cousin who really wants to come but she has a 3 year old. i was guilted into letting her come- but she will be held inside an area away from the ceremony, then allowed in the reception. that was the only compromise i could make. I am honestly regretting even allowing this one kid bc they really are a pretty annoying nuisance at weddings.

Post # 7
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Olgarie:  I would just write “Adult Reception to Follow”  The way you phrased it seems sort of condescending.

My philosophy is that the bride and groom are entitled to have whatever wedding they want including child-free and your guests are free to decline with no hard feelings.  I think it just gets complicated when guests get bent out of shape that they can’t bring their precious child and hosts are upset that parents can’t leave their kid for one night.

Post # 8
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It’s completely fine to not have children at the wedding.  And if you’re okay with the fact that some people will not be able to come because of that even better.  Please don’t write that it’s adult only on the invite, this is not needed.  You just address the invite to the couple that are invited and if they ask about children you can tell them unfortunately you don’t have space.  It’s rude to point out who isn’t invited on the invite.

Post # 9
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I dont think it is rude to request no kids if you don’t wish kids. It is your event for goodness sake! The give and take here is that you as a hostess need to be prepared for people turning down the invitation, which it sounds like you are.

I agree with the previous poster who mentioned that as a parent they’d prefer to not have their child at a wedding either. Unless there was something set up specifically for the kids to do, which is understandably not in everyone’s budget.

It is a late night of mainly activities catered towards adults aka grouchy grouchy children by the end of the night.

 

Post # 10
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Olgarie:  There is nothing wrong with wanting an adult only wedding. If people cannot find a sitter they should decline the invitation. As with anything in your normal life there are places you cannot take kids. People complain about their kids not being invited to weddings as if they are permitted to take their kids every where they go. You also are not required to pay for a sitter for someone else’s child. Have the event you want and don’t let anyone bully or guilt you into changing your plans.

Post # 11
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee

You are not rude! I am doing the same thing. My neice and nephew will be at my ceremony and will be leaving before the nighttime reception. No other children are invited to my wedding.

I am getting married in New England and I have relatives I am inviting from Seattle, Maryland, Pennsylvania. If they choose to travel with their childen I can refer them to a local sitter (that they would pay for).  If you cannot find a sitter or don’t want to leave your child at home-you will be missed! There is nothing wrong with having an adults only wedding. 

Also I wouldn’t go out of your way to something to do for the kids. Generally I’ve found the more you offer people the more they will pick you apart! Just say “adults only” and leave it at that.

Post # 13
Member
6891 posts
Busy Beekeeper

There is nothing wrong with a child free wedding, but respectfully, that’s not what you are planning.  The big issue here is that you are having all the immediate family kids on your side, and excluding most on FI’s. There is no mandate to have children in your wedding party. They are guests.  You always risk hurting feelings whenever you are not consistent with a guest list.

If you do go child free it is  considered rude to write “adult only” on the invitation. Invitations should only extend hospitality, not exclude or imply people do not know how to read an invitation. The nice thing to do if you are planning a child free reception is to call to find out if you can assist with finding child care or set it up yourself.  

Post # 15
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

weddingmaven:  There are no immediate family kids who aren’t invited, just more attenuated (kids of cousins, not immediate family). 

OP I am doing the same thing (two children, both in wedding party) and people should understand. As long as you are ok with people not coming if they don’t want to attend without their kids, you are fine. 

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