(Closed) No children, it’s still a wedding!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have to say….Your description of the nightmare children, made me laugh…I thought, yep thats what I want.

Crying, screaming, stealing running, grubby toddlers, give me more. Infact bugger the adults, let the little children come to my wedding, lol.


Post # 6
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Your description is hilarious.  

Post # 7
3697 posts
Sugar bee

@MerryWidow:  You could be proactive and make arrangements to provide childcare – is there a teenager in the neighborhood (or maybe 2-3) who could watch the kids at a nearby house? Then when you send the invites, you can include a note or follow up with a phone call saying, “Dear John and Jane, we wanted to give you the opportunity to have a little time to yourselves and enjoy socializing at our wedding, so we’ve arranged for Tiffany Smith and Brittany Jones to provide complimentary childcare at (nearby address) for children under age X while the festivities are taking place, from the hours of (start time-end time)” … do you think something like that would work? You incur a little extra expense – but you get the reception you want and you come off as considerate rather than anti-child. Wink

Post # 10
1512 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Unless the invite says no children, I would presume it was ok to bring my daughter, since anybody who knows me knows we’re a package deal. Maybe people in your circle are different though.

Just because it’s an outdoor wedding, doesn’t mean I would bring a stroller. Also, I would just sit her on my lap so I wouldn’t take up an extra seat. I think your worst case scenarios sound a little far fetched, but again, I don’t know your circle. Obviously, I’m pro having children at weddings, but if you’re not, you need to state it on the invite.

Post # 11
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Maybe you could have a special area for strollers?  Like they do at restaurants, where you have to keep them by the front door.

Post # 12
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@MerryWidow:  I think that you have a good plan.  Specifically address the invites, maybe put a note on your website (if you’re having one) and have your mom spread the word if people are confused.

You really shouldn’t put “Adult Only” on an invite because that assumes that your guests are rude enough to not know that the invite is only for those whose names are on the envelope.  HOWEVER, if you think people will just assume (which is ridiculous, IMO, but that might be what you’re dealing with, as your mom says), then I would actually phone or talk to parents beforehand to explain the situation.  

I don’t think that it’s your responsibility to provide child care.  It’s nice if you do, but don’t feel like you have too.  You get to invite who you want to your wedding and those people have a right to decline if they don’t like the terms of your invite.  


Post # 13
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am all for childless weddings.  Really… my vision of a wedding with children is very similar to yours.  However, I never can understand why brides start out by talking about how they don’t want kids there and it should be an adults-only affair then proceed to make exceptions for this person’s kids or that one’s.  I don’t have kids nor do I plan to but I would be PISSED if I arranged for babysitting and then found out some people were allowed to bring their kids with them.  And honestly, I don’t care how close they are to the bride and groom… they’re kids at the kidless wedding.  It’s like being told to come solo and then when you show up everyone has a date.  Not cool.

Post # 14
5289 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

Have you already sent out invites?

You can designate it as an adults-only affair. You might get some pushback from those who see the older kids there, but I guess deal with it when it comes. Or have a “no children under 10” policy or something.

I totally empathize with you not wanting young kids there. We had no children at our wedding either (was very small though and we did not invite anyone WITH children so it worked out that way I guess!) but I know when I go to events like weddings with young children there can be many distractions as you described. I think many parents become a little immune to the noise or the distractions but they ARE there.

Personally, I don’t see why people would not want a night out a lovely intimate ceremony without the young kids, but that is just me.

Post # 15
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If they aren’t on the invitation they aren’t invitied regardless of how formal or casual your wedding is. If people ask just say that given the time of the reception it will be after their bedtimes and besides you want them to be able to enjoy themselves.

Post # 16
4 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

Hey, good for you for knowing what you want. We used “adult reception to follow” on our invitations to get the point across that children are not invited to our wedding. My seven nieces and nephews (fiance is an only child) are invited though, which I thought would cause a problem. The youngest, an infant, is not coming. The rest are ages 8-16. No one has hassled us so far – and we’re a month away from the big day. We’ve found a lot of people are excited for a night out without their kids. Stand firm!

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