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yes "respectfully" :) thank you for poiting that out. This just has me so flustered. The thought of all these 2-5 years running around on my wedding day gives me no pleasure.
I would possibly invite the 2 older children from your side, as I think it might look odd if you don't and there are other older 'children' there; plus, I don't think a 13 year old is really a child and so shouldn't cause you any problems. I just think it's easier to have a 'blanket rule'.
Otherwise, I definitely think you should make your policy clear on your save the dates and invites, so that people know exactly where they stand; not everyone will read the FAQs, and I think you need to make it crystal clear on the invites so that you avoid any awkward moments eg having to call people who've included their kids on their RSVP and say 'sorry, no kids invited'.
I think the wording you've suggested it perfect: it's clear, firm, polite, but not too apologetic.
I was thinking of calling my cousin and telling her that her kids (the 13 year old and 16 year old) could attend. At least its the same family. That way as you said it won't look odd. I probably should do that. I'm not even sure they would fly across the country anyways, but worth letting them know its ok
So is putting "Respectfully, adults only ceremony and reception" on the save the dates and on the response card crystal clear enough?
Yes, I would say it is; if they don't understand what adult's only means they probably need help lol.
Be warned: you may still get phonecalls; you just need to stand your ground. And whatever you do, don't be too apologetic. If anyone does question it, just say 'I'm afraid it's just not possible', and leave it at that; don't offer reasons (like space or budget) as they may try to find ways aorund this (eg. 'we'll pay!') whcih leaves you in an awkward position.
If people do call and ask (which, in my opinion, would be pretty rude), maybe you can mention that the venue is unfenced and near a lake, which makes you concerned about the children's safety. A friend of mine had her reception at a place with tons of priceless antiques (definitely not kid-friendly or safe), and she mentioned that on her website--and no one brought kids.
thank you all for your advice. I feel better about this already.Actually the lake (and an uncovered large pool) are both good reasons I can give to people. Especially at night, where its not lit as much (we will have lighting just not too much), it can be very dangerous. the lake spans the entire length of where our reception will be. at at the other end is a pool. I think once they see teh property they will be happy they did not bring their children.
should I mention this as well in the FAQ section, the lake and pool?
I think the problem with this is that some people will probably try to find a way around it; eg if you say you don't want children there because it's near a lake, they might say 'Oh, don't worry, we'll keep an eye on them, it'll be fine', which then leaves you in the incredibly awkard situation of either implying you don't trust the parents, and are still concerned about the safety of their children, or having to give another excuse. It's honestly best IMPO not to give any excuses at all; I'd say the only feasible excuse is 'we simply do not have the space' (which is the case of us; there is space for 50, we are having 50 guests; there is phyiscally no space for anyone else). Any other excuse, and if someone is rude enough to ask that you invite their children anyway, they will probably be rude enough to challenge your reason/'offer an alternative'.
oh that's a really good point. they will make excuses and say they will watch their kids etc.
I will just tell them we don't have the space. Which honeslty, we don't. The backyard will fit 120 max and right now we're looking at around that w/o the kids I mentioned.
You should invite the teenage children. You can choose set the age at 13 or 14, and then exclude all under that. I don't see how you can politely invite one 13 and 16 year old and not the others age 14-17. It depends on your budget, but it might be nice for you to hire a sitter to stay in the house with the uninvited children and to supply them with games and pizza. That will ease the nerves of parents who would otherwise be leaving their child with a total stranger. You could also allow all the children at the ceremony and only close off the reception if you did that.
With all due respect, I am sure the OP has thought of this, and has reasons for not wanting young children at her wedding, inc her ceremony, that go beyond space and cost.
I also personally don't think coules should have to provide a creche, I really think it's crazy. I'm sure most people coming have someone they know and trust who can look after their children while they are there, and I am sure that if they are unable to attend because they can't find childcare, that the OP will be understanding.
that's good iea. we can hire a sitter or two at the hotel and then telling people that option is there and with pizza and games like you suggested. the problem with the children at the ceremony is I know they will be crying, running around etc, and i'm persian, and we have a spread for our ceremony, and I know those kids will be wanting to touch it and its going to be items that can be easily broken.
but I do like the sitter idea. i'm going to look into that! thank you.
@barbie86: With all due respect, it looks like she hadn't thought of providing the sitter, and I only gave a suggestion about the ceremony. If she's worried they'll fuss, she doesn't have to expend the offer to let them come to the ceremony.
People who live nearby should have no problem getting a sitter, but what about families who are traveling? I knoe if I had an 8 month old, I'd be scared to leave him/her offsite with a sitter I didn't know for 6 or 7 hours.
I'm sure the OP would understand if someone couldn't attend because they couldn't find childcare, but in an ideal situation, one could prevent that from happening, if possible.
@leila0915: Sounds like no kids at the ceremony is a good idea for you then. Breakables + children... not good.
hi guys, sorry if I caused any misunerstanings. I really appreciate all these suggestions.
I actually can't imagine why someone would want to bring an 8 month old to a wedding but I'm prepared to fight that battle with my cousin. And she is one to not leave her child with anyone. I'll let her know that she can leave the child with her mother in law, who is also invited.
Also, I think once people find out about the venue (how its not a hotel with access to their room) they may change their mind about bringing their child. The hotel is 8 miles away.
i was in this same situation and went the sitter route. I really didn't want kids at my wedding and hiring the sitter and having the kids stay at a friends house worked out really well. People even brought their furbabies to be taken care of if they were staying in the hotel, haha.
I'm having an Adult Only wedding as well. I am only allowing my out of town guest the option of bringing their kids and I think thats a total of 3 kids and the reason is because they don't have anyone to leave them with at home.
I love the sitter idea but my family had a very bad experience with a sitter so I wouldn't leave my child with one unless they were able to talk. I have a very deep pool at my venue. They even told me that I had to have a person at the pool from the beginning of the event to the end just in charge of watching the pool. Cocktail hour is around the pool, to go to the restroom you have to go by the pool and having kids there is making me uneasy.
It's your day and you can have it the way you want it just like Burger King, but I do think if you are going to allow teens from his side to attend some should be allowed from your side as well.
Hope everything works out
@leila0915: I am Persian as well and trying to figure out wording for our adult-only ceremony/reception. Same concern re: ceremony spread and our reception (same location) is a museum with historic artifacts which are not sectioned off. We did not put anything on the invitation (fiance would not budge on it though I would have loved a line at the bottom), but I am putting something in the rsvp section of our website. I love the FAQ section that you are using and will do something similar!
For those who have hired a sitter (or are planning on hiring one): How will you handle parents who do not want to leave their child with the sitter you provide? I personally think it's rude to not only ignore the adult only request, but to also insist on bring the child into the ceremony/reception despite the hired sitters. Leila0915, I can especially see this happening with Persian parents - thoughts?
@lillisc: If you have a Day-of Coordinator, you can ask her or him to take care of people who refuse to leave their kids with the sitter; she can politely but firmly state that no children are allowed inside. You can also consider hiring security for the night who can deal with the issue. Parents who really cannot stand it can leave. It would be very sad if they missed your wedding, but they knew going in that they couldn't bring their children.
I think the kids room is your best bet to keep everyone happy. My mothers closest cousin had his wedding on my birthday and it was no kids alone, I still cant stand him to this day. We are open to kids at our wedding and have been to weddings that were similar but with an on site kids room ideally when kids get fussy parents have a place to go and the kids can get distracted and have fun there and allow the parent to return. Our venue even offers a sitting service for this reason. One of our guests is bringing a relative for the sole purpose of taking care of the there 3 children. I think any child you would leave alone at home for a few hours would be the age I would allow to the wedding... there responsible enough to watch themselves around the pool and can sit together. Good luck its a really hard decision that takes lots of time to figure out properly. If you have good grounded reasons then anyone else should understand them, if you have to lie and hide your reasons maybe there not reasonable.
Had exactly the same dilemma at my sister's wedding.
She wanted no children but the ones in the wedding. ITS YOUR CHOICE
We just addressed the inviations correctly Mr and Mrs John Smith, Not John Smith and Family. Most of my friends have kids, just to be safe (there was a posting about this 4 years ago) One suggestion was to organise a cresh at the hotel (you could suggest this at a hotel or house of a friend). I enclosed notes for those with kids that the hotel offered babysitting services
HER friends with kids all behaved and brought in-laws or other friend's or hired sitters from the hotel. I asked all of my close friends with kids and they said they thought it was completely appropriate to have an adult reception, which mind you, included only those kids in the wedding.
HIS friends (2 of them) called and wailed that they didnt go anywhere without their kids...mind you both were wealthy beyond belief! So rude. Because her husband was a weenie and she didnt want to rock the boat she gave in, and had to pay for a whole CHILDREN'S ROOM with food and movies and games and pizza and popcorn that eventually the wedding party kids went into and later some of the parents..exactly what she didnt want and she got hit for nearly another thousand bucks. You wont have this problem as its at a house.
Others are rude to reply or have a problem to a properly addressed invitation. Stand your ground. Stand on ceremony. Its the right thing to do.
I mentioned this in another thread....
you can hire a babysitter to be with the little ones...maybe in some part of the house that is more secure and away from the wedding itself or off site all together
there are a couple of ways I know to find caregivers....
1 CARE.COM
it is a website that I work with that matches qualified caregivers with individuals looking for care...caregiers are vetted and highly encouraged to have a background check on file.
2. Corperate Kids Events (CoferenceChildCare.com)
they provide child care services for events like conferences, in room child care and weddings :)
I have worked for them in teh past here in Colorado and they are a wonderful company that is headquartered in Southern California.
(hope my shameless plugs of both these comanies doesnt get me in too much trouble) :)
Let me know if you need any help with getting in touch with either of these companies.
TTFN :)
Kelly D <>< :)
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We are getting married in california, where most of my friends and family live do not live. My fiance's entire family lives in the city we are getting married in. the only children we want at the wedding are my sister's children and his sister's childre who are the flower girls and ring bearers. Our wedding is at a private residence belonging to his uncle which has an enormous backyard with a private lake (no fence around it), which is where our entire wedding will be.
His family has 5 other children (14-17 yrs old) who he wants to attend. I realy don't care if they do. They will be hanging out inside the house hte entire time anyways (they go there regularly for other events).
The problem is my friends and family. Most of them have children under the age of 5, with a 2 children around 13-16, total of 30 children! I don't want any of them there. I'm just afraid if they come in from out of town they will bring them. My cousin emailed me yesterday saying her and her husband and her 8 month old (by our wedding date) can't wait for my wedding!
We are considerg putting "Respectively, adult ceremony and reception" on the save the date and the response card. The save the dates are going out this week. And also on the response card putting:
"_ seats have been reserved in your honor" and filling in the blank and then
"Number of guests attending __"
"M_________________________"
on our website under FAQ we have
Are children invited?
We appreciate everyone wanting to share in our special day, but due to limited space and seating limitations, we will be having an “adults only” ceremony and reception. The only children that will be included are those who are part of our wedding party. If anyone needs assistance in making arrangements for child care, please let us know and we will do our best to assist you. We thank you in advance for your understanding
But is it going to be very rude when people show up and see the 5 kids that are 14-17 year olds from my fiance's family? We plan on putting them all at once table so far from everything I doubt they will even join the wedding? Should I instead say something about children under 16 not invited?
PLEASE HELP!!
thank you