No Children Wedding, Rude?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2058 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t know the entire etiquette rule re: no children at weddings….I think you’ll be ok if you address the invitations to Mr/Mrs vs. Mr/Mrs and Family…You can also note on the card w/ the reception details ‘Adult Reception to Follow.’  If you receive a RSVP card that indicates they included their kids I suggest phoning them straight away and politely share with them your situation. 

Friendly heads up – – You may have guests who cannot attend due to babysitting availability or who may be upset because you didn’t invite their children.

Post # 4
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t think you can put “No children” on the invitations. Put you can write on your RSVP card : Mr and Mrs Bla Bla accepts or decline.  And have key people passing the message. Also, I think it’s ok to have a flower girl, especially if she’s in your family.

Post # 5
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

yeah we are making the invites out to just “mr and mrs” instead of “the smith family”.  we will also have the memo go out by word of mouth that we will not have children at our wedding. maybe you can do those things.

Post # 6
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

put “adult only reception” or “adult reception” in the invite, and address it only to Mr. and Mrs, not to “such and such family”

also for the response cards, specify how many seats are reserved: 2 seats have been reserved in your honour….

word of mouth works too – and yes you can do just kids in the bridal party allowed! just make a rule and be consistent with it.

i am having no kids whatsoever in my wedding or at my wedding. I got flack, but frankly they arent paying for it! ::)

Post # 7
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

we are also having an adult wedding and reception.  I think its ok to have the flower girl in the wedding if she is going to be allowed at the reception.  Its unfair to the parents (who Im assuming are attending the ceremony and reception) to have to make arrangements for their child thats in a wedding but not allowed at the reception.  I actually know someone who did this.

You should also consider how much (or little) fun your flower girl will have being the only child.  She may be really bored and begin to do the things that you would like to avoid if she doesnt have an outlet.

On our response cards we have added a line under where the names are written in that say 

“number of adults attending”

We also make it pretty clear on our wedding website that it is adult only AND are spreading the word via word of mouth.  You could also (this was already suggested) indicate that an adult reception will follow on your invite.

 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m doing Adult Only too, and slightly altering it to say “Adult and Teenage Only Ceremony and Reception” because I have teenage cousins.  We have WAY to many friends and family with super young kids, if they all brought them we;d have a preschool on our hands!  plus, and this is a personal thing, but i find it SO RUDE when people just sit there during a ceremony with their kid wailing away like they don’t even hear it.  Especially if they are sitting there with their uninvited baby and they just let their kid cry and ruin the ceremony.  I have seen this happen on more than one occasion!  in order to avoid it happening at mine I have not only stated the Adult Only rule on my website and response cards, but I’ve been contacting everyone we know with kids and saying something personally to them to be sure they are aware.  This is one of those things people think they can ignore because they think nothing will be said. it’s so rude. we’re also not having kids in the wedding party to be fair, tho i would love to have a flower girl and ring bearer.  i love kids, don’t get me wrong, but we’re looking at our wedding as an adult affair.  luckily everyone has been saying they don’t plan to bring the kids anyway, so yay!  

Post # 9
Hostess
16217 posts
Honey Beekeeper

It won’t look rude to have a flower girl. She’s part of the wedding party. We’re in a similar situation…we aren’t having young children attend but we will have a ring bearer. I’ve come to accept that our “no young children” rule will make some family members mad, but I hope that they love us enough to respect our request.

Post # 11
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m having an adults only reception but having a flower girl.  I feel like the flower girl doesn’t “count” as a kid at the wedding, because she’s part of the wedding party.

Post # 12
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

On our invites we wrote Adult Reception and people understood that meant no children invited.

Post # 13
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

The flower girl is part of the wedding party.  I think guests will understand why she is invited if other children are not invited.  I wouldn’t worry about it too much.  I really doubt your guests will say anything with the flower girl in attendance.

Post # 14
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

You’re having a semi-destination wedding, right? Will a lot of your family be coming from the mainland?

You have a lot of time to plan, so I would recommend not worrying about the invites right now. Instead, check out the many threads of Bees who’ve also had children free receptions. It has gone swimmingly for some, not so for others. Way before you worry about invitation wording, you need to lay the groundwork with your family. I think you will find that for people travelling from the mainland, not bringing their child will be extremely prohibitive.

So, before you think about the invite, think about:

– age cut-off that makes sense (16? 13? 18?)

– whether you will make any exceptions, and how that will be received

– are there childcare options at the hotel for people who bring kids to PR?

– if not, can you offer childcare?

– if so, would you allow for kids at the ceremony, then send them off for the night-time play date?

– how will your families react to this decision?

– Are you set on this hotel? Are you positive they can’t cut some prices, like the bar tab, for kids?

Really, you can worry about invitation wording, like, 5 months before the wedding. Lay the groundwork first.

Post # 15
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I personally think “Adults Only Reception” sounds bossy to write on an invitation, even if you for sure aren’t allowing children. And sometimes it works, but I think in a lot of cases people ignore it or don’t look closely enough or just think it doesn’t apply to them. So you end up having to tell everyone with kids their children are not invited anyway.

We are having 2 ring bearers and a flower girl but not allowing kids into our reception. It’s not even about the $ for us, I just don’t want them there. Call me selfish, but I want the attention to be on me and my husband, not little Johnny.

Post # 16
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I went ahead and addressed them as follows….

We have reserved ___ seats in your honor.. 

Joyfully Accepts…..  Regretfully delines……

We didn’t even put that is was an adult only reception. Plus this let our guest know how many ppl they could bring since it is a plated dinner. Just to be on the safe side we will call them before hand and let them know.

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