Post # 1
I think it is so COMPLETELY rude for people to make comments about not having our ceremony in a church. I’ve had a patient of mine comment at work, my FI’s boss, my aunt’s jewish husband, even a couple of our friends (who don’t really attend church either by the way! “If it’s not in a church then WHERE will it be!?” Come on! I’ve been to a million weddings not in churches!!)
Here is our story…I grew up catholic, going to church, even went to catholic school! As I got older I kind of got away from church and religion, I still have my own relgious beliefs but do not currenly attend church on a regular basis. FI’s dad came from a VERY catholic family and his mom came from a VERY lutheran family. When they married they decided not to have their children be one religon or the other so Fiance really doesn’t have a religion. I would not mind getting married in the catholic church but Fiance is not baptized and I know church makes him a little uncomfortable and it’s not something I wanted enough to push for. Our wedding is borderline non traditional anyway.
I just think religion is such a touchy subject that I am surprised people keep making comments…you don’t know our religions, beliefs, etc! I just think it is SO rude. There are plenty of weddings not in churches or houses of worship. I just kind of think its no one’s business!
Post # 3
That’s terrible. I was raised Catholic as well. Fiance and I are getting married at our hall – we haven’t had anyone bring up the chuch issue.
Post # 4
we aren’t getting married in a church but weren’t brought up very religious. the only comment so far is my dad saying “thank you” when i told him we would NOT be in a church.
sorry you are getting all those negative comments! some people need to learn when to keep their mouth shut..
Post # 5
I know the comments are annoying, but people love to have an opinion on everything. In my area it’s totally normal to have a wedding ceremony other places than a church, but 20 or 30 years ago this was not normal. It wasn’t even something that was considered. Just keep planning and let their comments go in one ear and out the other 🙂
Post # 6
I’ve been to several weddings that were not in a church. Ignore their comments. The wedding is about you two. Do what makes y’all happy and don’t worry about anything else.
Post # 7
I’m getting married by the sea outdoors even though I am a dedicated church goer. Nothing wrong with that 🙂 Besides I feel closer to God when I am in view of his creation and not in a man-made building.
Post # 8
My mom was so worried this would happen to us – I think she was almost hoping it would because she wanted us to have it in a church! But no one said anything, that’s so rude that people comment on it or ask you about it! Even my super-religious grandparents were respectful enough to let us have the wedding we wanted and didn;t comment on the lack of religion. Guess I’m lucky.
Post # 9
I think a lot of people just expect it to be in a house of worship, and are fairly surprised (although not necessarily against it) when they hear otherwise. In my own family, people were surprised to hear that I wanted my wedding to be outside in a garden–they kind of just expected it would be at a synagogue, which is hilarious because in Jewish tradition you are SUPPOSED to get married outside (preferably under the stars). In my parents/grandparents generation though, they just sort of picked up on having it inside of a place of worship because that is how everyone around them was doing that, and it became commonplace. I think as long as they aren’t trying to convince you to have it in a church or aren’t insulting your choices, you’ll just have to let them expect it/be surprised. My guess is that when our children are getting married they will do plenty of things that surprise us and we show that surprise from time to time, regardless of how accepting and open-minded we are 🙂
Post # 10
@UmakeURownLUCK: GOD is everywhere…so that means his presence will be with you at a church, the beach or a beautiful hotel.
Post # 11
Oh I hear ya! Just another thing for my mom to think about when she considers how “real” weddings are done….
I’m sure everyone will enjoy my sub-par, fake ceremony in the banquet hall when the time comes, though. 🙂
Post # 12
I don’t think you have to be offended by “if it’s not in a church then where will it be?” Just assume the best of the person asking the question! Maybe they have never been in a wedding outside a church. You could just try smiling and assuming it’s an honest question and just tell them where it will be…
Post # 13
Totally agree with soladylike
The church I grew up in is an hour from the airport. For the convenience of Out of Town guests (including my fiance’s entire family), our wedding and reception are held in one venue 15 minutes from the airport. Something had to give and I was willing to have people from my family travel one hour since we were coming 1200 miles. I love church and all that it represents, but it just wasn’t going to work in my case. My mom was fairly shocked as well, but once I told her the logistics she SAW THE LIGHT!!!
Post # 14
A friend of my FH’s family has asked three times “so where will this wedding be again?” I keep telling him about the venue (the beautiful country garden of a friend) and he keeps asking. I finally realized he’s either not listening to the answer, or he’s taking a roundabaout way to ask for information he’s not getting.
People are confused by what they are not used to – if the venue is not familiar to them they might have questions about dress code, proper seating ettiquette, etc. For your friends and family members, just let them know where it will be and allow them to share in your excitement over the venue. You chose it for a reason, so I’m sure there is a reason it excites you.
If they are not a guest, like your patient, well smile and politely change the subject. Your relationship with God is after all your own business.
If it’s someone close to you and it bothers you, you can ask them why it matters to them what venue your wedding will take place in.
Post # 15
You have EVERY right to choose not to have your wedding in a church! Its your wedding!!!! Be happy with the venue you are selecting!