(Closed) No communication or commitment with boyfriend of 4.5years

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1483 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Just the fact that he lives at home with his parents at 32 is a GIANT red flag. Unless there are some special circumstances – i.e. Parents are sick, etc.

He doesn’t seem to be interested in a future with you, tbh. He even said he’s not interested in a house for you two. I would try to think about if this is really the man for you, and if you’re willing to stay if he’s never ready to move forward.

Post # 5
Member
12259 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m so sorry… But if he’s in his 30s and still lives at home, he doesn’t ever intend to change that. He gets you on the weekend, and his family during the week. He’s got (in his mind) a sweet gig going on. I don’t think he’ll ever change it.

Post # 8
Member
1483 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Why hasn’t he had any serious relationships prior to yours? You said he’s 32 and that you’ve been together for 4.5 years, so that would make him roughly 28 years old without a serious relationship. Again, to me that is a red flag.

Does he have any desire to move out? What are his own personal goals? Does he have a good job? Does your success/drive intimidate him? 

I understand that you love him very much, but sometimes you have to take a step back and tell yourself that you deserve better. If he’s not willing to work towards your future together, I see your relationship either being dominated/pushed by you (meaning only you working towards a future with him, with him just letting it happen or fighting you the whole way) or you getting fed up after an additional amount of time and regretting staying with him for as long as you had.

Post # 9
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee

Holy cow, he’s 32 and has never moved out of his parents house?!

Run away, sweetie. This guy has some SERIOUS Failure To Launch syndrome.

Post # 10
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

OP: i can honestly relate i was with my ex for 7 yrs yes 7 yrs he lived with his mom there was nothing wrong with his mother or anything hes just a mommas boy and hes 34yrs old …after we broke up 4 yrs later  i moved on happily with someone who wanted the same things I did …and hes still the same living with his mom..If hes not ready to open up to communication with you and move forward…i dont think hes ready to take the next step..

Post # 11
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

It kind of sounds like he doesn’t want to make any decisions… ever… At this age, even the worst communicators should be able to sit down and talk about their future. You shouldn’t have to do all the work, that’s just not fair to you. Are you willing to leave him if he does not want to move forward with you? Could you have one last conversation with him and let him know if he does not want to move forward you will move forward without him? You sound like you’ve got a lot going for you and could do anything you wanted to. Being in a relationship is about being in a partnership and you have to trust each other completely. If he won’t open up to you about serious matters or private matters that is concerning. And to second FutureMrsJohnson he doesn’t sound like he’s interested in a future with you, or any future really.  

Post # 13
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee

@issywissy:  Sweetie, the living at home thing is directly tied to his lack of ability to make those kind of decisions. It’s not one or the other; they’re the same issue.

Moving out is a huge decision and a big responsibility. Usually one of the first that you make as a young adult. He’s 32 and hasn’t taken the leap yet. It’s probably not going to happen any time soon.

Post # 15
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

+1 with the fact that it’s odd he didn’t want to move out.

I’ve been living on my own since I was 22.  If I lost my job, I would be OK with food/rent/expenses for another 6 months to get my feet back under me.

Unless he has a sick parent he’s taking care of, he should be dying to leave.  Instead, with his mother taking care of him, he probably lacks those basic living skills you learn in your 20s.

Post # 16
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

The fact he is living with his parents seems like a red flag to me but I don’t see it as a reason to cut him off.

The part that concerns me more is the fact that you are satisified after 5 years of dating you are going to go on holiday together? My Fiance and I were dating for 6 months when we booked our first vacation. After 5 years a vacation shouldn’t be a huge deal, it should be something you do commonly.

 

The topic ‘No communication or commitment with boyfriend of 4.5years’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors