Post # 1
Just to give a little background, I come from a very conservative family…. I’ve been out since being with my FI (8 years)….but it has never been accepted. My sister is cordial with my FI, so I thought that atleast she would have said congratulations when I shared my engagement, but when I told her, she didn’t respond…. then today, I sent her a pic of myself in my wedding dress and she ignored it…. it’s very hurtful. I shared in her joy when she got married, and even had her baby recently and it’s almost like she expects it from me…. but then I get nothing in return…. my FI said that my sister asked her why we would get married instead of just “keeping things the way that they are”. I’m just very hurt because I have no support from family… I have gone to all dress fittings alone, etc. I’m just feeling sad.. perhaps I’m being sensitive.
Post # 2
CONGRATULATIONS!! How exciting for you both!
I’m sorry your family isn’t supportive. I hope they come around and at least are happy to celebrate with you. It is definitely their own issues holding them back, you are not being over sensitive at all. I hope they can at least begin to see that you are happy.
Post # 3
- Wedding: A very pretty church.
Well, you are being sensitive, in that you are sensing that they are ignoring your news, rather than celebrating it. People use that word like it’s bad, but it isn’t. The alternative in this situation would be oblivious. You can’t make yourself not notice and not feel sad about it.
It certainly isn’t oversensitive to feel this as a blow, especially from your sister, but you’re unlikely to be able to change how they feel about the two of you or queer people in general, so don’t put that on yourself. That isn’t your job. Maybe reach out to your sister some more, but only if you are prepared for her not to reach back. You could ask her how she would feel if you had ignored her wedding, maybe that would give her something to think about. She might come around and be able to understand eventually, some people are capable of change, but usually not on a short timeframe. Religion can also present a huge barrier, it can be like a lock on the door of the mind, stopping new ideas getting in.
I wish you the very best of luck with this, please remember that this is about you creating a new little family, one that is loving and accepting, one that exists to embrace the life you and your partner have created together. In the end, it’s the two of you that matter, don’t let the closed minds and hearts of others spoil your joy in finding and loving each other.
Post # 4
CONGRATS!!!! If it’s any consolation, this internet stranger is very excited and happy for the two of you and wishes you a lifetime filled with love!
Post # 5
I’m sorry they are treating you like this. But, congrats! I’m happy for you too!
Post # 6
Congratulations!! I’m sure your dress looked beautiful.
Sounds like you need to surround yourself with people who love and accept you. Unfortunately, we can’t pick our families, and sometimes they suck. I would leave them alone tbh, if they want to be part of your lives the effort needs to come from them. Don’t let their lack of approval or negativity drown out what is an important and significant moment in your life, one which deserves recognition. They are completely aware of what they are doing and don’t even deserve acknowledgement of their shitty behavior.
Post # 7
Post # 8
I don’t know if it’ll help much, but for the record, it looks like everyone here on the bee is very happy for you. Congratulations 🙂
Post # 9
I am sorry that your family can’t accept who you are. But remember that family can sometimes be non blood. To me family are the people who love and accept you for who you are.
Do you have friends that you can share the experience with? In particular any friends that might be or will go through the same thng with their family?
What about your partners family? Are they supportive? If they are why not take your FMIL along with you or any FSIL’s?
Whilst I know it is not the same as having the support of your family there are a lot of wonderful people here who will support you and those that don;t are usually respectful enough to not comment
So this dress- got any pictures?
Post # 10
Thank you so much for the kind words ladies! It’s tough on me because I really wish that atleast my sister would have said something. She has asked questions, but most of her energy is negative. Like when I told her that my FI and I went to look at venues she was like “oh, so y’all are really going to do this huh?”.my wedding hasn’t happened yet, but I said yes to the dress yesterday and was l felt excited about that moment and tried to share it with her
@j_jaye here are pics of me in the dress I chose (they uploaded sideways, sorry). I love thisdress and want to wear it now 🙂 . I also don’t really have a lot of friends who are supportive, I grew up in a right knit circle of people…. (My parents are like family with my friends parents, etc) so they all have the same mindframe. I had to create an Instagram and YouTube account documenting our journey, specially so I can capture the great moments and remember them and so far it has been nice. It sucks to get more support from strangers than family, but that’s just the way that it is sometimes I guess.
My partners Mom has been nice about it, but her Mom isn’t sharing the great news with anyone else in their family like she did when FI’s sister got married (she’s straight), it’s almost like she’s embarrassed for the rest of their family to know…. FI would likely be in the same situation as me. FI hasn’t even told one of her sisters because she thinks the reaction will be negative and she wants to avoid that.
Post # 11
- Wedding: A very pretty church.
Post # 12
First off, congratulations! Also – you look absolutely stunning. Your figure looks amazing in that dress. Wow!
Second, I’m so sorry you’re not being met with more celebration. It’s really not fair that you and your FI are not as accepted as others in the family. I don’t have any advice as to how to handle them. But keep your head up, know that so many people support you, and surround yourselves with the friends who love you and support your relationship. Don’t let negativity get you down and keep you from celebrating this happy time.
Post # 13
FastServiceNeeded: congratulations to you and your soon to be wife! I am so sorry your family is not supportive and happy for you. I can only imagine how hurtful that is, and they are completely in the wrong. Can any of your friends come to appointments with you? Please try to enjoy this special time – you’ve found the love of your life, you’re going to be a bride, and regardless of your family, you two are going to be happy together.
Post # 14
FastServiceNeeded: ps you look lovely in your dress, your fiancee will love it!
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
First of all, let me give you a huge CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!! in place of your family. It’s not the same, I know, but but sending all the virtual hugs.
I am so, so sorry your family is being so awful about all of this. Some families are so set in their ways that it takes time for them to come around. Others … maybe never. All you can do is continue living your authentic self and let them realize that they are the ones who need to change, not you. You look like an angel in your dress, btw; just stunning.