Post # 1
I’m about to ask a couple of my BMs to give a speech at our wedding. At previous weddings I’ve seen each of them mention the bride’s dating history in their speeches. They’ve said things such as “out the many guys that she dated….” or “one day we were talking about the guys she’s dated….” I know their intentions are good and they never intened to embarrass anyone but at the same time, I just feel like this talk is awkward and weird in a wedding speech. Bachelorette chatter, sure. Wedding speech, I’d rather not.
Would it be rude of me to request that exs and dating history not be talked about/ alluded to in the speech? What’s a nice way to request that without sounding negative?
Post # 3
I don’t think it’d be rude at all! I was JUST thinking about this this morning. I’m just going to nicely ask my sister. The day is about my FI and I….not the past.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t think people would do this, but obviously your friends do. I would be very direct and clear with them – please don’t mention any of my former relationships or dating history in your speech. I would like to focus on our relationship at the wedding. Thanks.
Post # 5
I asked for it not to be mentioned. It’s not rude. It’s just a little bit of helpful guidance.
Post # 6
I don’t think it’s weird to ask them not to say anything. It is an awkward thing to directly reference in a speech. If you want to say it to them without being negative, make a joke of it. Something like “Haha, you guys better not mention _____ in your speech! I would freak out!”
Post # 7
I have also attended weddings and heard some really awkward speeches and toasts… sometimes I wonder if people actually think it through before they decide what to say
Post # 8
I think it adds character! I know without doubt I’m the best he’s ever had. Go ahead make a comparison!
As for your problem. You can ask your girls who are speaking on your behalf I do not however think it’s okay to walk over the the BM (or GM) and make such a request. Perhaps your fiance would be on the same page to make the request to his men.
Post # 9
Thanks for all of your thoughts and advice! Now I feel much better about requesting that my BMs omit the dating history talk.
@bells: I think some people really don’t think about what they are going to say before they say it. These specific girls are generally very socially gracious so I was suprised to hear those kinds of speeches come from them. hah
@vmec: I definitely won’t say anything to the groomsmen. I won’t even mandate that my fiance tell them. I know he’s on the same page so I’ll leave it up to him whether he feels comfortable making that request of them or not. At least my side will be covered. haha
@GeekChic: great idea to make a joke out of it. I think I’ll do that. 🙂
Post # 10
@Sking: I didn’t think people did this either and the last people I expected were these particular friends. haha oh well. At least I know that if I ask them to leave it out they will.
Post # 11
Personally I do not mind such things, I find them funny. However no one is to mention my ex husband, first marriage or allude to any of that….I have no plans of minding my manners when I tell ppl that.
A roast talking about haha she must have dated x amount of guys….fine, no problem
If anyone mentions my ex husband or 1st wedding I will never speak to them again and everyone will be informed of that.
Forget etiquette if you find that embarassing then just tell them “no speeches that include talk (direct or alluding to) my past relationships, bf’s etc”
How close is your wedding….the only way I could see anyone being upset is if you waited until a month before then told them, some ppl have a hard time writing speeches but if told early in the game then no one should take issue with your request.
Post # 12
ive never been to a wedding where this was done either. the only one coming close was my uncle’s when his best man was giving a toast and he said “here’s to the women you left behind, and here’s to the reason you left them.” which i kinda liked.
Post # 13
Well you shouldn’t have to tell them not to mention that. They should know. But if you think that it might come up then its not rude to be very clear and frank about the fact that you don’t want those things talked about at your wedding.