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No engagement party?

posted 2 years ago in Parties
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    Blushing bee
    NewNoble    May 30, 2010   Dallas

    okay... I don't want to sound aLL bridezilla, but I am a little bummed that no one has thrown  my FH and I an engagement party. We have known each other for 11 years and have dated for 6, and we have been engaged for 5 motnsh now. I thought that after he proposed SOMEONE would offer. I just think it would be nice to have our families and really close friends come together to celebrate our engagement formally. My family is in no position to throw one (my mother is ill and father is a drunk). So what do I do? 

     
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    Ms Mini    July 17, 2010   Medicine Hat, AB

    I am not having an engagement party ... I am not going to miss it, but I guess if you feel you NEED to have one you could throw one for yourself. I don't think they are necessary (and here in Canada I don't think I know ANYONE who does have them).

     
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    mdarrah    4/4/09   Los Angeles, CA

    You live with it. Would it have been nice? Yes. But no one is obligated and you REALLY shouldnt ask anyone to.

     
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    Future Mrs. Martin    August 21, 2010   London Ontario Canada

    Throw one yourself!

    Have a come celebrate with us party!

    @ Ms Mini - Hello fellow Canadian!!!!!!!Wink

     
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    Helper bee
    Miss Cherry Limeade    10/9/10  

    Maybe you could talk to some of your BM about throwing one and see if they'd be willing to help you out.  I basically told my matron of honor, who happens to be my sister, what I was looking for and she went out and did all the coordinating.

     
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    krissycake    November 21, 2009   orlando,fl

    I agree with Future Mrs. Martin - throw one yourself! 

    Side note...we thought we wouldn't have one thrown for us, (it didn't even occur to us as something that was done, actually) but when we went to visit his family in Iowa (we live in FL) we had two thrown for us in the same weekend!

     
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    Helper bee
    carri38707    May 14, 2010   Chicago; Wedding @ Punta Cana

    I'm with Future Mrs. Martin, throw one yourself!

    We didn't have an engagement party either.  My FI invited some of his closest friends and their significan others to celebratory dinner the day after (planned ahead since they all knew he was going to propose); but that was it. 

    and hello to all Canadians!  I am one too!

     
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    Miss_Riley    May 22, 2010   Wedding VA / Live in KS

    We are also not having an engagement party... but my finance is deployed to Iraq so it would pointless to throw one for just me! :)

    I think most the time engagement parties are held to introduce everyone to each other especially the bridal party and family but since you have been dating so long I would assume most people already know one another. But you can definitely host your own party to "celebrate your engagement". To save on money make it BYOB/W (bring your own beer/wine) and serve appetizer-type food? I wouldn't expect any gifts from this party (except maybe hotess gifts) but it would be a great way to get everyone together.

     
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    artbee    February 28, 2010  

    I've never been to an engagement party. I don't think they're very common around here. The knot says that it's the bride's parents are supposed to throw the party, or offer to throw one first, which could be why the in laws didn't offer.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    bluespurrs    August 7, 2009   South-central PA, USA, Earth

    I never even heard of engagement parties until I hit the wedding boards. No one I know has ever had one!

     
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    flamingred    June 19, 2010  

    I've never been invited to an engagement party either. I dont even know anyone who has had one. I think it depends on how long you've been together. If it's been 8 years like me and FI..you get one because everyone knows you will stop complaining. lol. just kidding. I don't know-doesn't seem like that big of a deal. throw yourself one.

     
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    Blushing bee
    NewNoble    May 30, 2010   Dallas

    I have not said anything to anyone about it. I am thinking about throwing one myself.. I dont know

     
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    ONash      

    I've only ever heard of engagement parties on the internet. Unless all of your friends and family have them, I wouldn't feel too slighted.

     
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    Sulli301    June 26, 2010   Michigan

    I'm not having one! With both of us working and all of our friends and family being busy as well, I am just happy that we will have wedding showers :)

     
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    Blushing bee
    mayeast06    5/1/10   NYC

    throw your own!

    im asking my aunt if we can use her townhouse since we are tiny-apartment dwellers, but that's it. i too hoped someone would offer, but they didn't and im a "take things into my own hands" kind of girl, so that's where we are.

    we're keeping it simple but im doing it myself, and that's O.K.

     
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    Sugar bee
    ddubzz    June 5, 2010   Los Angeles, CA

    We haven't had one either... and to tell you the truth, I'm totally ok with it!  FI and I have very busy schedules and it would just not be practical or easy to put one together.  Also, we have family members all throughout CA and even overseas, so I don't see the point.  FI's aunt was so cute to suggest throwing one for us, but we respectfully declined... I just don't have time to help her plan it, haha!  I have enough trouble finding time to plan the actual wedding!  :P

     
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    Gemstone    July 2011   Cincinnati

    I feel the same as you...we've been engaged for four months and no one has mentioned it. It's perfectly okay to throw one yourself. We're having a long engagement, so we may throw a "one-year-countdown" party of sorts. What really matters is what is going to make you happy -- and remember, it ultimately is about the love you and your FH share!

     
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    eloping    May 23, 2010  

    when we got engaged i never thought of a e-party... i havent been to one of these in years, do people still have them?

    if you want a party throw one yourself and enjoy

     
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    joyce    June 6, 2009  

    It depends on your crowd. To my surprise, a lot of people have never heard of engagement parties so they wouldn't know to throw one anyways. We had one, but only because I suggested it in lieu of the bachelorette/bridal shower the girls planned on giving me. If you really want it, then throw one for yourself!

    :)

     
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    Sugar bee
    slicey19      

    I agree with the others who said throw your own if you really want an engagement party. It is a parts, of course it is nice when someone else does the work but, there is no obligation for anyone to throw you a party so it looks like you either have to not have one or throw your own. I've only ever been to oneengagement parts. Alternatively, a friend of mine had a bridal party party where they invited all the bridesmaids and groosmen and their SOs for an evening to get to know each other. It was smaller than an engagement party and pretty casual but really fun because most people didn't know each other and it made us more comfortable with each other at the actual wedding.

     
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    Blushing bee
    NewNoble    May 30, 2010   Dallas

    I like the idea of just having a small get together with the BM and GMs. Most everyone knows each other, but one is out of town and I think would feel more included if we had a dinner or something. Thanks for all of the advice!

     
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    RoddyBride09    September 5, 2009   Bethlehem, PA

    We did not have one and we didn't miss it at all. One less thing to plan. If you truly want one then host one yourself. My friend did that and it was a great time with great food.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    IA_Snowflake    August 29, 2009   Missouri Valley, IA

    We didn't have one and nobody offered either.  We had a bbq at our house to intorduce our parents to eachother, but that was it.  If you really want one, throw one yourself.

     
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    PomPom    June 19, 2010   Chicago

    Is it possible to gently mention it to you MOH? Be honest, tell her that you would like for everyone in the bridal party to get together and you are bummed that your family is not in a position to throw you an engagement party, which would have been the perfect opportunity for said gathering. It is understandable that you are disappointed that your family situation isn't different. I totally understand that you want one, but it is normally the parents of the bride, and sometimes the groom, who do it. Especially since friends often aren't in the financial position to throw one, or may not have enough experience to know they should offer to throw one. Congrats on your engagement and good luck with your wedding planning!

     
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    Busy bee
    catlady    June 26, 2010   Toronto

    I have never been to an engagement party so I wasn't expecting one to be thrown for us.  I agree with the two sentiments being posted here: either throw one for yourself or ask someone who'll likely be your MOH.  It doesn't have to be huge, as someone has said, there's nothing wrong with going out and having a dinner.

    On a sidenote: Hello to all the Canadians out there!

     
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    Blushing bee
    NewNoble    May 30, 2010   Dallas

    Thanks for all of the advice ladies, I just decided to for go it! I am going to plan an event with my BMs though because a couple have never met. Maybe a night out and a sleepover at a hotel or something. (of course Ill take care of the cost)

     
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    sminerva21    September 26, 2009   Chicago, IL/wedding in Upstate, NY

    I know you've decided to go ahead and throw a party (good for you!) but I wanted to make a suggestion. A really good way to word the invite (via paper, e-mail or word of mouth) is a celebration of the two families coming together. Before my FI's mom decided to throw us an engagement party, my FI and we going to host a party for the two families to get to know each other better, and it was very well received. I think that's a really good angle, and of course, your wedding party should be invited as well, as you already stated :)

     
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    Miss Hot Sauce    3/13/2010   Cypress, TX

    Good for you!! I totally agree with just going for it and throwing one yourself. We didn't have one bc of financial obligations but I would have just done it myself also. ;)

     
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    Mrs. DG    July 18, 2009   Seattle/Tahoe

    We didn't have one...  I felt so partied out by the time the wedding rolled around anyway, so I was glad we didn't add another to the mix!

     
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    Buzzing bee
    vintage2010    April 10, 2010  

    I was going to throw one for us at my house.  Simply because we had so much beer and wine left over from my brother's wedding.  My FI and I bought about half of it and so we took what was left over and split it with my parents.

    When my friends found out that I was throwing my own party they stepped in and took over.  I still contributed the drinks because I had so much and didn't want it to get wasted.

     
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    Ember78    December 15, 2012  

    Are you allowed to throw one for yourself? I've never read any etiquette involving them and to be honest, other than hearing about them on crime dramas that take place in NYC, I have never heard of them nor have I ever attended one. Our families and friends don't know what they are either.

     
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    Br1tSh1n1ngStar    10/17/09   New Jersey

    My mom threw a small one, it was just my immediate family and my FI immediate family, we had such a nice time, it was really fun, it wasn't a surprise or anything, just a hey now we're gonna be related get together.

     
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    budgetbeautiful    9/26/09   Fredericksburg, VA

    Engagement parties just aren't that common in our group of family and friends, so I wasn't expecting one to be thrown for us.

     
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    KellyV    September 12, 2009   New York, NY

    We didnt have one...but I didnt want one.  My mom offered, but we werent into the whole idea of "YAY lets celebrate!" when we have the showers, bachelor(ette) parties, RD, wedding, etc to take care of that

    Throw yourself one, it will be jsut as fun =o)

     
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    Jessie516    May 16, 2009   Ann Arbor, MI

    Engagement parties aren't that common in my family/circle of friends, so I wasn't expecting one.  We actually invited our friends out for Happy Hour after we got back into town, so that was a nice time to catch up with everyone and tell our engagement story.

    If you want a party--why not throw one yourself!

     
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    maryjane    September 9, 2009   Grand Forks, ND

    We didn't have one. I bet if i mentioned it to any friends/family, they'd be like 'whats that?'

    I was always under the impression that engagement parties were only thrown by super-rich people who live in mansions in the south. I have no clue where I got that impression, but for some reason, that's the impression I had!! (Not to say anything bad about anyone who has an e- party... just sayin' my own impression.)

     

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