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Well... do you have to have a ring to be "engaged" DH and I got engaged 3 mths before getting my ring.
Just saying... we were able to start planning w/o the "sparkly thingy"
He has the sparkle in the cupboard!! I don't mind. It's a very us way to do things. It just feels a bit funny - in both senses of the word!
In some ways that's great because after the ring, EVERYONE asks 'so, have you set a date?'. People will literally be asking the day after you get engaged. You will have something to say. :)
I just had to laugh when I saw your title...FI and I did the exact same thing! But we had been ring shopping, and talking about styles and everything, and wanted to get married before the winter (this was in March,) which is a relatively short engagement, so we we almost booked our reception hall even before we were formally engaged! (we ended up getting officially engaged just before we put the first money down--I'll always wonder if the lady who is in charge of the hall noticed that when I first met with her I didn't have a ring, but when I dropped off the deposit, I did!)
As far as advice? Just let him take the lead. Dont stress about it. And are you talking Oct. 8 this year? Wow! that is pretty soon! But that'd be awesome! (I'm sure if he was willing to have such a serious conversation with you, that he is well on his way to buying a ring!)
If you need the ring to be engaged then let him know how much planning goes into as wedding so you would need to make your engagement official soon.
If you don't need a ring, then get to planning and make sure he comes/ makes decisions everywhere with you.... let him know you need to book soon so you need to make your engagement official (however way he is planning on doing that).
Yes - October this year. We have been together for a long time so I don't see the need for a long engagement. He has a ring so goodness knows what he is planning! As I said it's VERY exciting but it's frustrating that I can't shout this from the roof tops. Thank goodness for the Bee!!
I started planning 4 months before we were officially engaged. It was difficult because the people we let in on it were always like "oh....you don't have a ring?" and thought it wasn't "official". i wouldn't pressure him and just try to keep yourself from going mad. mine ended up doing something really sweet and sentimental so it was all good in the end, but waiting did suck!
We had a date picked and vendors booked before I got my ring. It was fun because we had some of the stuff already taken care of and could just enjoy sharing the news with everyone.
I have started looking at a few things...I have an invitation picked out...and I have been in contact with the guys I want to do our music. I'm looking into price comparisons for a marquee at a private residence vs a function room at a club. Once I start getting some quotes back I will bring it up with him but until then...its good, its keeping me busy and I feel more relaxed.
what do you mean, he has the ring in the cupboard??? you found it ?
Haha, its a long story! I knew he had it but yes, I have stumbled accross it. He stashes everthing important in his underwear shelf and guess who puts his underwear away?!
My boyfriend and I are the same way - waiting to get a ring because of money, but already semi-planning it for next summer! I'm glad I'm not the only one who starts planning before the ring :)
Trust me...I feel a bit silly sometimes....people are like 'oh are you engaged' if I walk into a bridal shop or if I email an enquiry they reply back 'firstly, congratulations....'
Anywho, I really didn't expect us to do it any other way. We've been together the longest in our group of friends and family and are the last to get married so why not do that backwards too!!
I would absolutely not have started planning our wedding unless I had a ring on my finger. Maybe I'm stubborn, maybe i've been disappointed too much (NOT by my DH, by previous relationships). It'd just feel weird to me. To each his own though, if that's the way you want to do it, fab! Happy planning!
That's we are doing! We're looking at venues, etc. We're for all purposes engaged, but its a money thing and he is saving the last bits for the ring right now.
From what I can gether, this is really happening. I actually whipped out a bridal mag last night in from of him and showed him some stuff and he actually took the mag of me and looked at what I was showing him and then flipped through the rest of the mag. I showed him a caterers menu and he looked at it and said 'Food doesn't get any better than that does it?' And he thought the invite sample was fine.
The hard part is the guest list and invites. I really want input from our parents and want to be able to tell people to save the date. And I need to get the ball rolling on invites.
If you guys know of any start to finish checklists or lists...please tell me. I have no idea what I'm doing!
In General:
Idea of budget/General idea of guest list & # of guests
Venue/Church/Caterer/Food
Photographer/Officiant/Gown/Music
Cake, Invitations, etc.
Rings, Decor
Jewelry/Undergarments/Tux/Suit
Any other incidentals
I did my wedding within 4 months.
My daughters- 2 months +/_
Thanks..,I'm not worried about our time frame...Im just worried I'll miss out on something important!
Thanks..,I'm not worried about our time frame...Im just worried I'll miss out on something important!
Yay! Your SO seems to be on board with the planning! That's HUGE (IMO)!
It also sounds like he's pretty easy going.
I also commented on another thread of yours regarding things you could possibly start planning. I was a BM last year and helped my friend plan. Those were just a few things that came to mind. :)
Also, my friend had a book with a check list of things. It was more of a work book/ guide book, but I don't remember the name of it.
It was quite comical as she got engaged 5-6 months before the wedding and the book suggested dress shopping about 9 months before! When we were doing some planning over lunch, she flipped to that page and giggled. No worries though. . .she found her dress and had plenty to have the alterations done.
We picked the date before we were officially engaged as well! :) We are getting maried October 8th (great date!). :)
We also were engaged before we had the ring as well. My ring was kind of a process since we ordered the setting from Ireland and then had the diamond set here. It worked for us, but we did get some comments from people who thought it was "weird."
Thanks for the encouragement guys. I did look at buying a planing diary but had the same problem, it listed the things you should be doing 18-12 months out. We're in no way glitzy and we have a lot of debt between us (SO owns a house and I own 2) so its hard for us to justify spending a fortune on a wedding. When I asked him what he wanted for our wedding his reply was 'to get married' which is really sweet. Its important to me that our guests have a good time and to me that's a good meal, a few too many drinks and a lot of dancing. So I guess we organise those things first and the dresses etc come later! I'm finding it a little bit hard that we can't ask his parents for their garden etc. What if they say no!
oh lord I've been doing this too... makes me feel much better to know I'm not the only one! The ring is in the works, but I've been ready to get married for 2 years now and I'm so impatient to get this show on the road!
You guys have no idea how good it makes me feel to hear that other women are doing this too. My "fiance" and I are unoficially engaged and he will be proposing to me sometime in July (he told me). We've booked most of the big things (both venues, officiant, photographer, caterer--reception is at a restaurant, DJ and hair/makeup)
I see nothing wrong with doing this, this way we guarantee we get the vendors we want 9 months ahead of time. I'm totally happy doing this and can't wait to walk down the aisle and marry my man!
Same thing as me...I'm spending hours everyday searching for venues, getting ideas etc but until I get the "sparkly thingy" (which im expecting in september) I can't make any official bookings or buy anything. People around me know im getting married next January or February but its a really awakward situation to be in....like HURRY UP ALREADY WITH THE RING! ARRGH LOL
@eebgniddew: I know how you feel. As far as "dates", I gave BF a few month/year combos I was thinking about, as well as several good reasons for needing at least a year to plan in hopes that it will give him a good kick in the pants. But I refuse to plan without a ring (not because I need a shiny or anything, I actually don't care, but him giving me the ring = "you can tell your family now", and I'd really like to be able to do that first!)
Same thing is happening with me! I'm glad to see that there are others out there like this. My bf and I had a discussion the other day about my concern about not being engaged yet, and my fear that by the time we do get engaged, the chapel will be booked up. SO, we contacted the chapel and reserved a date for next May without putting money down, and are going to see it in a few weeks and to make the deposit! Craziness! But I'm so happy we are on the same page and it definitely helps to calm my anxiety about having to wait for him to propose.
everyone is different, but I personally would not plan anything without an official engagement.
i think it would make me too angry! but that's just me.
SO asked me if I had a date in mind, and I do - 9/7/13! He also knows I've looked at venues, vendors, and dresses - all online, of course. I'll save the in-person looking and booking for when I have my 'sparkly thing.' He likes to joke that I'll have the entire wedding planned the day after he proposes. I don't see anything wrong with looking ahead and figuring out what we want before we get a ring. We both know we want each other, and that's what matters most!
I think everyone does/plans things differently!
If you want to marry each other that quickly? Go for it! Don't wait for the ring and formalities, getting married is the most important part!
If you're setting wedding dates, you're engaged, ring or no ring! Start asking people to change their plans! You don't have a lot of time!
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I have been trying so hard not to bring up marriage or a proposal because I know its coming and I just need to be patient. But it came up the other night, and all of a sudden we we're picking dates. But I have no sparkly thing.
He likes the idea of a New Years Eve wedding and so do I but I know that some of my good friends are away then and I really want them to be there. But because we're not engaged I can't ask if they can change their plans!!
The other date I like is OCtober 8. For no reason other than its a weekend in my diary that is blank.
Its so exciting but at the same time its so very frustrating. I can't check these dates with people, I can't tell my bridesmaids they are going to be bridesmaids and to go and buy a pretty dress.
Have any of you done things arse about face like this?
What should I do next?