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Hi! I kinda know what you mean...I'm also really excited for the marriage, but not as excited as I hoped to be for the big day. I mean, I am excited we are getting married, but it's exhausting planning everything. I am planning my wedding from out of state, and feel like I have had to cut out so many of the things I wanted to do--strictly b/c it is just too difficult to do from here. *Sigh*
I guess the important thing is to be excited about getting married though. And as for wanting to walk yourself down, it is really a personal decision. If it were me, I wouldn't be able to tell my dad I wanted to walk down by myself, but it should be totally up to you.
@honeybee88: Swap the states and mom for dad, and I'm you! I'm planning this wedding that wsn't my vision so his family can all be there, and I feel like I'm letting my mom down by not letting her walk me down the aisle, but I want to do it alone. I get that "I don't know how to explain it, but it's just want I (strongly) want" feeling. I just let her know that I plan to go alone. She is still trying to bring it up here and there, but I am always the girl who tries to please everyone (see the big ol' wedding that's not really my gig, like your small Southern wedding), and I decided my aisle walk was mine. I don't think my mom will be miffed about it as long as I would be rubbed by it, so I'm doing it my way.
I wish I could give you a hug! And go get some coffee (or wine, lol) to vent and chat with a gal in the same shoes. I hear ya, dear!
What if you had a small wedding on the beach like you've always dreamed of, and then a vow renewal/larger reception in GA with his family? I truly believe that you need to incorporate your dream wedding into this whole scenario because it is, after all, your special day. Every bride deserves to feel excited about her wedding, and it is apparent that you are not, with the way things stand now.
I feel you should share your thoughts and longtime dreams with your FI. Open communication can solve most anything. If he truly loves and respects you as his equal partner in life, he will want to compromise so that your needs/desires are met.
As for your dad not walking you down the aisle--that is entirely up to you. Do you have any sisters that he will able to share that special moment with? If not, consider allowing him to escort you. Remenber how important your longtime wedding dreams are to you? Well, It is every father's dream to have that moment with his baby girl ;-)
Most brides don't get the wedding of their dreams. Between budget restrictions, geographical considerations, family dynamics etc , we all end up compromising somewhere.
Reality sucks sometimes, but the wedding will be meaningful no matter what the details.
Have you considered having your Dad walk you only half way down the aisle, then walking the rest of the way by yourself? Very symbolic.
Y don't know have your dream wedding on the beach and then a reception in Georgia?
IMO this is the day you're gonna remember for the rest of your life, the relatives are not.
If you FI would be cool with it, that's what i'd do no question.
And for god's sake talk to your FI! You say you cannot express these things to him then show him this post. He needs to know how you feel, you're marrying him. If you can't talk about the wedding what else won't you be able to talk about?
And talk to your dad too and tell him how you feel.
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way.
Living in another city that isn't HOME is hard.
What CAN be done to make the two of your meet in the middle? Can you have an intimate ceremony on th beach in NJ and then have a commitment ceremony in GA?
Can you do even an elopement in NJ?
It's tough when you're trying to please everyone, but this day is not about everyone. It's about the two of you. So, I think maybe sit and chat about which things are most important to both of you and plan from there.
If having all the family in one place is #1, there you go. If it's more about your commiting your lives to each other and you don't technically care where it's done, there you go.
So many of these issues can be sorted out if you just talk with your partner. Good luck.
Can you have a beach wedding in Georgia or elsewhere in the south? Or on a lakefront or some water way, so you still feel like you have part of your dream?
Perhaps you can honeymoon near the beach to incorporate the idea that way?
I'm sorry you feel this way and can't have our perfect picture? I hope you can find some way to include elements you've always thought about, while still having a wedding everyone can attend.
@kerensa: WTH, I didn't even think of a beach wedding in GA. Good job!
OP-You could do Tybee Island!!! Lots of fun B&Bs, it's right outside of Savannah and easy to get to...
Just inputting my two sense.. I'm from Illinois.. met FI in New Orleans.. we're having the ceremony and reception up in Illinois because my grandparents are unable to make it down to NOLA and then will have a reception in NOLA for all our friends and a bunch of his family about a week later... something to consider if you have the money.. the second definitely won't be as extravagant as the first but it'll be a good time..
I 1000% understand what you are going through! I am going through the same thing right now. I am so excited to marry my fiance, but I just can't really picture myself in the wedding that we are planning. I had wanted something very small and intimate near my home town, and I'm planning a big affair near the city that I live in now. I didn't get what I wanted, and was in a funk about it for a few months. Why am I spending all this money and doing all this work for a wedding that wasn't my choice? I was crying about it one night and realized that I could do two things, 1) continue to pout about it and have a sad/bad attitude, or 2) will myself to get excited about it and hopefully if I acted excited then my mentality would turn around. So far it has worked, and I am getting super excited for what I have planned. In the back of my head I didn't get my small back yard wedding, and am petrified about taking my vows in front of 200 people, but oh well, that needs to stay in the back of my head! I think it does help to vent about this up to a point, but I do think you just need to make a pact with yourself that you are going to get excited about it, it's going to be great, and have your MOH help you turn your attitude around.
All that being said, I think the idea of you doing a vow renewal on the beach is a great option. Another thought would be if you are honeymooning somewhere tropical, have a mini wedding on the beach there. Just you and your FI. I know it's not the same as the first wedding, but it might fill the void of not having any sort of beach wedding. Good luck and hang in there!
can you still do a beach wedding in like south carolina? or another beach that is closer then NJ?? or maybe you just want to elope? that may e fun! Good Luck :)
I am also not excited for our wedding. We are having the wedding we want, but financial issues have crept up and they are so stressful that it's putting a huge damper on the wedding planning process and the wedding itself. I'll be happy to have this big expenditure behind us...
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I'm super excited about my marriage and I love my fiance to death. But I'm just not excited about our wedding.
My fiance is born and raised in Georgia and I moved down here a year and a half ago. I love it down here but I'm from NJ and I want my beach wedding at the Jersey shore where I grew up. I have always wanted a Spring beach wedding for as long as I can remember. But if we have our wedding there, his family can't make it because most are too old to travel and because of their line of work, just can't leave. And I figured it'd be pretty selfish of me to force the NJ wedding knowing his family wouldn't make it.
Anyway, so now I'm having a small, really small rustic fall wedding in Georgia. And my heart just isn't in it because deep down, it's not what I want. Just sucks I've had my whole wedding planned since I was little and now that my wedding is around the corner...I have to plan something completly different. And I don't even want the wedding now, Just wanna say the vows and go on our honeymoon.
Just wanted to get that out, I don't mention it or ever whine about it to my fiance (he does know it's not my dream wedding though) and his family, I don't want them to feel guilty. Only my MOH knows how I feel about the big day.
I also don't want to be walked down the aisle. I love my Dad, we have a good relationship. I just for some reason want to walk to my fiance by myself. I don't feel comfortable walking that with someone, I know it sounds kinda strange. But I don't want to say anything to my Dad and crush him. So I guess I'll just suck this one up and do it.
Anyone else feel something related to what I'm going through?