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Oh goodness, that sounds horrible! You sound much stronger than I could be in that situation, it must have been a really rough year for you. That said...people choose to not have their father involved in their wedding for a whole range of reasons. He might have passed away, or they might not get along, they might not be part of each other's lives, or some girls choose to walk themselves down the aisle or not have a dance because they want to walk alone, or hate dancing. I wouldn't worry about what people think - anyone who cares about you will understand, and those who don't care will hopefully not be at the wedding :) If anyone asks you can just say your dad's not around, or you can ignore them. FH's dad isn't in his life and won't be at our wedding either, I guess some people might notice and ask questions, I'm not sure what our answer will be but I know the important people will be there and I'm going to focus on that :)
Joylucero,
This is such a difficult situation and I really feel your pain. Mountainbride is right on!
Let go of what anyone else might think and just do what feels right for you. If having your mother walking you down the aisle (or anyone else who has been loving and supportive of you) makes you feel happy, then you should do it. They don't call it "your day" for no reason! Continue moving forward with your life with dignity and respect and everything else will unfold with grace from there.
Sending you hugs and wishing for your future happiness!
I know how hard this must be for you. Don't worry about what anyone says - it is your wedding, and you should walk down the aisle by yourself or with whomever you feel the most comfortable.
Thank you so much for that I really needed some advice *hugs* to you all :)
I will have my grandfather walk me down the aisle if he is able (he is almost 90). Is yours still living? If not maybe an uncle or a close male relative. My father passed away 10 years ago last month. Or your best guy friend!
It's difficult. Many hugs to you.
@bellenga: I thought about that, unluckily one of them past away and the other is really sick so he’s not attending, I have no brothers so I think my mom will be my best option :)
Hello,
Well I am sort of in the same boat. My father and I use to be really close. Then life happened and he felt like I was no a good daughter and I disappointed him no matter what I did with my life. So I wrote him a letter asking him if he would be in my wedding. He wrote back saying that he would no longer be talking to me and of course he would not want any part of my wedding.
So I have been heart broken and well it hurts. It made me want not to have a wedding but just to elope. But after a lot of soul searching and realizing that I think family is very important me I really still want a wedding.
My FFIL offered to walk me down the aisle and I know my grandfather would. But I think that I will proudly hold my head up high and walk myself down the aisle because I have worked my a$$ off to get where I am today. My family has not been there. My new family supports me and loves me so much more then my real flesh and blood.
I say do what your heart says. Because in the end you are the one that has to live with it and chose what is best for your heart/mind/soul. I am sure your FI will support you.
I know mine would not be happy if my dad did show up. But I know he would let it go if he had to because he would know that is what I wanted if it is what I chose. I am sure your's would understand also.
I dont know how well this helps. But really take sometime and sit down and really think about that day that moment and what would be important to you.
Good luck!
We are here for you!
@ Firefighter_Prazs_Girl: I really feel your pain and I’m sorry you have to go through that, walking down the aisle by yourself is a true brave thing to do (Just saying it because it shows how strong you are now), thank you so much for sharing your experience. This is why I love so much to buzz around Weddingbee. Oh! Btw I’m following your blog now :)
My father is alive, but will not be attending the wedding. I do have a fabulous mom and step-dad, and, if anyone is going to walk me down the aisle, it will be my mom - but I will probably walk down by myself. We decided to not have the father/daughter and mother/son dance, but I will definetly have a special moment dancing with my mom and with my stepdad.
My advice? I am so sorry that you have to deal with this really hard issue, but do what is going to make you happy. Don't get stuck on what other people will think of you if you mom walks you down the aisle, or if you dance with her. It's your wedding, and your moments, and you want them to be wonderful for you.
I think it would be completely appropriate for you to walk alone or with your mom. To be honest I don't know if it would even register on my radar to think why is the bride walking alone or with her mom, or not with her bio. father, ect. Your fiance could even walk with you down the aisle.
Don't worry about what the "rules" are. Everyone does unique things in their wedding nowadays, and I don't think the guests will question anything if your dad isn't present. People who don't know the story probably won't think anything of it, and the people who do know what happened will obviously understand.
Hugs to you, I know this is difficult. But don't worry about everyone else. Do what feels right to you. If that means mom is going to walk you down the aisle, so be it. It will be beautiful no matter what!
Joylucero--You should do whatever you feel would be right for you. If having your mom walk you down the aisle feels right to you, do it. There are no rules that say you can only have your mom walk you down the aisle if your dad has passed away. The people who are closest to you will know the situation, and the ones who don't may assume things, but you can't help that. Good luck!
I feel ya'lls pain. I grew up without my father. I guess he just did not want to be part of my life but luckily i had the love and support from the rest of my family. I'm also having my grandpa walk me down the aisle. He's been the father figure in my life from day one.I'd say also do what feels right. i think my second option would've been my mom or aunt even. Good Luck and God Bless
I'm so sorry you're dealing with a difficult situation. I agree that you should do whatever you feel most comfortable with. I don't have a relationship with my father, and I didn't want to change that situation just because I was getting married. I didn't invite him (haven't spoken to him in 5+ years), which was a decision my mom didn't agree with, but I definitely made the right choice for me. Involving him just because "tradition" dictates it would have ruined the day for me.
I had my brother walk me down the aisle and it was great. He was the perfect person to have with me, because he made me laugh. Although my husband danced with his mom, I didn't do a 'father-daughter" dance. Honestly, not one person mentioned the lack of my dad's presence to me, even my husband's family who doesn't know anything about my family situation. I think you should do whatever you think will make you happiest/most comfortable. It's your day!
Thank you so much girls, I've been thinking a lot about this and yup I think I'm going to walk down by myself. I feel more and more comfortable about that each day :)
Thank you for all the great advice :)
I am sorry for your situation. My 10 year old nephew is walking me down the aisle...my father will be at the wedding, but he is not deserving of such a role. Props to you for walking down by yourself!
Miss Poodle- don't worry yourself even a BIT about what people think. Do what is right for you and honors those who have been father FIGURES to you when you father was not or could not.
My dad passed away in 2004 and my uncle will walk me down the aisle (his brother and my godfather.) Not sure what I'm doing about the dance and stuff though. I'm glad to hear that others are in similar situations.
there are so many creative things you can do these days. my father is alive, but i don't have a relationship with him, so i am walking myself down the aisle too. i am really close to my mom, so instead of a father-daughter dance we are having a "mom's" dance. my fh will dance with his mother, and i'll dance with mine, then we'll switch half-way through. i picked a song that is meaningful to my mom and i, it's "what a wonderful world", and it will be a suprise:)
awww....i'm sorry to hear about this ms. poodle:-( here's to lots of hugs your way:-) i am not in your position, but i feel your pain. because, at the end of the day, he is your father and you had expectations of him...and you had every right to have them. i don't know what happened, but it sounds terrible...whatever he did. just remember that parents are people too and don't always behave the way we expect them to.as long as you are safe and protected, then that's what matters.
have you considered walking together with mr. poodle? if not, then it's perfectly ok to walk down the aisle with your mom. or by yourself. this is your wedding. do whatever is going to make you feel good. don't worry what other people will think or say. of course, we don't live in a perfect world, so people may wonder about your dad. it's not anyone's business, but maybe you could get mr. poodle or someone else to make a note ahead of time to the family/friends that your dad will not be there. you don't even have to give a reason. people might just assume it's because of visa problems. no matter what people think, don't let it get you down.
just remember that all things happen for a reason, sometimes the reasons are not clear right away. just be happy that you and mr. poodle found each other and will soon be celebrating your love together with friends and family who love and care for you. there is a saying that goes, "blood is thicker than water." i don't believe this. mr. ladybuglove and i are not related by blood (ewww!), but he is the most important person to me. sometimes your family is not the one you were born into. sometimes you have to create it. you seem like a lovely person with many, many, many talents and i wish you lots of joy and love and happiness. a spiritual teacher once told me, "do everything with love and let go of the results." i love that saying and try to live my life that way. (notice i said try:-)
more hugs your way.................
Big BIG hugs for you. Our parents don't always do right by us, even though it is their job and responsibility.
I come from a very abusive family and my mother is still alive she's not in my life and won't be at my wedding. It hurts for sure but it would hurt so much worse to have her in my life.
It is Jewish tradition to walk down the aisle with both parents, so if your mom walked you down the aisle that would actually not seem strange to me. Anyway, you can and should do whatever feels most comfortable to you and makes you happy.
A family does not have to be your parents and we don't all have the same, identical family. And those at your wedding will not judge you - they love you. Plenty of us have situations that don't fit the "mold" and its too bad that tradition can backfire in a sense and make those of us who can't participate in traditions feel as if we are missing something somehow. I feel your pain and I do understand how this is bringing up a lot of sadness for you. It sounds though like there are so many people that love and care for you and will step in to the role of your father.
As for me, my male best friend will be walking me down the aisle. He's very excited.
Thank you so much for all the kind replies!!
I actually wanted to take a moment and thank all of you guys because I'm still amazed of how supporting and awesome the WeddingBee community is! I feel really blessed by the chance to share my entire wedding planning journey with all of you guys. and even share the things I would never thought of sharing - like this kind of topics, and the great thing is that instead of keeping all this to myself and hide what makes me sad, I can share it and actually find brides that have going trough similar situations, feel a deep connection to the issue, or just want to cheer up the other bees! (That's one of the things that make this community soo awesome)
So thank you!! (To all of you that get to read this) I think in kind of emotional this days lol
ladybuglove & wildstyle - you guys almost tear me up!
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Hi hive! I read on a related post about not having the father/daughter dance or the walk down the aisle because the father past away. But in my case my father is alive and until last year I thought he would do all those things. We had a really bad argument and it ended up with him on jail and a restriction order, so he can’t even get close to me. I’ve been really strong with all that and forgive him for what he attempted to do. As natural after that even my FI is happy he’s not going to be a part of our wedding.
But on the bottom of my heat this hurts a lot and I don’t know how to deal with it (Having my mom walking me and dancing with me or not) that because I’ve read that your suppose to do that only if your dad is not alive, Am I wrong? I don’t want people to think he's dead, but I don’t want to be forced to say the real reason or lie either.
I could really use some advices and hugs :( . I know there’s so much experience here