So, my father is not in the picture, and I was thinking of dancing with my mother, but I dont get along with my mother, has anyone opted NOT have a father/daughter dance for some reason? what about the walk down the aisle?
My father was not in the picture for most of my life after age 12 (I was married 2yrs ago at 22), just popped back in at really random times. My mother wanted to walk me down the aisle, and really raised H**L when I wanted my step-dad and father to do it (kinda wanted the sentimental moment, I guess??). It caused a lot of drama for a while, but in the end, I came to a decision everyone could agree on: I am really close to my grandparents, therefore, both Grandfathers walked me down the aisle, and there was no formal Father/Daughter Dance, tho I did dance with each of them at one point or another.
I really am happy I made this decision. These men helped to raise me and make me the woman I am today, they both were so honored, and one of them passed away 6mos after the fact tragically and unexpectedly, therefore, I can always remember him and how happy he was in my wedding pictures!
You could always walk down alone... it would show your independence. Or as the reader above did, if you are close to another family member (say grandparent or sibling they could do it )
I don't think a father daughter dance is important. I'm very close with my father and I wanted to skip this. Yes, it is sentimental-but I think it is dated. You can dance with your dad or whoever you like during the wedding- it doesn't have to be an event eveyone has to watch.
My father and groom's mom had both passed away. Unfortunately that kinda made our decision easy. No F/D or M/S dance. And we didn't replace them with anything else. The only formal dance we had was our first dance.
My brother walked me down the aisle :)
These days there is no 'this is how a wedding should go' rules. Everyone is changing it up and making things happen the way it suits them as a couple. It's what will make your wedding special to you and your groom. So do what you feel is right for you guys!
You can skip the dance and walk solo down the aisle or have your mom walk you (but since you don't get along, go solo or ask someone you're close to).
I've had some similar issues -- my dad died a few years ago. My brother's going to walk me down the aisle (my initial preference was to go solo, but I wanted to include my brother, so bridal escort he shall be). I'm going to dance with my mom's partner/boyfriend of 16+ years. I wanted to do this because he's done so much for me over the years -- helping me move across the country, went to all my basketball games when I was growing up and so on. Ironically, my mom wasn't thrilled with the idea and wanted me to dance with one of my dad's brothers, none of which I'm particularly close to. I'm also planning on playing a fun song and asking everyone to join me on the floor in memory of my dad -- who loved dancing, music, and a good party. Hopefully it won't look like he was forgotten or replaced.
In this day and age the "giving away of the bride" isn't really necessary. This comes from the days of arranged marriages when daughters were considered property. The father then handed his "property" over to the other man.
Most couples live together before they're married anyway, so it really has no meaning other than being a tradition.
A lot of couples nowadays also see each other before the wedding, so why not walk down the aisle together. After all, the marriage is about the two of you sharing your love and lives, it has nothing to do with your parents. Why not walk down the aisle together? I think it would be endearing and you could help calm each others nerves.
As for the dances, if you really want to do a dance, have it be with someone close to you, perhaps a mentor or other family member thats always been there for you. The dances are just a little tribute saying thank you. Some weddings I've been to didnt have any special dances because the couple didn't really like to dance. It's everyone's own preference.
Best of luck. Remember to incorporate whats important to you and your FH to make your wedding special. No one said everyone's wedding has to follow certain rules and traditions, everyone just assumes so.
My mom asked me to ask my step-dad..which was great..I was afraid she was gonna get all emotional (dad passed) and be weird so I gave her more options but she has no problems with that...and it'll make my stepdad feel more like family.
If your parents are paying for some of your wedding..I wouldn't recommend walking down alone...chose a sibling or granparent instead.
If you don't wanna dance...skip it...but if you want to you could dance with your grandpa or brother...or your male father figure if you have one.
I walked down the aisle with both my parents (which I get isn't a workable idea for you), but even so I skipped the father/daughter dance. Don't feel obligated to bow to a tradition that isn't meaningful for you! If it were going to ruffle feathers that would be different, but since it won't just don't bother with it!
I'm walking down the aisle alone (maybe having my FI meet me half-way) and we're only doing a first dance and bridal party (with partners of their choice) dance. No one is really batting an eye to my exclusion of a lot of traditions, so it is perfectly fine to do without anything that makes you uncomfortable! No one is going to yell out "Hey, where is your father dance!?!?" hehe :) Good luck!
So, my father is not in the picture, and I was thinking of dancing with my mother, but I dont get along with my mother, has anyone opted NOT have a father/daughter dance for some reason? what about the walk down the aisle?
posted by hithisisili 12 posts 4 months agoMy father was not in the picture for most of my life after age 12 (I was married 2yrs ago at 22), just popped back in at really random times. My mother wanted to walk me down the aisle, and really raised H**L when I wanted my step-dad and father to do it (kinda wanted the sentimental moment, I guess??). It caused a lot of drama for a while, but in the end, I came to a decision everyone could agree on: I am really close to my grandparents, therefore, both Grandfathers walked me down the aisle, and there was no formal Father/Daughter Dance, tho I did dance with each of them at one point or another.
I really am happy I made this decision. These men helped to raise me and make me the woman I am today, they both were so honored, and one of them passed away 6mos after the fact tragically and unexpectedly, therefore, I can always remember him and how happy he was in my wedding pictures!
posted by ambsLS 51 posts 4 months agoYou could always walk down alone... it would show your independence. Or as the reader above did, if you are close to another family member (say grandparent or sibling they could do it )
I don't think a father daughter dance is important. I'm very close with my father and I wanted to skip this. Yes, it is sentimental-but I think it is dated. You can dance with your dad or whoever you like during the wedding- it doesn't have to be an event eveyone has to watch.
Goodluck :)
posted by maureen9004 261 posts 4 months agoMy father and groom's mom had both passed away. Unfortunately that kinda made our decision easy. No F/D or M/S dance. And we didn't replace them with anything else. The only formal dance we had was our first dance.
My brother walked me down the aisle :)
These days there is no 'this is how a wedding should go' rules. Everyone is changing it up and making things happen the way it suits them as a couple. It's what will make your wedding special to you and your groom. So do what you feel is right for you guys!
posted by jilian 175 posts 4 months agoYou can skip the dance and walk solo down the aisle or have your mom walk you (but since you don't get along, go solo or ask someone you're close to).
I've had some similar issues -- my dad died a few years ago. My brother's going to walk me down the aisle (my initial preference was to go solo, but I wanted to include my brother, so bridal escort he shall be). I'm going to dance with my mom's partner/boyfriend of 16+ years. I wanted to do this because he's done so much for me over the years -- helping me move across the country, went to all my basketball games when I was growing up and so on. Ironically, my mom wasn't thrilled with the idea and wanted me to dance with one of my dad's brothers, none of which I'm particularly close to. I'm also planning on playing a fun song and asking everyone to join me on the floor in memory of my dad -- who loved dancing, music, and a good party. Hopefully it won't look like he was forgotten or replaced.
posted by bluegreenjean 118 posts 4 months agoIn this day and age the "giving away of the bride" isn't really necessary. This comes from the days of arranged marriages when daughters were considered property. The father then handed his "property" over to the other man.
Most couples live together before they're married anyway, so it really has no meaning other than being a tradition.
A lot of couples nowadays also see each other before the wedding, so why not walk down the aisle together. After all, the marriage is about the two of you sharing your love and lives, it has nothing to do with your parents. Why not walk down the aisle together? I think it would be endearing and you could help calm each others nerves.
As for the dances, if you really want to do a dance, have it be with someone close to you, perhaps a mentor or other family member thats always been there for you. The dances are just a little tribute saying thank you. Some weddings I've been to didnt have any special dances because the couple didn't really like to dance. It's everyone's own preference.
Best of luck. Remember to incorporate whats important to you and your FH to make your wedding special. No one said everyone's wedding has to follow certain rules and traditions, everyone just assumes so.
posted by MissCamera 75 posts 4 months agofor walking down the aisle my 3 choices are:
brother, stepdad or uncle.
My mom asked me to ask my step-dad..which was great..I was afraid she was gonna get all emotional (dad passed) and be weird so I gave her more options but she has no problems with that...and it'll make my stepdad feel more like family.
If your parents are paying for some of your wedding..I wouldn't recommend walking down alone...chose a sibling or granparent instead.
If you don't wanna dance...skip it...but if you want to you could dance with your grandpa or brother...or your male father figure if you have one.
Good luck.
posted by V 233 posts 4 months agoI walked down the aisle with both my parents (which I get isn't a workable idea for you), but even so I skipped the father/daughter dance. Don't feel obligated to bow to a tradition that isn't meaningful for you! If it were going to ruffle feathers that would be different, but since it won't just don't bother with it!
posted by twomayflies 17 posts 4 months agoI'm walking down the aisle alone (maybe having my FI meet me half-way) and we're only doing a first dance and bridal party (with partners of their choice) dance. No one is really batting an eye to my exclusion of a lot of traditions, so it is perfectly fine to do without anything that makes you uncomfortable! No one is going to yell out "Hey, where is your father dance!?!?" hehe :) Good luck!
posted by Natakie16 44 posts 4 months ago