Post # 1
I am at a loss. I am not a huge fan of female friends. I am usually friends with guys. I have been that way since I was 6. I am always “just one of the guys.” This doesn’t ever bother me. UNTIL my FI family has been hounding me to register for bridal gifts. I haven’t seen the point. I have lived on my own since I was 17, I was married for 20 months before (6years ago), and we have everything under the sun and don’t really need anything. FI and I have lived together for the last 3 years. Why do I need to register for stuff we don’t need nor want?
Why am I ranting on like this? Because today my FI looks at me and says, “Do you have any female friends that live around here other than friend A?” I am really bothered by this because sadly it’s true. I really don’t have a huge amount of female friends that live around where we live. I moved a lot as a child and I didn’t make friends when we would move from town to town because we moved every 12 -18 months while I was growing up. I got tired of making friends only to then leave a year later. Now, here I sit at 33 and realize that I really do not have “friends”. All of the people that I trust and love all live around the country as I have lived in various places, we all moved around after school and college and I work insane hours so I don’t meet alot of people. Now, my FI is asking me who I would even think of asking to a bridal shower since I don’t have friends around where we live. Suddenly I feel like I need to stand on the street just to meet people. *Sigh*
Post # 3
I see where you’re coming from. I don’t have a ton of female friends and I’m totally okay with that. But I would love to have friends in the neighbourhood to grab a coffee with the odd time, etc, but I agree, it’s so hard to meet people. I mean, once you’re past 20 it feels weird meeting someone and saying “Hey, we should hang out sometime, give me your number and I’ll call you!”. It just doesn’t feel appropriate once you’re 30…. Or I feel like I might creep someone out, LOL!
So how to make friends. Well, maybe taking a class locally or joining a club would help. What about a local WB meet up? I’ve made a few friends through WB (thanks ladies!). As for your shower, maybe yours is just one with female relatives, or just don’t have one! No one says you have to!
Post # 4
I hear ya. I had a similar dilemma when trying to find bridesmaids. (My criteria was girls I’ve actually gotten together to hang out with at least once in the last three months, and came up with *ahem* a short list.)
I say you don’t have to have a bridal shower if you don’t want to. Is there someone specific who wants to throw a shower for you, your FMIL perhaps? If no one volunteers, then just let that one “slip under the cracks.”
See if you can’t whip up a small registry to appease FI’s family. Maybe you can upgrade a few of the kitchen appliances you have now. And you can always use an extra set of bedsheets and bath towels! Or create a non-traditional registry like honeymoon contributions, gardening supplies, or camping gear.
Post # 5
My friends are all over the country too – the ones I have kept are the ones I really care about. I figure that’s the price I pay for living all over the country. So I’m not having a bridal shower. It’s not really the kind of thing that matters to me. I’ve lived here for two years and will be leaving next summer so, like you, I really don’t have friends here to throw a shower or come to it. We are registered for the household stuff I will never spend money on – e.g. Le Crueset, which I absolutely love cooking with. We are also asking for some things we will appreciate as a married couple – tickets to local theater, frames for our wedding photos, new towels (at the very least you’ll need them in a few years). Also, we’re hoping people will donate to good causes in our honor. I suggest starting a registry on Amazon and random ideas will start occuring to you. If not, just tell people not to get you anything and that you simply want them to come and celebrate wiht you. That’s okay too.
Post # 6
My mother always said you will have alot of aquaintences (sp?) but count yourself lucky if you have a few really good friends. I have three really good friends. One lives halfway across the country. One lives in a small town and goes to school, works, raises kids, etc…so we rarely get to see each other. The final friends works a ton, but we work together one night a week so we get together that night after work most weeks.
I will not be having a bridal shower as most of our family and friends live out of town. Which is just fine with me. I do not enjoy going to showers, so I will not be having one. I will be having a hen night out with my three girls the weekend before the wedding as it is the only time we will all be in the same town at the same time. That I AM looking forward to.
Post # 7
I understand, I have gone to college, worked and raised a family and worked insane hours, and now that I am NOT working I spend time on WB to have some female companionship. BTW- I chose only to have a MOH, and no BMs cause it just felt weird, and I was happy with just my MOH. ( She is the only female cousin (I know) on my dad’s side of the family). A couple of cousins on my mom’s side that I am closest with, but younger than threw me a bridal shower, which was really nice of them. 🙂
Post # 8
I don’t know how it works, but I have heard (here?) of couples having something like a honeymoon registry??? At the risk of being rude, I think it would be awesome if people wanted to help send you on a honeymoon, but maybe someone here could shed some light on that! But honestly, you do need things like towels and sheets after a few years! 🙂
Post # 9
ladies, thank you so much! I have really been beating myself up for a while now. I am guessing my FMIL is wanting to have a shower since she keeps asking about the registry. I did register online at Bed Bath and Beyond because, like you all have said, who does need new towels, sheets and upgraded appliances. I chose Bed Bath and Beyond because they do have a china pattern I will probably buy myself if noone gets it. I am totally obessessed with hearts and they have a china pattern in hearts and swirls and they actually match our wedding invitations. FI just blind sided me today with numerous questions about female friends and relatives and a date (that I can’t even remember because the Red Flashy lights were going off in my head at this point– WARNING, WARNING, WARNING!) to see what plans I have at the end of August. Um, is there anything written on the calendar? NO? then I guess I don’t have plans. I was really beginning to think there was something wrong with me that at 33 I didn’t have “girlfriends” that live around the corner that I want to pick up the phone and say, “let’s have coffee.” I don’t even do that with my FSIL. I would prefer to go hangout with my FI cousins who play hockey and football. There are 3 girls I would be lost without and I do speak with them daily. Problem? One lives in GA, one in NM and one in CA (and she just came home from Iraq!) and I live in DE. All of them will be here in September (as they are all in the wedding!). That is what is important to me. I want there here for the joy of our union and the celebration at the reception, not some silly party where I am opening china patterns.
Post # 10
Oh wow, I completely identify and sympathize with you. Not sure if it’s reassuring, but you are not the only one. You sound so much like me. I also moved around a lot growing up, probably not quite as much as you. I also got used to the cycles of making/losing close friends and got pretty tired of trying after a while. Couple that with some bad adult experiences with female friends and here I find myself at 29 with no really close girlfriends around.
I’m a pretty independent person, so I usually don’t think or care about it too much. I was such a tomboy growing up. The boys always seemed like they had so much more fun! I guess I never really got away from that. Having a drink and watching a game and cussing is fun! Not that I don’t like girl time, but it often seems so much more complicated. Also I work mainly with men and get along great with “the guys,” but like you, that’s not really helping me out too much now. 🙂
I’ve told FH to spread the word that I don’t want any showers or bachelorette parties, because they wouldn’t be given for me by close friends, and I’d just feel lame. Also sad because I’m still hurting from a breakup with my ex-best friend. I just keep thinking about how she was supposed to be here having fun with me for all this, but she decided her new hipster friends were more important than me. After almost ten years. But whatever, I guess.
Anyway, I’m rambling. But I really just wanted to say that I’m sorry and I think I know how you feel. Oh, and I also don’t get the point of registering. We’ve lived together for a year and a half, and were both fully functional adults before we met. What I’d really like is for someone to fix the rusty spot on my car, and the oil leak on FH’s truck. But we can’t ask for that, so no registry for us! So ((hugs)) and hang in there. You’re not alone.
Post # 11
@deepbluediver… I understand the breakup of a best friend. My best friend since we were 9 (you do the math… we are 33) in March stopped talking to me because I refused to give her a substantial amount of money. Both she and her husband now are not working (he is just plain lazy and she got laid of almost 2 years ago) and neither a looking for a job. She kept complaining that they were broke and didn’t have $$. She got her feeling hurt when I first started planning the wedding and didn’t ask her to be a BM. I didn’t ask her because I could not afford to pay for her dress, pay for her family to get here, pay to put them up somewhere (we have 2 bedroom house and family had already claimed the other room) and pay to get them a car. I just could not afford her. I told her if her financial situation changed before we ordered dresses, I would love for her to be a BM. that didnt’ make her happy she kept telling me how mean I was. Then came the phone call for the loan. Since the day I said No, I have not heard from her. It hurt for a while, but then I realized that I was always the one calling her, I was the one who would go visit her, I was the one doing things for her and it was never reciprocated. It took a little while, but I am getting over the loss the friendship, but life is better without all her drama…See… Girlfriend=drama!
BUT.. UGH.. you brought up something I had not even thought of… A bachelorette party. EW. I would be find to pass on this tradition. I would rather just have a nice dinner with FI and our couple friends. NO, I am not extremely close to the women, but they are the women I hang out with when he hangs out with the husbands and we at least get a long.
Post # 12
Coed bacchelor / bacchelorette parties are becomming more popular these days. Just combine forces with your FI and his friends!
Post # 13
Yeah, I am the same way. ALL of my female friends were in my wedding, all 3 of them.
Post # 14
awhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..this is verry sad.
Post # 15
How about this… I am 25, I have lived in the same town my whole life, and I have no true girl friends (except my three sisters, but even they drive me insane sometimes). I have been invited to baby showers for girls I was friends with in high school, so I go and play nice then I remember how they hated my guy and stopped talking to me years ago.
I get along with guys very well, but girls not so much. I find it uncomfortable to talk to them. I rarely talk to our guy friend’s wives/girlfriends because I feel like an outsider (they hang out more often) and there’s one who always brings up an embarrassing situation involving myself before we even get through the first round of drinks. Which makes me want to bring up every stupid thing she’s ever done, but I don’t because I’m not rude.
So don’t feel bad!
Post # 16
Flutterby, I’m in the same boat… I have a couple friends that I grew up with who I keep in touch with but they are my ONLY female friends. Over the years I’ve tried to make new friends with females, but I never seem to find anyone who is worth keeping in my life (they either end up trying to hit on my fiance or I find out that they are talking behind my back etc.). I have grown to not trust women because of my bad experiences. Instead of having a women only shower have a co-ed shower (for lack of a better term). Invite men and women and have it more like a cocktail party w/ gifts than a traditional stuffy girls only shower. Don’t feel bad… you’re not the only one like that!