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I'm really not sure abuot the whole gift thing until now, so I'm glad you brought it up, too bad it was under these circumstances though. Try not to feel bad about your FMIL not wanting to talk about your wedding, mine is the same. I try to talk to her about it so she feels involed but she always brushes me off or changes the subject.
So is your wedding not until next October? If so, there's quite a long time left still for his mom to become involved in some way. Even if not, you could just give her a card expressing your happiness that she was at the wedding, maybe with a picture of all of you together. If she's his only parent, it's important to keep that relationship strong in spite of annoyance. That's what it seems like to me, anyway.
Regarding parent gifts, we didn't give them. We didn't give each other gifts, either. Our peer groups just don't do that. We're going to give each set of parents a Blurb album in a few weeks, but that's it. So I wouldn't feel too stressed about it because I don't think most parents expect to get anything.
I was sort of wondering about gifts as well. My mom, and my Aunt to a lesser extent, are the only people really helping with our wedding. My mom is paying for the whole thing, including the rehearsal dinner! My FI's mom is a really nice lady, but she's broke and I think just a bit clueless about weddings in general. His Dad isn't really in the picture and my Dad passed away in 2004. I also have two MOH's and FI has a best man, but they haven't done anything either. Basically all everyone has to do is show up. I'll probably get the girls just a little something, because I love them... but I need to do something nice for my Mom and my Aunt who is taking our pictures and has been a wealth of emotional support. My guess is we'll probably send FMIL a framed picture of the two of us from the wedding when its all over. Whoever we end up giving gifts to, it will be in private.
@amysue - Yup, wedding isn't till next October, BUT we've been actively planning it for the past seven months (we've got all of the big stuff done, and are about to go into wedding planning hiatus). So basically - all of the major deposits have been paid, the major decisions have been made, and she's shown no interest in being a part of any of it.
I'm trying not to be overly bitter about it.
@NovaScotiaBride - Yeah, she's the same way. Well, she's that way about everything, I guess it just annoys me that, you know, her only kid who she claims she is incredibly close with is getting married, and she doesn't seem to care at all.
Gosh I'm glad I'm not the only one who didn't give out gifts to everyone and their cousin. I'm starting to feel guilty.
I would say that if you aren't having a RD, then you can jsut present your gifts to whomever you want to give gifts to, in a rahter private way. That way, FMIL doesn't get one, nor sees anyone else getting one. But I really don't think that you need to thank her for anything if she's isn't giving you anthing.
However, for the sake of your relationship with her, I might try to go a bit easier on her. Are you sure she can afford to give you money? Even if she can, maybe she's kind of traditional and doesn't really feel she's supposed to offer you money. (That if you and FI aren't paying for it, it's up to your parents.) Does Fi have a sister? Maybe she's trying to save her money to pay for that wedding. Also, as amysue mentioned, your wedding is a ways off. Perhaps she will get in the game a bit later. I just don't want you to expect anyone to offer to pay. She really isn't obligated. And it doesn't have to mean that she dislikes you or isn't approving. (But if you are concerned about this in some way, you could always tlak to your Fi about it.)
@Tanya123 - Thanks - I'm trying VERY hard not to be tough on her - my fiance is her only child, and there may be some financial difficulties - BUT we honestly did not expect or ask her to contribute at all financially (because she'll just hold it over our heads later) - but where it really hurts both my fiance and I is how unsupportive she is emotionally. I'm perfectly fine if she can't even give us a present or pay for the DJ, but at least be there for us, listen to us, and generally support us - that's all I ask - and, it appears, that is asking too much.
And I know what you mean about giving gifts to everyone and their third cousin... sometimes, this whole wedding blog reading wedding planning business gets a little overwhelming, and it's easy to lose sight of your OWN wedding. Honestly, it's that my parents are so supportive, in so many ways, that I want to make sure that they feel special - but my fiance's mom has been so... nothing.
To be honest I probably wouldn't give her anything. If it turns out she does get supportive (might happen closer to the time) or is really helpful on the day, you could change your mind later and give her a card or small gift. I am intending to buy presents for our parents, but they are all contributing financially and have been very supportive in other ways too. And I would probably stop discussing the wedding with her too, at least until closer to the time. If it hurts when she's not interested, don't give her the opportunity :)
While I think that you're not ENTITLED to give her anything (or any of your parents, for that matter), it would be nice. Otherwise, it would probably be seen as a snub, and that could damage your future relationship with her.
Gilneas, do you think that maybe she doesn't offer much support for the wedding, because she feels awkward talking about it, if she can't put any money into it? Maybe she feels like she hasn't bought her way into the boardroom, so to speak. Or maybe she feels if she starts offering opinions, that she'll be hit for a request of money. (Not that you would, but maybe her perception.)
If she feels like your family has even a little more money, perhaps she feels like the whole event is passing her by. Sometimes it's hard for MOG. They don't always know where they fit in. And if your families seem to have different lifestyles she jsut might not know how to fit in, in general. (Not sure if that all applies. Just a thought.)
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My mom and step-dad are contributing a lot to our wedding, both emotionally and financially (my mom is currently paying for aprox 50% of our total budget, and my step-dad has graciously offered to pay for the flowers).
My fiance's mom (ostensibly, his only parent) hasn't offered to do anything for the wedding at all, and she's a bit self-involved, so whenever I talk about the wedding, she finds a way to talk about something tangentially related to herself (for example: I mention my dress, and she discusses what her bridesmaids wore at her wedding). My fiance's uncle, who he is really close with, told us, the moment he heard we were getting married, to just let him know what we want him to do / pay for, and he'll be there and do it / pay for it - and his mom? Nothing.
We're not having a rehearsal dinner, so parental gifts will probably be given after the wedding, in private. Is it wrong to not give his mom a gift or a card, if she really hasn't done anything for the wedding except shown up (reasonably on time, we hope!)? Especially compared to my parents, who are doing so much? Or is that just being petty? We're just kind of hurt that she doesn't seem to care at all, and I'd really love to make my parents feel a bit more special, because they've done so much for us over the years.