Post # 1
I was just informed now that the deadline for the final payment for the Venus is due that my in-laws will not be able to make the half of the final payment. We sat down way before this whole planning process started and talked about the Venue’s expenses. I have even printed out the contracts for them and highlighted everything they need to know with the breakdown of each and every single item.
It was a struggle to get them to put half of the deposit down. on the due date itself, they’ve told me they cant come up with half of the deposit amount. Me and my fiancee were firm about telling them that we have agreed upon this and everyone was given enough notice. So the solution for me was to request an extension from the Venue to pay off the rest of the deposit.
Now that I am two weeks away from the wedding. It happened again. and it’s worse as they only gave me a little bit compared to what was agreed (half of the final payment of the Venue. half will be paid by my single mother!).
Is it wrong for me to hate them? I know everyone struggles with money. but why offer? why agree? why after all my reminders and talks with them…they keep saying “yes, we got it” now I am stuck.
Now I am requesting the venue to get rid of the surcharge fee as I have no choice but uninvite 10 people to at least help cover some of the balance. This is so embarrasing!
So I told the in laws to please uninvite 5 of their guests, I will uninvite 5 from my side and to please let me know right away because we are two weeks away. four days later I still didnt get confirmation from them. All calls, txts, emails are being ignored because maybe I am putting them in an embarassing situation? but wdh!
I am angry too, but the job needs to get done. I still have to continue on planning and attending appointments and have to put all my emotions aside.
Post # 3
I’m sorry you are dealing with this stress two weeks before your wedding! 🙁 Is it possible to maybe set up an extended payment plan with your venue? Can you arrange making payment after the wedding? This will give you some more time to save and you won’t have to worry about uninviting guests. Is there anything else you can cut costs on? Rentals? Decor?
Post # 4
Sorry but I definitely think it’s wrong to hate them. Yes they are flaky or whatever but you should never count on money you don’t have. After the deposit incident you should have prepared for this. It’s not like they have to give you money, it’s a nice generous gesture. It’s effed up to spring it on you last minute but you can’t dwell on it. The wedding is super close you just have to roll with it. Cut cost elsewhere if you don’t have the additional money.
Post # 5
@MsSparklyBee: I knew there was a possibility that they will do this. But they have promised us and agreed with my parents that both sides will be in charge of the Venue cost.
I procedeed with caution that I went way under budget. Maybe saved a minimum $5,000 from what they have expected.
That’s not the point I am trying to make. I would not give my word if I will not be able to fulfull it especially for something so important.
We made sure we had regular talks with them after the initial agreement to make sure everyone is okay, that there is a concrete plan in place. and they said yes. they know it and they will take care of it.
I’m sorry if I am hating them for putting us in this situation like it is not a big deal. with a year in advance notice and regular reminders.
Everything except for the Cake is set. contracts have been signed. I am two weeks away from the wedding.
Post # 6
“It was a struggle to get them to put half of the deposit down. on the due date itself, they’ve told me they cant come up with half of the deposit amount. Me and my fiancee were firm about telling them that we have agreed upon this and everyone was given enough notice.”
I get that they “offered”, but when push came to shove, you had to strong-arm them to get the money, which I personally never would have done. That’s a huge red flag from the get-go.
Yes, you’d be 100% in the wrong to hate them. Cut costs elsewhere.
Post # 8
@worriedconfusedbride: You have every right to be upset with them. How can they do this now?? What a mess. Here are some tips on what to do:
-Talk to the venue to see if you can set up a payment arrangement
-Reduce the size/type of cake you have
-Borrow money from a friend/another family member
Do not univite guest who have already planned on attending. You may even have some no-shows, which would help. Do not get into an argument with your inlaws.
Just talk to your FH about it, discuss it with Mom and put your heads together to figure out a way to get through the wedding. It will work out fine.
Post # 9
Did you ever think that your FI’s parents can’t afford it? Maybe they just didn’t want to tell you that when your parents are also contributing? The fact they had a hard time paying the deposit was your first red flag.
Post # 10
@worriedconfusedbride: It’s definitely not wrong to hate the position they put you in!
(I’m sure it’s not them you hate, just the STRESS!)
Don’t worry… It will all be over soon!
Post # 11
@badabing88: I only believed it because they have talked to us and said it wont happen again. It was just because it was earlier on the planning process. That they know they have taken responsibility of it and are sorry for the deposit but because there is enough time that will for sure be able to come up with the rest on the final due date.
In our culture it is very typical for parents to cover most of the wedding cots. Ours was going to cover the Venue cost.
Maybe it is my fault for having faith in them, although as a reuslt of the deposit, I proceeded with caution by being under budget with everything. But of course there are still costs I couldnt cut as of the number of guests they wanted to invite.
Post # 12
@alleycat1984: No originally no one asked them. They dont know who is paying what. But they simply told us they would love it if they can cover half of the venue cost as they want to contribute. which was very nice of them and I do appreciate all that.
Post # 13
- Wedding: October 2013 - Tybee Island, GA
I dont think you should hate them…
Honestly, (even though they had an agreed amount) at least they gave you what they have…
My fiance and I are paying for our wedding ourselves… no help from any family whatsoever; and it’s truely hard. We havent even had anyone offer to help, yet they want to have their input as to what to plan and how to have the wedding… And so while it’s very embarressing (your situation) if they dont have it, they dont have it… Dont be in a bad relationship with the in-laws; that puts a strain on you and your fiance’s relationship. I agree to call the venue and see if you can set up an agreement with them… Or try to cut cost elsewhere… Maybe you dont have to have them extra flowers somewhere… Dont hate them at all… At least they did give you some 🙂
Post # 14
@Pretty_Chick: I am having a very simple two tier cake for $300. I dont think it will be much help. THis is why my level of frustration is realy high because if I were given enough notice? I could have fixed this and would have no choice but not to get mad and be sympathetic
Post # 15
Maybe suggest a big garage sale or something to get some extra funds quickly. If you get several family members to donate to one you can make some money to help cover it. I agree they shouldn’t have made promises they couldn’t keep.
Post # 16
I am very sorry you are going through this. I agree with the other comments. Definitely DO NOT uninvite guests.