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Nothing. It's not good manners to say anything, because they don't HAVE to give you a gift, even if they say they are going to. If you say anything it will come off as if you are just worried about getting presents.
I don't think you can say anything. We had the same thing happen here , I tend to think they just forgot. My sister got one of her gifts 3 years later. Don't dwell on it.
I think this is just a re-worded post regarding your same issue. I get that you might be mad, but no matter which way you state the situation, you probably still shouldn't say anything. The person may still be planning on giving you a gift. Technically, they do have a year.
Even if they don't give you a gift and never intended to, what do you hope to gain by saying something? Being rude isn't going to get you a gift. It's probably just going to offend them and potentially ruin the friendship. Is that really worth an extra place setting or fluffy new towels?
I just feel offended because we used to hang out with this couple a lot. I mean even a cheap vase would have sufficed.
I know it sucks to not get a gift, but sometimes there are other factors contributing to the situation. And even if there isn't, is no gift a big enough deal to let it affect your friendship? That's just something you have to consider in a situation like this.
So should we ignore it when we next see them. Because the couple just called yesterday.
Maybe they will bring you a gift next time you see them. You never know. If they don't, then yes, I would ignore it. Give them some time and be patient.
In all honesty, I *just* managed to get a gift off to my cousin who got married two months ago. Granted, I did not attend her wedding, but sometimes life gets in the way.
I think 'gifts' is your primary love language. For some it's more important than others---The 5 Love Languages is a great book to help you understand how different people show their love and feel loved in different ways.
I was just really upset because we did a lot for the girl that came to the bachelorette party. She stated that she had "no" money so we helped to subsidize the limo ride and strippers by paying for it. Then we ordered pizza for her late at night when she was hungry and said she had no money. I just feel offended but I guess I'll have to let it go if I still want to keep the relationship.
perhaps the couple was just waiting until you got back from your honeymoon or waiting until the time was right for them to purchase something for you? I wouldn't dwell on it - they made it to your wedding, right? That's a greater sign of friendship than giving you something.
I agree with PP, same post just different wording and I feel you are looking for a different response to justify your anger. I responded to your other post regarding this same subject, sorry no change. But no matter what, it will never be ok to be rude to anyone regarding gifts. LET IT GO and move on. There are more important things than gifts and as far as what you think someone makes is really none of your business and neither is their financial situation.
I really suggest you let it go, unless you want to ruin a friendship over it. They don't have to get you a gift and you can not ask them why they didn't. Plain and Simple.
I would just send them a thank-you card for attending your wedding and leave it at that. You never know someone else's personal financial situation (even if you are speculating) and in reality, even though it is commonplace, there is NO requirement to buy someone else a wedding gift. Plus to mention again makes you look greedy.
I agree with those who say don't mention it. It very well may come later, but it's not worth bringing up.
Honestly, I would call them and say 'hey we never received the gift you said you were sending, if you didn't that's OK but I wanted to make sure it didn't get lost'. I mean honestly. I may not be the most polite person in the world and I am totally OK with people not getting us anything (although I would never go to a wedding sans gift) but I think to come up to you and tell you 'we didn't get you a gift but don't worry we will' is like trying to unburden themselves with feeling bad, and instead saddle you with the feeling of being rude for now expecting it. It's total manipulation. If they were not planning on getting a gift, they shouldn't have said anything at all
Well we were opening cards at the table because the birdcage that we got was misplaced. That's when my husband's friend came up to explain that he didn't come with a gift and asked where we registered at.
I still think it was rude for him to tell you he didn't come with a gift. It's like, you probably wouldn't have even noticed that they didn't get you anything, but now that he brought it to your attention, it's aggrivating.
I would rather someone tell me they didn't bring a gift rather than try to sneak it by me. I think at the end of the day, they know you know that they didn't get a gift. And it sucks. They might not have the money and be embarrassed to give you a crappy gift. They might just be lazy. You just have to feel blessed that other people gave you something.
We had lots of people who haven't given us gifts. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't annoyed. I am annoyed. I think it is a crappy thing to do. But I have to remember that I didn't get married for the gifts....(although they are a nice perk.) I got married because I love my guy and want to spend the rest of my life with him. I had a wedding to share that love with my friends and family. I was able to do that, and some people brought gifts. Other's didn't. And those "others" will get theirs....maybe at a birthday...maybe at Christmas.....they might just get something stupid. =)
I was upset because we also treated the couple to the rehearsal dinner which consisted of a 10 course Chinese meal as well in addition to the wedding meal which cost $125 per plate. I mean I would have been happy with even a picture frame, but nothing. I guess I just feel insulted.
Do you think they may have done this because we're moving and we may never see them again?
It was your decision to invite them to your wedding, your decision to invite them to various parties and pay for meals etc for them. They don't HAVE to get you a gift in return - you invited them to join you. Giving gifts is optional, its not a requirement. Taxes are required, gifts are optional.
Just let it go. No matter what was said, gifts are optional. Don't dwell on it.
You're right. I do dwell and find it hard to forgive. I will eventually have to let it go.
I know you said you treated them to the dinners at the RD and the reception. But really, that's what you're supposed to do. That's standard. If you want to throw a party to have people celebrate your wedding, you pay for it. Not ask them to pay you.
It may be beside the point, but I'm not sure I like the sounds of opening weding gifts at the wedding. Has anyone else heard of this. I'm not trying to be mean. It's just that the situation with your friends is just the awkward situation i'd be leary of, if a bride and groom opened gifts at the reception. (What if someone thought it's be easier to bring it by after your honeymoon, rahter than lug it to the reception? Or what if they ordered something to be shipped, and it wsn't actually at the reception?) People could easily feel embarassed, and unecessarily so.
Also, it seems like a pretty standard line for her to say she doesn't have money. Is it possible money is tight? (Even if they make $100K a year?) Do you really know what they make and how their expenses shake out? And even if we can say they had plenty of money to spend, it sounds like with the excuses they provide to you, not getting a wedding gift from them shouldn't be a big surprise.
Perhaps they really are having financial troubles....I would let it go...though they may have a high income they may have a lot of debt and other things to take care of that take presidence (sp)...I know this is the case for me and my FI..we are both making a lot more money than we were two years ago and now anytime my siblings visit they expect us to treat for dinner. When we mention that we really don't have much extra they roll their eyes a bit thinking we are making it up. The truth is sometimes the more you make the more you spend and you are equally struggling to get by because of it.
Tanya123 - We started looking through some of the cards that were given through the advice of my cousin since our birdcage was missing and we wanted to make sure that we weren't missing any cards. We didn't announce to people what cards we got, we were just looking through them because one of the caterers took it away and it had a lot of money in it (since Asian people traditionally give large portions of money for weddings, not actual gifts).
Let it go; I have a cousin who does this a lot and being resentful doesn't help. Next thing you know, you'll be resentful of guests who didn't give you a gift worth their plate. And 100k a year income isn't always what you think...unless you make far less that is. Don't think they are loaded just because they each make 50k. 50k salary isn't that big of a deal in my opinion...
Nothing you can say, nothing you can do. You'll have to drop it.
I know where you are coming from, though. Maybe etiquette says that a gift is not required, or that you have a year to do it, but that's not the way that I see it. I don't show up at people's dinner parties empty-handed, and I wouldn't show up to a wedding without a gift. Do you have to give a gift? No. Is it impolite not to? I think so.
That said, if someone shows up to your house without a bottle of wine, or your wedding without a card, *you* become the rude one if you start harping on it or bringing it up to them. So file the information away, and if you get invited to his wedding in the future, don't get him a gift if you don't feel like it. Your presence is sufficient, right? ;) Otherwise, just let it go.
Our daughter was married 2 weeks ago & I'm very surprised that people can attend a wedding and not bring a gift. We would never think to do this. But I'm filing this away so that next time there is a graduation or wedding the checkbook stays put! "etiquette says that a gift is not required" thats not true it's just rude.
Must agree with Sparkle here. You invited them to the gatherings; you invited them to the dinners. You are the one who chose to spend soo much money on your guests. Seriously; it seems pretty rude to even bring it up. Go ahead feel offended by it; be upset about it; but think about how it's going to make you look before you start talking about it to other people. You may not really know their financial situation. Actually reading the posts of people being upset about not recieving a gift & being offended makes me laugh. I didn't realize people were actually that shallow. JMO
I understand why you're so annoyed. In part, it's kind of a hospitality thing. If I am invited to a person's home for dinner, I will bring a token something, even if it isn't much because it's the "polite" thing to do. In Asian traditions, there is something to being a good host as well as a good guest. Customs dictate the ettiquette, but sometimes, the spirit of it all is lost. Meaning, the whole idea of being a good guest and a good host is to make everyone feel good and appreciated when people get together. Not getting even a token gift is like saying they don't appreciate you for hosting the get-together. Also, a gift is kind of like them giving a souvenir of their blessing towards your marriage. They probably have an instinct for this sort of ettiquette and thought to say something about getting you a gift to stave off being rude should you notice there was not gift from them.
Anyways, I'm saying I understand why you feel so annoyed and if this good host/good guest custom is what you've grown up with, I think it's a natural reaction. However, in the end, it is a material thing, which means nothing when compared to all the fun you guys have had together. Don't read too much into it. I mean, what is done is done. You can't ask for the food and money back and it doesn't sound like you really want to ruin the relationship over material things.
Maybe at the heart of it isn't really the gift at all. Maybe you feel that this wedding business is just the latest in an uneven relationship? I'm not talking about money. I mean, do you feel that you've been really good to the friendship and they're not reciprocating?
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What would you say to a person that came up to you during the reception and admitted that they didn't give you a gift but said they would later and never did. How would you respond to that?
We have been friends with this person and his gf for over 4 years now and we've hung out with them many times. They even came to the bachelor/bachelorette party.
I'm sure that they make a combined income of around $100,000 a year.