No gift for the BMs/GMs???

posted 3 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: Am I being sensitive? Or is it not etiquette?
    She should have gotten you all something : (62 votes)
    29 %
    She could have at LEAST gotten a card : (85 votes)
    40 %
    Shut up, you're being a brat : (54 votes)
    25 %
    other : (11 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    7282 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I would say the bride assumed that you understood that the jewellery was your “gift”. There seems to be quite a few brides that think that props for their wedding are “gifts’ for their bridal party.

    Post # 4
    6812 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    She gave you a purse and jewelry for the wedding, I think that was the gift. Unfortunately, you don’t get to pick the gift that you get. Sorry. :/

    Post # 5
    3249 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Gifts shouldn’t be self serving.  If they could afford nothing else, a card would have been nice, at least.  This does seem a bit rude.

    Post # 6
    635 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @Liss13:  When I was a BM, I just received a gift without a card.  I figured the gift was the Thank You.

    Post # 7
    6812 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I’m confused, I thought you said there was a card that said “Please wear this” – was there a card or not?

    Post # 11
    347 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Honestly, I didn’t even know bridesmaids GOT gifts. I will be a bridesmaid for a close friend of mine. I will have easily spent close to $800 (travel, hotels, bridesmaid dress, gift, etc), and I expect nothing. I am there for her on her wedding day, and I honestly don’t expect anything out of it other than celebrating with her on her day.

    If you cared so much about the gift, maybe you shouldn’t have accepted to be her bridesmaid?

    Post # 12
    918 posts
    Busy bee

    The last time I was a bridesmaid, a thank you card and a gift were sent to me after the newlyweds got back from their honeymoon.  I wasn’t expecting a gift, so it was a nice surprise.

    Your gift and/or card could still be on its way.

    Post # 13
    7630 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Personally I don’t care about getting a BP gift, I just want a “thank you.” I agree with you, OP. I don’t think jewelry for the wedding is actually a gift. 

    Post # 14
    778 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @Liss13: The bag with the jewelry was your gift. One of my friends did exactly the same thing when I was in her wedding. I’ve seen it at other weddings too. I think a lot of brides do that nowadays, whether it is an ettiquette faux-pas or not. 

    Ultimately, though. ANY gifts (wedding, bridesmaid or otherwise) are technically not obligatory–so they shouldn’t be expected. So…while it would have been in better form for her to have done more for you (ie. gotten you a gift that wasn’t a prop for her wedding), you probably shouldn’t have expected anything either. 


    Post # 15
    8677 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I dunno, I think it’s in poor form to expect gifts, regardless of if you’re the bride or the bridesmaid.

    Post # 16
    2465 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

    I think it depends heavily on whether she has done something else for you.  For example,  we are paying for food and lodging for our bridal party for a WEEK so they can sightsee/enjoy the area.  I consider that their gift.  I will probably also buy the day of jewelry for the BMs, but that isn’t a gift.  Will I still thank each of them personally?  Absolutely. But I won’t necessarily buy a gift or card for them. I wrote them each a personal letter when we asked them to be involved.  

    Did she express her thanks verbally,  at least? I am not in board with the trend that something “required” (hair, makeup,  jewelry) is a gift. 

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