Post # 1
We were blessed by so many of our guests’ generosity with gifts. However, after writing all of our thank yous, we realized DH’s brother and wife didn’t get us anything…not even a card.
I know that weddings are not about gifts, and we knew to not expect gifts from several of DH’s friends because they honestly don’t don’t any better. However, not recieving a gift from DH’s brother and wife was a huge shock.
DH’s brother and wife are 5 years older than us, have been married for 7 years, and make 6 figures. DH and I have always bought their children gifts for birthdays, christmas, etc…even when we were poor college students who had no money. We didn’t have a bridal party, so they don’t have the excuse of having to fork out tons of money to be in the wedding. They also live in the same city, so they didn’t have to buy plane tickets, hotel rooms, etc.
We wrote them a “thanks for coming” card thinking that their gift may have gotten lost, they had forgotten, or they had wanted to give us their gift in person. However, we saw them this weekend and nothing was mentioned.
Did anyone else experience this? I know I shouldn’t be so upset about this, but it just seems so rude to me and kind of like a slap in the face.
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Post # 2
Soon_To_Be_Mrs_T: My advice to you would be to stop counting other peoples money. They don’t owe you anything, no matter how many gifts you buy them or their kids. Their six figures are really none of your business, just like their debts, responsibilities, and financial plans for the future. Plus you really don’t know if they have given significant contributions to your husband. Maybe they did forget, but you need to let it go.
My FI offers this (without my input or knowledge of my response)…It seems you should let it go. Maybe they gave your husband some money, or he owes them money. You might be opening the door to something you don’t want to know about your husband…like they paid off some gambling debt, or something like that. They came to see you get married. That’s what’s important.
There you go… A two for one.
Post # 3
I experienced the exact same thing and now BIL is getting married. It’s hard not to feel bitter about getting them a gift but we know it’s the right thing to do.
I totally get how you’re feeling though. Like, come on. the least he could have done was get a card.
Post # 4
I would be a bit annoyed to, but more by the lack of anything. Even if you are strapped for cash, you can still write a heartfelt note. But there is really nothing you can do except let it go, as PP’s have said.
Post # 5
My husband’s brother’s wife gave him a gift & not me. Like it was a card & check to him not the both of us! I despise her & always have & to be honest I’m not a fan of his brother either anymore. Him & I used to be close until the troll came along. It’s not the same thing that you experienced but it’s still an issue with them. Also, we gave them a lot of money for their wedding & my husband paid for a huge night out for his brother’s bachelor party. . .and they didn’t even come close to reciprocating. Last year for Christmas they gave us a $25 gift card to split. We got him a gift, her a gift, & them a gift to share. Ever since she came into the picture they’ve just become chappy people. Money isn’t the issue with them…they are just ‘takers & users’…
By the way, ignore the post from the first person that responded to you. I can’t stand the people that say crappie like that on here. Clearly your intentions weren’t to “count their money” & whatever else stupid she said!
I understand how you feel.
Post # 6
I agree that you should’ve at least got a card but I wouldn’t think too much about it. Was he a groomsmen/best man? I’m sure helping out with the wedding was gift enough? Maybe he didn’t think about it if he had to be there early to get ready and helped the night before or something. Just speculating.
Also, maybe they/he just doesn’t view gifts that way. A lot of people think their relationship with their siblings are close enough that cards, etc. aren’t necessary.
It would’ve been nice of them to have gotten you something but they didn’t so you have to let it go.
What they make has nothing to do with you and your wedding.
Post # 7
Peanut-Sue: Many people make the check out to the husband only because the wife will [most likely] be changing her last name and they want the couple to be able to cash it.
Post # 8
I agree, don’t count their money. If they have one dollar or fifty million, it’s none of your business and none of it is entitled to go to you.<br /><br />It sucks they didn’t gift you anything, but at the end of the day they’re not obligated to give you anything. We didn’t get anything from except a handful of people. None of our bridal party gave us anything. My SIL didn’t give us anything, neither did my brothers.<br /><br />Life is too short to dwell on things you cannot change.
Post # 9
playdohpants: that’s true….but she’s not that thoughtful of someone else. Plus the card said his name only too. If it was his brother that was given the responsibility to do it, it would’ve been to both of us. But they have separate accounts & the check & handwriting was from her. She’s way more vindictive than she is thoughtful of someone being able to cash a check. But you’re right about a lot of people writing the check itself to just the husband for reasons that you said.
Post # 10
Peanut-Sue: You despise her, your not fond of him, she’s a troll, you hate when people say crap like me, and what I said was stupid. Hmmm, looks like you are the one with the issues here.
Posting about them making 6 figures IS counting their money. It is in poor form to feel entitled to any part of it.
Soon_To_Be_Mrs_T: This is what you turn into when you don’t let it go. Don’t waste any more time being bothered by a missing gift. Get on with being happy.
Post # 11
Soon_To_Be_Mrs_T: If it bothers you, your husband should talk to his brother about it. It is possible their gift was lost. Or it is possible your husband never got them a wedding gift so the brother didn’t think he needed to. He doesn’t need to be aggressive, just something like, ‘If you don’t mind me asking, did you get us a wedding gift? It’s ok if you didn’t, I’m just wondering if something went wrong”.
Any other approach means you’re just guessing what happened.
Post # 12
Soon_To_Be_Mrs_T: Lots of people will tell you ‘they don’t owe you anything, weddings are not about gifts’ but in all honesty, them to not give their brother/in-law and his new wife anything is bizarre. I wouldn’t DREAM of going to someones wedding without a gift, let alone my siblings. I totally understand why you feel that way!
Post # 13
SherryBlossom78: I absolutely have issues with my husband’s brother & his wife because they are awful people…and you have NO CLUE what she has done to the family! But that has nothing to do with you attacking this girl because she was hurt by someone’s lack of thought & interest in their wedding & new life. It’s her husband’s brother. . .& that is hurtful. All she wanted to do was get it off her chest & talk about it with people who have gone through similar situations! And there comes you, grabbing a hold of words that she used and making each one a huge situation. . .just like you did with me! Saying that they make 6 figures doesn’t mean she’s counting their money. Obviously their income was revealed to her by someone else & she didn’t make it up, so no she isn’t counting their money. What she’s saying is that money isn’t an issue with them. But you’re so angry & argumentative that you’re creating something out of nothing. She didn’t ask for people to come on here & judge her…If you reread her post, she asked if anyone has gone through the same thing! So yeah what you said is stupid & argumentative! You’re obviously an unhappy person otherwise you wouldn’t have to come on weddingbee & tell people to get over their hurt feelings & imply that they can’t have their feelings.
Post # 14
Peanut-Sue: You are still proving my point…one post at a time. Let me show you how it’s done….this “getting over it” thing I’ve been referring to.
Post # 15
They are RUDE people, especially when you give to their kids– when you have kids are they going to just avoid your kids’ birthdays so they don’t have to give gifts then either? If they make 6 figures then they can buy their kids enough presents, you should just send (empty) cards for their birthdays.