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I know you're going to get a lot of "gifts are not required" responses, so I just wanted to chime in with "I'm there with you" (in thinking that they may not be required, but it's rude anyway). It sucks. I am pissed on your behalf.
Of course gifts aren't required....but I believe recognition for being included in such a special even IS. As in, bring a card or something at least, geez. I feel you!
LOL!!! We had 9 BMs and 8 GMs. Only 3 people gave us gifts. About 20% of the guests showed up sans gift and sans card...I mean very well to do people. My hubby's MENTOR didnt bother to bring a card. What can you do? I definitely understand your frustration, but your wedding was earlier this month and they may have had your gifts shipped. I just generally think that it doesnt occur to men to bring gifts. And the girlfriends/wives may have assumed their boyfriends took care of it. I know I have been to several events with hubby, assuming he sent the gift, only to find out later - to my great embarassment - that he did not (even though I HARASSED him about it! which is a whole different post)
I hate to one up you on the snarkiness, but after people dont being gifts to memorable events, I stop taking gifts to their events. I mean, why should i buy your kid christmas gifts and you RSVPd to my shower and then didnt show up. Petty much? I know...but Im offended and you have every right to be also. Just dont say anything to anyone about it. Vent on WB. I vented to a couple of friends and all the details got back to the people I was gossiping about.
Do people think they have a year to give a gift?
If you only got married this month, maybe they think they have a year to send it.
Just a thought. I don't agree with that philosophy (just like you don't really have a year to send thank you notes, you should send them ASAP).
we had so many people not give us either, which I guess is surprising. honestly I think most people mean to get around to it and I bet a few just end up forgetting. Try not to let it fester or it will interfere with your relationships which would be a real shame!
I'm kind of dreading this myself. Our wedding is in 12 days and yes, we did the unthinkable. We registered for CASH (we really don't need home goods). I'm sure those who feel it's against their duty as capitolistic Americans not to give you something from the Macy's Wedding registry, will just give us NOTHING because they are cheap. It sucks. You have every right to be a little bitter.
I've been in two weddings in the past two weeks and can honestly say that sometimes there is soooo much going on that you either don't have the time, it slips your mind, or you forget it at the house.
Unfortunately, sometimes that means putting it off inevitably. But I agree - if you were important enough for someone to ask to be a part of your wedding (or attend) then it would mean a lot to have something.
That's totally rude...and frustrating.
But don't feel too bad. We paid for my mother in law, her husband and her son to go to our wedding (we had a destination wedding) from the bay area and you know what we got? NOTHING!!!!!!! No card, no nothing.
Thank you for all your kind posts 
Although I acknowlege that people have some amount of time after the wedding to give a gift/card I suspect that if a person can't motivate before the wedding when it's fresher in their mind it's unlikely that they will manage to remember weeks and months later. I'll keep you posted if I'm pleasantly surprised.
p.s. All of the thank you notes will be going out this weekend so that is the upside...
Girlie - that is really awful! Everyone has a random piece of paper and pen that can be used for a thoughtful note - which is what I cross my fingers that the best man and groomsman will do for my husband
That stinks. When I'm frustrated over something like that I make sure to send a thank you. It makes me feel a little better inside to write a "Thank you for coming" note knowing that at least I took the time to do that. Maybe it'll give them a kick in the butt on that wedding card.
Just a thought!
one other thought = one of my husband's groomsmen didn't send a card or a gift - but that was apparently because he wanted to think up a really great gift, and it ended up just taking awhile. Same with my MOH. Honestly it didn't bother me at all because these people had done so much already to just be in our wedding and there was no doubt in my mind what great friends they were! I know it isn't hard to send a card , but then again, its so easy to think you are going to do it and then, well, just forget. And guys especially just don't think about this stuff, I would try not to focus on it too much!
ugh i can't understand that type of behavior. i was pleasantly surprised...had my engagement party this past sunday and every single one of my fiance's college aged buddies brought us a gift or money (though we never expected it!!). how do people in their early 20s have more sense to not show up empty handed to an e-party, but MDs can't manage to bring something to a wedding??
It's totally rude. We had a good amount of people do this to us, too. One of my hubby's GM (and like best friend) said that we must still be getting gifts huh? And I said "I don't know..." (Awkward b/c they didn't give us anything!) and he said, well, we still didn't get you anything, so you must not be done." I didn't know what to say. I think some people really do go by the 1-year policy, which I think is odd. And I also had some friends- one of my BEST friends in fact- not give us anything. Not even a card. I never in a million years would have thought that would happen. Then there are the people who promise you your presents and never send them. Also very odd. People are strange!!
The place I can relate most to you in terms of frustration though is in having recently given them gifts. Not that you have to be exact with things, but we have been to about 10-15 of our friends weddings in the past few years, given gifts on time at all of them, and not to mention I have been to like 6 baby showers in the past year. At our shower, 4 of the women whose baby shower I have been to and spent $75-$100 at EACH got together and gave us a pot. Yeah, it was about $150 or so, but divided by 4 that is only $37 each. Not to mention it being a joint gift just seemed like no one put any effort into it but the one who purchased it. I was just shocked that I'd been so generous and then they did that. How is that okay? I wish I had some great advice but all I can say is I feel your pain!!
Yes, I know people will give you the gifts aren't required bit... but people, at least bring a card! I mean c'mon. Even for those who aren't in a financial position to bring any gift at all, they should express their sentiment in a card. FI and I sent a card expressing our well wishes to his cousin who he barely knows and never sees who invited us to her wedding (which we were later told through the grapevine, was mainly to get a gift out of everybody she could regardless of whether or not her parents could afford to pay for all of those people to attend). Sorry that they didn't bother to send gifts! That is certainly crummy! Did your husband say anything about it to you? Is he upset? I wonder how differently he will treat them after that. We shall see...
-Bella
And ya know...on a single parent teachers salary with no child support...I make an effort to give SOMETHING-very modest usually, but it is thoughtful and I take the time to do it. Not to be rude or crass here, but I think some people are just lazy (and cheap!) My favorite really modest gift to give is a Yankee Candle. At my most absolute broke point, they are around $20-30 and smell lovely.
Yes- it's the thought that counts. And no card even means no thought. That's what is most irritating - and what irritated me most about the people who split their gift- only the one person bought the card- signed all their names- and picked out the gift. On the heels of having just given them a gift yourself, that you picked out with care, it's extra irritating. Also I forgot to mention we had a lot of people get us very inexpensive items- a children's book about love, for example- and those were equally great. It's just rude to be a guest and do nada.
Wow, I am in the same boat. We got married a week ago and had an amazing time and are so grateful to everyone who came and added joy to our day. But...going through my list I am so surprised to see the people who have not given us gifts or cards. One of my MOH's, two of my bridesmaids...two of his groomsmen...I totally understand with one of them because she is struggling financially so I do not expect anything. But my MOH and her husband are doing very well I am shocked that she did not get me a gift. Not to mention that two of my bridesmaids who did not give me gifts did not reimburse me the $375 for their bridesmaid dresses. Sigh. I totally can't ask now. I'll just have to eat it!
I guess I'm just surprised. I figured that people would at least get you a card or give you a check for $25 or something...but nothing? It's tough. I just feel like...it's so rude! Anyway I feel your pain. It's difficult, especially when you see other guests who are not necessarily in great financial shape being very generous. But like several people said, it's important not to let this stuff fester...but it should be a hoot to write some of these people thank you cards...especially people who just attended and were not in the bridal party and did not give gifts. I guess you just thank them for being there, which is fine. But I think you all know what I mean. :o)
Wow I'd feel the same way! Since I turned 18 I have never showed up at a wedding without at least a card and a check. Even when it was a family wedding I was attending with my parents and I was a broke college student... I STILL mustered up $20 to give. That's just nuts.
Yeah, I definitely feel you. And it's NOT AT ALL about the gift itself, but the lack thought and respect and what that "lack of gift" represents (at least in my mind).
We were just married less than a month ago. We got 6 1/2 gifts TOTAL. Yeah.....really. I say 6 1/2 because I still have a hard time counting one of them as a gift. A really good couple friend of ours didn't send a gift prior to the wedding, came to the wedding empty handed, wined and dined themselves at 2 receptions (we had an afternoon wedding reception and a later dinner reception) and THEN.......late that evening as we were heading back to our hotel, they came up to us on the street with a gift shop purchase stuffed into a brown paper bag......literally, a brown paper bag. My husband suggested that the husband probably felt bad because they hadn't given us anything and figured that they should pop into the gift shop across the street from where we were staying. I mean, c'mon. I don't want to sound snarky, but these are people that we spare no expense for, socialize with often, and they're better off financially than we are! And again, it's not really about the gift, but that we are thought of with such little regard.
That would really piss me off. Correction, that WILL really piss me off because I know that this is going to happen to us. My friends all think the "you have a year" rule is true and are just generally inconsiderate when it comes to this kind of stuff. Clearly they were nover taught proper etiquette - not just wedding-related, either. So aggravating. I'm going to keep an extra special eye out for the ones whose weddings I've gone to who I got gifts for - and always before the wedding, mind you.
And IMO, honestly, I think a gift is required. I might take s**t for that but I don't care. I would never attend a wedding without giving a gift - however small. I just think it's rude to attend an event where you are being fed and boozed and not give anything in return for that hospitality, not to mention to wish the couple well in their new life together.
My brother and his wife got gifts 3 months after the wedding so maybe they'll come through. If not that totally stinks when you've gone out of your way for them through the years. I probably would quit bringing gifts to their events especially if once you have kids and they don't do for you again!
I'm sorry, that is never fun to just be completely unacknowledged like that. No gift is one thing, but no well wishes either! Hmph! On the other hand, one time FI was a groomsman in a wedding and we completely left the gift and card at home (The wedding was out of town). We didn't have their address so couldn't get in touch with them until they were back from their honeymoon, so by the time we managed to send them their gift and card it had probably been three weeks! So it could still be coming :)
I'm hoping they just forgot. A card is not too hard to do, I know gifts aren't required but c'mon people! Sorry to hear that. Hopefully none of them read your post 
!
Glad to hear I am not alone in this! Hubby thinks I am crazy for lamenting over not even getting a card from at least a quarter of our guests (including 1 BM, 2GM AND the best man!) Yes, no gifts are required but a card is thoughtful. I know old school says guests have up to a year to give a gift but another friend who was married 3 weeks before us just shared with me that her registry consultant said that people will buy gifts the week of the wedding and the week after and then pretty much nothing...and I have to be honest, that's the pattern I've seen. We have received two to three gifts since the wedding and it's tapered off.
I just think a card would be nice (and thoughtful), that's all!
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I realize that there are several posts already addressing this issue so mine is more a vent than anything. So we are dealing with the reality that my the majority (5 couples) of my husbands friends from college (all of which have remained in close contact over the year and all of which had out of town, out of state and out of country (e.g. south america) weddings which we attended and brought a gift to) didn't even bother to give us a gift for our wedding. Did I mention that this includes the best man and another groomsman? Did I also make a note that all 5 couples are double income and in most cases include at least one doctor (in some cases both the husband and wife are MDs). I know that the economy is tough all around but these same people continue to travel internationally for vacations, go on weekend getaways, attend sold-out concerts, eat at the chefs table, collect wine, etc...and also send us invitations to their kids birthdays (yes, please bring present).
I realize that a gift is not required but I think that it's insulting that these people couldn't even muster enough energy to buy a card. The next event that the group will be at is in a few days and I'm now having difficulty being around these people (it probably helps that they were originally my husband's friends so I feel entitled to be ticked off at them on husband's behalf because he doesn't deserve this kind of treatment).
Any with the same issue? How did you move past this kind of insensitivity?
p.s. apologies if this meets the WeddingBee criteria for "snarkiness"