(Closed) No gift, No card,..what’s the etiquette?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

I would. They do have a full year (suppsedly) to give a gift.

Post # 4
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think a thank you for attending is in order. 

Post # 5
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Personally I chose to send them one.  While I would have liked to have a card from everyone to put in my album, I still have the memories of them there helping to celebrate our day!  🙂  I just wrote something simple like this:

“Thank you so much for being a part of our special day.  It meant the world to us to have you there!”

Post # 6
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Same thing happened to us. I sent a “thank you for attending”. I really wanted to send nothing but I took the high road.

Post # 7
1696 posts
Bumble bee

Proper etiquette is that you send thank-you notes for any gifts that you receive, and send them promptly upon receiving them — ideally, the same day, since properly they are sent to your house in the weeks leading up to the wedding. Naturally, if people bring them to the wedding itself, you cannot be expected to write any thank-you notes until after you return from your honeymoon, and if there are a great many that came that way it is natural that it may take a couple of weeks to respond to all of them.

Thank-you notes just for the party itself are supposed to flow in the other direction. A good guest is supposed to send a thank-you note to his hostess on the day after he has been received to dinner or any other substantial entertainment.

Of course, you may always send polite. friendly social notes to anyone you are acquainted with, so there is nothing wrong with sending a note to these people. Simply avoid any hint that you had expected a gift from them, since they are in fact under no obligation. And if you do not want to send a note, you are certainly under no obligation, either.


Post # 8
14498 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I sent them to everyone who attended.  I really appreciated everyone who braved the crazy trafic, the flood waters, and the short invitation time to attend.

Post # 9
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It’s always possible that their gift got stolen! So sending a card without mentioning the gift is nice, cuz then they could be like, “hey, so you never got our gift?”

Post # 10
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think a “Thank your for attending” is that way to go!!

Post # 11
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m going against the majority here – I don’t plan on sending thank you’s to guests who attend without a gift or a card.  I’m already supplying a meal, drinks and entertainment, plus we will go around and talk with everyone in person at the reception (and thank them for coming).  I’m reserving the actual thank you cards for people who give cards or gifts.

Post # 12
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@milesbella: We also only sent thank you notes to those who gave a gift or card. Our thank you notes were also our Christmas cards, so those who didn’t give a gift or card just got the standard happy holidays.

Post # 13
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

@milesbella: yes i agree.  a thank you note is for the gift.  my gratitude for their attendance is in the form of the meal, drinks, and good times.

Post # 14
8 posts
  • Wedding: September 2012

You don’t invite a guest to a wedding because you want a gift from them.  You invite a guest because you want them to celebrate YOUR day with you.  I think sending everyone a note to thank them for sharing your day with you is the way to go.  I don’t care about etiquiette.  Our economy sucks right now and you should be greatful that your guests were able to attend, regardless on whether or not they gave you a gift.

Post # 15
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m probably going to send thank you notes to everyone, but then again we’ll have a lot of people that are traveling (even if it’s a short distance).  However, I think I’ve read on the ‘bee that it’s considered “rude” to send thank you notes to guests who did not bring a gift, because it comes off as gift-grabby.

Post # 16
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Meowkers:  THIS.

I felt that thanking people for attending came in the form of me thanking them in person, food, and drinks for the night.  Gifts were not expected and when given, the gift-givers received a thank you note within 2 weeks.  


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