Post # 1
My husband and I were married last June. We didn’t invite too many people to the wedding – mostly family and a few friends -there were about 50 people in total. Eight of the people that we invited were from the same family (my aunt, uncle, cousins and two of their spouses). (For those counting, that’s 15% of our guests). Only six of them ended up attending the wedding – my cousin and her husband didn’t show up and never offered an explanation. I wasn’t that upset about her not showing up, although I felt she could’ve emailed or phoned, even Facebook messaged me! To this day she still hasn’t. Here’s the thing that’s really been bothering me, though… not one of them has given us a gift. Not even a card. I understand that it’s not always within people’s means to purchase a gift, but to not even give a card with your written well wishes written in it? I can’t fathom it. I thought perhaps maybe there had been a card that had been misplaced so I talked to my mom (it’s her brother and his family) about it and she spoke with my aunt in October. My aunt acknowledged that she hadn’t given us a gift but said that she had plans to give us something at Christmas. Christmas came and went and still nothing arrived. And still not a card or anything from my adult cousins.
Am I wrong to be so upset about this? Again, I know that not everyone can afford a gift (although there are fairly well off from what I know) but to not even give a card? Isn’t that just wrong? And it’s not like it was just my aunt and uncle, or just one cousin that didn’t give us something – it was the entire family! The kids are all grown up, living in their own homes. For some reason I can’t let this go. I don’t live in the same part of the country as them so I don’t see them very often at the moment, but we’ve always been close.
Should I say something? Drop it? At this point I’m just so angry.
Post # 3
I think you just need to let it go. I had a few family members who never acknowledged my wedding either (including a cousin who is only a year older than I am). There really isn’t anything you can say to them without sounding petty and like you are after a present or compliments.
Post # 4
i say drop it…its been a while now..
Post # 5
It’s been 9 months. Gotta let it go!
Post # 6
I would be angry too. I think it’s rude to not at the very least give a card. I wouldn’t bother saying anything, I don’t really think it’s something you should confront someone about. Just try to let it go and chalk it up to people having poor manners.
Post # 7
i’m going through the same thing… no gift or card from family (who i’m sure has some money because my dad just loaned them a bunch for no real reason).
on the outside, i’m letting it go. i’ll be nice to them when i see them. on the inside, it will take a little longer to forgive.
Post # 8
It’s definitely rude, but time to let it go.
Post # 9
I agree with MissAsB—unfortunately, there’s not really anything you can do because if you did ask for even a card it would look strange—even though their behavior is also strange to me.
Really, etiquette (which I don’t always agree with but I do in this case) says a guest attending a wedding does not technically have to give you a gift but it is appreciated and a nice thing to do since it’s a big moment in your lives and a celebratory event like birthdays. A friend of mine always says she gives a gift large enough to cover the cost of the meal she is given at the wedding–nice thought! I think if anything they could have managed a card! Personally, even if I can’t go to a wedding I like to send a gift because, well, I love to give gifts. Some people are just odd and I would just pack it up and let it go because if you don’t, it will look like you are being a gift grabber. As for the whole family not getting you a gift–in that group of people–maybe someone else in the family thought a gift was given? Probably not, but that’s the only explaination I can think of.
Post # 10
Yeah, I agree with the others, unfortunately there isn’t much you can do about it now. It definitely sucks and it would be interesting to hear their reasoning, but you’ll have to let it go. Sorry to hear that happened!
Post # 11
I get why you’re upset but I agree, you have to try to get past it. I think its so wrong of anyone, especially a family member to not at least send a card, but I guess you can’t expect everyone to understand.
Post # 13
It does stink that they didn’t give a simple best of luck, but some people just get so wound up in their lives they forget these things.
Like the other’s said just let it go
Post # 14
Thanks, everyone. I’m trying to let it go and I realize now that I think about it that there are other things going on with this part of my family that bother me. Ever since I’ve been an adult I’ve given gifts at Christmas to my aunts and uncles – it’s my choice and I don’t think anyone expects it, but I like to do it. This aunt and uncle stopped giving me anything (again, even a card) the minute I turned 16. I continued for a few years giving them gifts for Christmas, but when I realized that not only were they not spreading the Christmas cheer by way of a card or whatnot, they weren’t even thanking me for the gifts, that I should stop giving them anything. I was probably stupid to invite them to our wedding in the first place. They didn’t even congratulate us – just told us how good the food and reception was. So frustrating. I will have to let it go and reevaluate my relationship with that part of my family.
Post # 15
@hedgehog – your family sound like a bunch of mean little moochers! send all the gifts you’d buy them to charity or someone that you know would appreciate them.
Post # 16
I agree it’s gotta be irritating. But as far as should you say anything? absolutly not. It’s equally rude to ask about it or confront them about it. I’d say just let it go; & when weddings for their kids come around; remember that you only NEED to give a card. Because that is what you are saying you think they @ least could have done. As for excuses; The only thing i can think of is that the kids assumed that their MOM (your aunt) would have covered the gift. (I know my mom does that sometimes enless I tell her we’ve covered it) I say forget it & just re-evaluate your gift giving for their family if you feel the need to.