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you don't. The best you can do is to spread the word through your close friends/family.
Honeymoon registry. Spread the word. Just know your circle and do what you feel is most polite. In NYC, I have never brought a physical gift to a wedding. Always cash.
We have a *gasp* sort of cash registry plus a bed bath and beyond registry. The feedback has been all positive. Frankly, they were going to give checks, this makes it easier. But, we're not traditional folks and our families are from old school, so it's working for us. I just don't see why someone would want to spend money on a gift we won't use. That's such a waste. But, I understand some people don't consider cash registries tasteful.
use www.depositagift. it's a cash registry done in a really classy way. still looks/works like a regular registry but allows you to list out what you want money for and allow people to contribute. ours is sort of a hybrid honeymoon/furniture registry and it is working great. people get it that we could never register for these things in a store and it makes it easier for everyone.
You could try Traveler's Joy. We used it for our honeymoon expenses and they simply send you the money when you want it, in check form. People can go on and spend what they want on some part of your honeymoon like a dinner or an adventure or drinks or whatever...and then it comes to you as cash money!
I'm not sure if that would be deceptive or not, depending on whether or not you're going on a honeymoon...
Good luck!
Ok, we are using this site http://www.thehoneymoon.com/partners/home/balboa (i dont know if there are others like this out there, I work at a travel agency and they set this up) for a Honeymoon registry. Heres how it works, you put in were you are going to your honeymoon, it will then automatically put in activities to do at that destination (like dinner on the beach or horseback riding) you can change anything thats on there, so if you dont like horseback riding and you dont think you are going to be doing that on your honeymoon, delete it and put something else that you may actually do... There is even an option to put in 'Spending money' your whole registry can be just that, for whatever amount you want... You give each thing a $ amount and how many and put it in or on your invitations like you would a normal registry. Your guests can go on the site and use a CC to contribute money to your honeymoon activities. Then the week before your wedding you get a check of everything that was contibuted to your honeymoon registry, they keep it open for 3 months after your wedding date and send a secound check of anything else that was contributed to your honeymoon registry... So you are saying its for your honeymoon but you dont have to necessarily do these things on your honeymoon. (but FYI: if you put 'Romantic Dinner on the Beach' and someone contribute to that, when you get back they may ask you "How was your dinner on the beach we got you?" so if you dont actually do it, you might be in a little of a strange position trying to explain...) Hope that helps ya, FYI the site goes through everything step by step, it is really easy to set up.
We aren't having a registry, but we're letting people know through word-of-mouth (rather than directly asking for money). I've lived on my own for years, and I've been living with FI for a while now. We already have pretty much everything we need.
I even tried setting up a registry, but I could only think of five things we need/want.
Plus, we are renting right now, and it was a nightmare getting the stuff we have NOW here. I really don't want to have any more stuff to move lol.
I'm sure some people will give gifts anyway, but I'm sure they will be heartfelt and welcome. :) Good luck to you!
You don't because there is no polite way to ask for cash. Any gifts you do receive, accept graciously with prompt thank you notes. On the same token, honeymoon registries are considered the same as cash registries: don't do them unless you seriously want to offend guests and have them cut off all ties with you.
You could do a honeymoon or down payment registry, but I would recommend still doing at least a small traditional registry. A lot of guests are offended by the idea of honeymoon registries and will end up buying you something for your home anyway, which will probably be something you don't want or need. Someone bought us a 105 year old silver ladle. Seriously, what are we going to do with that?
@hamstergirl: well hello fellow passenger, we're in the same boat. haha I'm sure you've gathered by now that there is no polite way to "ask" for money, and that the best you can do is do a cash/honeymoon registry and try to spread the word through family members. We're hoping everyone can take a hint that if we're having a very tiny wedding, are not buying a house, and do not have a macy's registry that we could probably use the cash.
Granted, people that refuse to give cash will still gift you something. However I do not recommend making a small registry "just to make people happy" because people that are going to buy you something anyway are the same people that are going to buy what they want despite any sort of traditional registry. So, stick to your guns and spread the word- best of luck to you! People are going to do what they want- you don't have to register for things you don't want.
We didn't need a lot of stuff. What we did was not register for much, didn't have a shower, and had people say that cash would be the best gift if someone asked us.
We didn't register for stuff we didn't need just because we "needed" to register. Yes, there are things that we "need" (new sheets, towels) and want (wine cooler with two temperature zones) but we didnt register for random crap. We actually didn't register for as many gifts as we are "supposed to" in the hopes that people will get the hint.
@Ember78: Totally correct! There's no polite way to ask for money. It's incredibly rude even if it's masked with honeymoon registries or websites that facilitate cash gifts. If you want cash, sit outside your reception with a cup jingling full of change because asking directly for cash, even if by word of mouth, is the equivalent.
Congrats and YAY we have the same wedding date.
We are a combined household already and don't really have a need for a registry. There are lots of cute websites out there that offer "wishing well" poems. Its great to put in as an insert in the invite or place on your wedding website. We have set up a wedding website to save paper (and postage) on our invites and have one of the tabs labelled "wishing well" I just picked a poem I found and liked and personalized it a little. If either way isn't viable, word of mouth works.
You know, if asking for money as a wedding gift will cause a person to never speak to me again and cut all ties, there are definitely some people I'm going to bring that up with.
Although there's the danger they'll come to the wedding. Hm. This could backfire.
It's interesting to see the mix of replies on questions like this. The whole cash-vs-gifts-debate (and spinoffs) has me thinking quite a bit - mostly about why people give gifts and the expectations of what they might receive in return from the wedding experience (or in terms of grattitude). I'm tempted to elaborate in a rant, but I dont really see it being productive.
In reality... people give gifts because they want to, and I think most people would prefer to give a gift that a couple can use.
OP, I think word of mouth or an online registry is fine. The latter is growing more common, and if someone is going to get bent out of shape... well, that's a shame that they'll let something like that interfere with sharing this important time in your life..
@singasong: ilu.Totally agreed.
Honestly, if you're getting married and want cash THAT BADLY, just charge a cover for your wedding.
Just sayin'.
I'm amazed how it's so inappropiate to suggest you would like money instead of gifts in the U.S. That's okay, I understand it's your etiquette, it's not about the cash/ gifts, it's about the wedding. But in other topics there are statements like: 'how rude, I got only 7 cards, no gifts etc. etc. Soo the expectations are there ...
We don't have a registry for gifts and no asking for money. We have all the supplies we need. And me and future husband make a good earning with our jobs.
We did include a suggestion to donate money to a local animalshelter (for retired horses, and dogs and cats who can't be replaced).
It's so much easier to be to the point with your wishes and for your quest to have an idea what to get you if they choose to bring something... because it's just a suggestion. Nothing more, nothing less.
If anyone on our guest list is so pretentious that they cut all ties with us because we have a honeymoon registry, then I am so glad they won't be at our wedding! I don't need friends like that.
Seriously, I think the boundaries on what is acceptable when "asking" for gifts (because that what ANY registry is) are ridiculous. If you are okay with me telling you I need 600 thread count sheets (in sage), why are you not okay with me telling you I need cash for a down payment on a house, or that I would prefer an specific experience on my honeymoon over a new set of pots and pans?
That being said, I think there are more acceptable WAYS to ask for something. An online registry would be a lot better than putting a note in with your invitations, just like you wouldn't cut out a picture of those sage sheets and stick it in the envelope. I hadn't heard of a lot of the online options above, but some of them sound perfect for what you're looking for.
Get a registry at BBB. You can return everything on the registry for cash. Just register for stuff that won't be missed when the giver visits your house (like pot racks, unique items).
I don't think you can. My sister registered for a bunch of stuff at Wal Mart, and then returned it for store credit that she used for the next couple months' groceries. I thought it was a little tacky, but I gotta say, it's much less tacky than sticking a little "Plz bring cash kthx." card in the invitation.
@baliahi1029: Agreed!! To me, any registry is asking politely for money. Everyone has different tastes and is in diffferent points in their life. No one is forcing the guests to participate. To be honest, I rather give cash then pay 50 bucks for 2 nice looking plates at Bed Bath and Beyond. Not knocking it. Just not a need in my life.
@Melie12: I totally agree! This is one etiquitte rule I'd love to see go away. Seems that it only stands here in the good ol U.S. It's okay to ask for expensive China.. but rude to ask for money towards a downpayment on a house?? Really. Okay. LoL.. sooo dumb. That's just how I feel about it.
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The truth is we really do not need any "stuff" for our home and the best gift we could receive would be money to help pay for the cost of the wedding, (we are paying for about 75% of it.)
Is there any way to politely ask for the gift of money instead of items for our home? I don't even know if this is possible!