Post # 1
Hi all. I know a lot of brides on here are 2nd-timers and I am probably going to offend but if I was invited to someone’s first wedding and second wedding, I would not bring a gift the second time around..especially if they registered. I feel like the most I should give would be a card with a donation or small gift card in it or something. I don’t disagree with 2nd marriages; I think it’s lovely that you’re able to celebrate your love and union..again (s*** happens!)..but some people are having 3rd, 4th, and 5th weddings and it’s getting a little out of control. Just when does the gift madness end? I would want to come to have fun and support them because if I was invited, I would obviously mean something to the couple but just how many towel sets does one need? After receiving all these amazing gifts so far for my 1st wedding, I would feel terribly guilty and awkward if I were to receive them all again from the same people 10 years later.
So if YOU are a 2nd time bride (or more) what do you expect to get on your wedding day? Did you register? Am I wrong/old-fashioned for feeling this way?
If you were/are a GUEST to a 2nd time wedding, would you give a gift that was the same value the 1st time around? Not at all? Best wishes only?
Edit: I would like to add that I do NOT disagree with 2nd marriages. My parents are both divorcees and have been married now for 20-some years. It DOES work, all the time. I guess my point was that elaborate 2nd weddings seem like another gift-grab. I do appreciate all of your opinions though–definitely getting a different perspective.
Post # 3
I would still give a gift regardless. Maybe not the traditional house-stocking stuff as the couple are not as likely to be starting from scratch on setting up home, but a normal value gift. Personally I think every wedding shoud be seen as special in tis own right.
Post # 4
I’d still give them a gift if it was their 2nd wedding. IMO so what if you gave them towels 10 years ago- towels wear out & I’d assume that if they divorced they no longer had the towels. I don’t usually give gifts at a wedding- I give a card & either a check or a visa giftcard.
Post # 5
I’d give them a gift regardless if it was the 1st, 2nd, or 20th wedding. IMO, it’s rude to show up to a wedding without a gift.
Post # 6
I’d give a gift just as if it were a first wedding.
Post # 7
I’d give a gift, but maybe not a traditional gift. I would probably give some money & a nice bottle of wine or something. Maybe tickets to a show or a GC to a restaurant. Presumably, they’re more established than a couple on their first marriage, so it would feel weird to me to give towels or china.
I’m not offended when second time couples register. The only time I’d be offended is if they do the same things that offend me with a first time couple: ask for money, list registry on the invitation, etc. A registry doesn’t mean a gun is held to my head making me buy off it. If they need new towels, they need new towels. Besides, maybe one of the two is on his/her first wedding, and I think everyone should get to experience all the traditional wedding stuff (registering included) if they wish.
Post # 8
I would give a gift no matter what. I’ve been invited to someone’s 5th wedding (and all the ones before it). I gave a gift. But I know that they didn’t want gifts and didn’t register. I just think it’s polite to give a gift, I mean they are still paying money to host and feed everyone.
Post # 9
I can only speak as a guest – and I think there would be lots of other factors coming into play. Is it a second marriage for both the bride and groom, or just one or the other? Which do I know, and how closely, etc? How long ago was it (as my financial circumstances could have changed drastically in-between, too)?
I don’t believe in coming empty-handed as a guest (at weddings or in general) – so I would give the happy couple something. Particularly if it is the groom’s second marriage, but the brides first, I would be more inclined to go off the registry.
Post # 10
i’d give a gift, just because their first marriage didn’t work out, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t get a gift this time. the ONLY time i wouldn’t give a gift for a second wedding, is if they got married to each other for the second time (ie. a renewal of vows), and even then i might give something small
Post # 11
Yeah, I’d never show up at a wedding without a gift, no matter how many times I saw them get married previously.
Post # 12
I’m a second time bride and don’t expect gifts from anyone, but I especially don’t expect gifts from people who went to my first wedding…though it is kind of sucky for my Fiance, since it’s his first wedding.
As for being awkward receiving them the second time around, well…my situation is weird, but my ex spitefully broke a bunch of the “first” gifts and threw out a bunch that couldn’t be broken before he left. So I still need to buy them again when I can afford it, and keeping track on a registry makes it really easy and you get the registry benefits. Also, for half the guests it’ll be a first wedding anyway so I don’t feel bad about using a registry. IMO, as long as one guest there wants to buy a gift in their price range and they want to use a registry to pick it, a registry is just fine and it’s no different than a first wedding in that regard.
Post # 13
@HappierKate: Wow…what a horrible thing your ex did. What a shame he couldn’t be mature about the situation.
I would give another gift. I think there are so many circumstances where a marriage doesn’t work out and you have no idea what happened behind closed doors. Or…for instance, I have a good friend who got re-married after her husband was killed in Iraq. Technically, it was her second marriage, but it wasn’t by choice that her first ended.
Post # 14
I’m an encore bride and I don’t expect gifts (and I didn’t expect them in my previous wedding either). But I do think that it’s pretty judgmental of you not to value the second marriage as much as the first. In my situation, my first marriage was a short-lived mistake and I deeply regret it. Now I’ve found the love of my life and it’s a completely different situation from previously. I would feel heartbroken if someone felt the way you did–oh, I’ll come to your wedding and party and celebrate, but I don’t feel it’s worth a gift. If you feel that way then you shouldn’t attend, IMO.
Post # 15
@littlelucygoose: I’m confused. Do you mean a 2nd wedding, as in one (or both) are divorced and are marrying again OR that the couple has been married and are now exchanging vows again and are throwing a big party?
If it’s the first example, I would give again if I wanted to. I would assume that I would want to because I cared enough about the person/peopel and was involved in their life/lives through both marriages.
If it’s a vow renewal, I would probably bring something that was the equal to a housewarming or dinner party gift- something to thank them for their hospitality but not as big as wedding present.
Post # 16
Yeah, I’m a little offended- and we’re not even registering for various reasons, we’ll be doing a donation. Gifts for 3rd and 4th weddings? Maybe not, but a 2nd? Don’t be judgy. This will be my second wedding, and a few *very,very* close friends will be invited to this one that were also at the last one. If I felt like they thought this wedding wasn’t as “legit,” or whatever as the last one, they wouldn’t be coming. What about people who have multiple baby showers for multiple kids? Or people who have a birthday party every year- you know, the kind they invite you to because they really enjoy your presence, not your presents?
Also- did you think about the fact that the bride (or groom) is PAYING for your food and booze for a second time, too? IMO, if you feel like this marriage doesn’t deserve the same recognition you gave the last, you should politely decline the invitation.
I truly hope your first husband is your only, and that everything works out perfectly. Just keep in mind that everyone isn’t so lucky.
I’ll stop before I make this conversation unproductive.