(Closed) No gift to a 2nd wedding, would I be the only one?

posted 6 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: What gift do you bring for 2nd+ weddings?
    Nothing--best wishes only. : (26 votes)
    12 %
    Cash : (87 votes)
    39 %
    Registry / Tangible Item : (98 votes)
    44 %
    Other : (13 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    1315 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I would still give a gift regardless. Maybe not the traditional house-stocking stuff as the couple are not as likely to be starting from scratch on setting up home, but a normal value gift. Personally I think every wedding shoud be seen as special in tis own right.

    Post # 4
    662 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I’d still give them a gift if it was their 2nd wedding. IMO so what if you gave them towels 10 years ago- towels wear out & I’d assume that if they divorced they no longer had the towels. I don’t usually give gifts at a wedding- I give a card & either a check or a visa giftcard.  

    Post # 5
    12905 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’d give them a gift regardless if it was the 1st, 2nd, or 20th wedding.  IMO, it’s rude to show up to a wedding without a gift.

    Post # 6
    16217 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    I’d give a gift just as if it were a first wedding.

    Post # 7
    3175 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I’d give a gift, but maybe not a traditional gift. I would probably give some money & a nice bottle of wine or something. Maybe tickets to a show or a GC to a restaurant. Presumably, they’re more established than a couple on their first marriage, so it would feel weird to me to give towels or china. 

    I’m not offended when second time couples register. The only time I’d be offended is if they do the same things that offend me with a first time couple: ask for money, list registry on the invitation, etc. A registry doesn’t mean a gun is held to my head making me buy off it. If they need new towels, they need new towels. Besides, maybe one of the two is on his/her first wedding, and I think everyone should get to experience all the traditional wedding stuff (registering included) if they wish.

    Post # 8
    216 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I would give a gift no matter what. I’ve been invited to someone’s 5th wedding (and all the ones before it). I gave a gift. But I know that they didn’t want gifts and didn’t register. I just think it’s polite to give a gift, I mean they are still paying money to host and feed everyone.

    Post # 9
    41 posts
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I can only speak as a guest – and I think there would be lots of other factors coming into play.  Is it a second marriage for both the bride and groom, or just one or the other?  Which do I know, and how closely, etc?  How long ago was it (as my financial circumstances could have changed drastically in-between, too)? 

    I don’t believe in coming empty-handed as a guest (at weddings or in general) – so I would give the happy couple something.  Particularly if it is the groom’s second marriage, but the brides first, I would be more inclined to go off the registry.

    Post # 10
    9620 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    i’d give a gift, just because their first marriage didn’t work out, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t get a gift this time. the ONLY time i wouldn’t give a gift for a second wedding, is if they got married to each other for the second time (ie. a renewal of vows), and even then i might give something small

    Post # 11
    2401 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Yeah, I’d never show up at a wedding without a gift, no matter how many times I saw them get married previously.

    Post # 12
    804 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I’m a second time bride and don’t expect gifts from anyone, but I especially don’t expect gifts from people who went to my first wedding…though it is kind of sucky for my Fiance, since it’s his first wedding.

    As for being awkward receiving them the second time around, well…my situation is weird, but my ex spitefully broke a bunch of the “first” gifts and threw out a bunch that couldn’t be broken before he left.  So I still need to buy them again when I can afford it, and keeping track on a registry makes it really easy and you get the registry benefits.  Also, for half the guests it’ll be a first wedding anyway so I don’t feel bad about using a registry.  IMO, as long as one guest there wants to buy a gift in their price range and they want to use a registry to pick it, a registry is just fine and it’s no different than a first wedding in that regard.

    Post # 13
    5977 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @HappierKate:  Wow…what a horrible thing your ex did. What a shame he couldn’t be mature about the situation.

    I would give another gift. I think there are so many circumstances where a marriage doesn’t work out and you have no idea what happened behind closed doors. Or…for instance, I have a good friend who got re-married after her husband was killed in Iraq. Technically, it was her second marriage, but it wasn’t by choice that her first ended.

    Post # 14
    913 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I’m an encore bride and I don’t expect gifts (and I didn’t expect them in my previous wedding either). But I do think that it’s pretty judgmental of you not to value the second marriage as much as the first. In my situation, my first marriage was a short-lived mistake and I deeply regret it. Now I’ve found the love of my life and it’s a completely different situation from previously. I would feel heartbroken if someone felt the way you did–oh, I’ll come to your wedding and party and celebrate, but I don’t feel it’s worth a gift. If you feel that way then you shouldn’t attend, IMO.

    Post # 15
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    @littlelucygoose:  I’m confused.  Do you mean a 2nd wedding, as in one (or both) are divorced and are marrying again OR that the couple has been married and are now exchanging vows again and are throwing a big party?

    If it’s the first example, I would give again if I wanted to.  I would assume that I would want to because I cared enough about the person/peopel and was involved in their life/lives through both marriages.  

    If it’s a vow renewal, I would probably bring something that was the equal to a housewarming or dinner party gift- something to thank them for their hospitality but not as big as wedding present.

    Post # 16
    926 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Yeah, I’m a little offended- and we’re not even registering for various reasons, we’ll be doing a donation.  Gifts for 3rd and 4th weddings?  Maybe not, but a 2nd?  Don’t be judgy.  This will be my second wedding, and a few *very,very* close friends will be invited to this one that were also at the last one.  If I felt like they thought this wedding wasn’t as “legit,” or whatever as the last one, they wouldn’t be coming.  What about people who have multiple baby showers for multiple kids?  Or people who have a birthday party every year- you know, the kind they invite you to because they really enjoy your presence, not your presents?

    Also- did you think about the fact that the bride (or groom) is PAYING for your food and booze for a second time, too?  IMO, if you feel like this marriage doesn’t deserve the same recognition you gave the last, you should politely decline the invitation.

    I truly hope your first husband is your only, and that everything works out perfectly.  Just keep in mind that everyone isn’t so lucky.

    I’ll stop before I make this conversation unproductive.



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