Post # 1
Not sure what to think here…I’m in my early 40s and getting married for the first time. Just had my bridal shower yesterday and NONE of the bridesmaids or Maid/Matron of Honor gave me a card or gift. My mom paid for the food and offered to pay for the stuff that the girls brought to the shower. 3 of 4 bridesmaids contributed. One brought cupcakes, one made lollipops, one brought inexpensive flowers for the tables. 4th one did not contribute. 2 of 4 are out of state but Maid/Matron of Honor is cousin, BMs are long time friends over 20 years. This is completely unexpected since is seems very out of character. All are well established in their careers, late 30s to early 40s and are working professionals who do well. I don’t know what to think. Makes me feel bad because something doesn’t seem right. Note: The only expense the girls paid for were the dresses which were fairly reasonable. Hair/make up/jewelry and shoes are all left to their choice options. Another note, there has not been any drama or difficulty. I have not asked for any help with planning except to go shopping with one bridesmaid who offered to make the ring bearer pillow and add ribbons to the 2 baskets she is making which I have paid for and another one to proofread the ceremony program and that is it. Note in past, 3 of 4 have always been the gift giving type on birthdays etc….One bridesmaid asked me a few weeks ago where I preferred to have the gift sent and then stayed with me for her visit and mentioned that she did not get a gift when I said that I had not received it yet.
Any advice on how to find out why?
Post # 3
Usually when bridesmaids help plan/pay for the shower, they do not (have to) buy a gift. It seems like this is not the case. Maybe they are planning to contribute to a larger wedding gift or towards a bachelorette party. Either way, please write thank you notes for the gifts you DID get ASAP (so many people forget this), and try not to let it bother you. I don’t think you should ask them about a gift or bring it up at all. Try to put it out of your mind and enjoy the fact that your wedding has (thusfar) been drama free!
Post # 4
If it were me, I would just leave it alone. There could be a number of reasons why they didn’t get you a gift. I wouldn’t push it as far as why they didn’t get you something or if they plan to get you something. Maybe they just can’t afford it. Although they may be established and older, it could possible just not fit into the budget right now. Maybe they didn’t know that a gift was expected.
Who knows. I wouldn’t ask about it though. That could be awkward. I would be offended if someone asked why I didn’t get them something…or even if they just hinted as to why.
Post # 5
3 of 4 bridesmaids contributed
their gift was their contribution and time – although a card would have been nice but sadly it seems to be the way society is these days
my advise is let it go and smile – enjoy that your wedding so far has been drama free. goodluck
Post # 6
There could be a million reasons they didnt bring anything. I would give them the benefit of the doubt.
Post # 7
I would let it go. There could be many different reasons why, but it will probably create drama and stress if they think they were expected to bring a gift.
Post # 8
There’s no polite way to inquire about a lack of gift. I’d just forget about it and carry on. Those who contributed (even just in a small way) probably thought that their contribution was their gift and they’d be correct. As for the Bridesmaid or Best Man who didn’t contribute, oh well. Gifts are nice but not a necessity.
Post # 9
I agree with PPs, let it go. It seems like you had a nice shower, and 3 of the girls contributed financially. Their gift to you was giving money (for some), and their time for the shower and baking or decorations. I wouldn’t expect gifts from BMs at a shower. I think bringing it up to them would make things unnecessarily awkward.
Post # 10
Yikes! Well all you can do is just forget about it.
It was pretty rude of them though. I believe that BMs should still give gifts. None of my BMs attended my shower though. From what I’ve seen at bridal showers I’ve been to, BMs normally did a “BM gift” and it was something cutesy, off registry and the bride’s style.
Maybe your BMs did more than you think? Invites alone set me back $60 for one shower I planned.
Post # 11
I agree with everyone else to let it go. However it does seem very odd. I have been a Bridesmaid or Best Man several times and helped throw showers and always gave a gift. Depending on how much I contributed sometimes the gift was less than others. One time all of the Bridesmaid or Best Man chipped in and sent the bride a gift after the shower to get her something she needed and did not get. That may be the case in your situation because it is odd that not one gave a gift.
Post # 12
I agree let it go, they a lot more money to shell out for the wedding then your other guest. I think it’s rude to ask why someone didn’t give you gift, while they are working you don’t know the personal details of their money or budget.
Post # 13
If it weren’t so out of character for the 3 bridesmaids I wouldn’t not have even posted something. One bridesmaid said clearly that she was going to send a gift to my home and then told me she didn’t so clearly, they all had a conversation and decided not to. I guess it wouldn’t feel like such a disappointment if I had gotten nice cards…these are my bridesmaids after all and I picked each one after much thought and have been very considerate throughout the process. I know for a fact that each one makes around 6 figures or a littel more so finances were definitely not the issue so I have to respectfully disagree with those who think this is about finances.
The one bridesmaid that didn’t contribute at all has been married in the past and was given a gift by me even though I could not attend her shower. The others have been generous in the past as I have been with them…
Just needed some unbiased advice because this just doesn’t feel right based on what I know about my friends….Thanks for the advice!
Post # 14
Just as an outsider, I think you should just assume the best intentions in this instance. If the Bridal Party contributed to the shower, in my area/family they would not bring a gift to the shower in addition to that. At this point I would just let it go.