(Closed) “No gifts necessary” question

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: If you can't attend a "no gifts necessary" wedding, what do you do?
    Always send a card and a gift : (2 votes)
    9 %
    Send a card and a gift if you're close to the couple; just a card if not : (10 votes)
    45 %
    Send just a card : (7 votes)
    32 %
    Don't send anything : (3 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1576 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Our wedding will be a no gifts wedding. But we would still like to get cards!

    Post # 4
    Member
    5786 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I’d send a card and a gift if I was close to the couple and a card otherwise but guys are generally clueless so I wouldn’t be upset with him for not sending a card. None of the single guys who missed our wedding have sent us a card (6 guys).

    Post # 4
    Member
    5786 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I’d send a card and a gift if I was close to the couple and a card otherwise but guys are generally clueless so I wouldn’t be upset with him for not sending a card. None of the single guys who missed our wedding have sent us a card (6 guys).

    Post # 5
    Member
    3866 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @mightywombat: I think it all depends on the person and couple involved.  

    Example: we went to a friends wedding and it was pretty much the same thing.  The friend didn’t care about a gift, just so long we could come and my fi could do some mixing (they had him make up a signature drink…).  We took a card because I insisted.  My FI didn’t really care if we took a card or not.

    Another example: when my brother’s best friend go married (who I was nuts about before realizing he’s a womanizing jerk, to be VERY nice about it), we never got an invite though it never arrived in our mail box.  We didn’t send a card OR gift.  

    For my FI’s best friend’s wedding (ok, both, since it WILL happen, lol), we’ll end up getting them presents because, well, they’re our best friends.  Even if they say “no presents”, they’ll be getting something (again, best friends!).

    I know some people just send Facebook congrats/wishes if they can’t go (even if they were invited).  Others would send a card, in the very least.  

    As for the “proper” etiquette thing, I think a card is required, but nothing more.  

    Post # 7
    Member
    1696 posts
    Bumble bee

    Many brides are surprised to learn that formal etiquette does not acknowledge the existence of “cards” — at least not the kind that you are talking about. The kind that formal etiquette acknowledges are white unfolded paste-board about three by two inches in size, and bear your formal name and address, and optionally your “at home” hours. The other kind — the Hallmark/Carlton kind, are commercial products and are considered inelegantly commercialized. Formal etiquette tends to scorn commercialization.

    Etiquette does acknowledge notes of congratulation, which should be written on your personal note paper (either your formal notepaper or your informal fold-over notes). These can be written as soon as you see the engagement announcement, receive the wedding announcement, or at any time up to a year following the wedding. You cannot count on tallying them up at the wedding itself or displaying them as a sign of your popularity.

    So-called “wedding” presents. by the way, are also not really associated with the wedding event itself. They are given as a celebration of the start of the marriage itself. No-one outside the couple gets to take part in the marriage, and the marriage proceeds whether a given guest can attend the wedding or not. So (by formal etiquette) one gives a present if one desires to give and is close enough to the couple to know that it will be acceptable, without regard to whether he accepts or declines (or even receives) an invitation.

    Post # 8
    Member
    6661 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I’ve honestly never understood why people say “Why didn’t they at LEAST send a card?” when referring to people who don’t send wedding gifts. To me, a card is just saying “Congrats” which, as long as you say it in person then it’s totally unnecessary to also send a card. Do you mean a card with money? Because otherwise I think saying “Congrats” or attending the wedding substitutes sending a card saying congrats.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think this post is an example of the problem with no gifts. Though the sentiment is nice and appreciated by so many, it is very confusing for the guests.

    Those that take gifts despite your request are still thought to be doing the right thing. And those that abide by the couples wishes are embarrassed to have not brought something and privately spoken about doing the wrong thing. There are other problems with the request but they don’t pertain to this question.

    I agree with the OP that this guest followed their direction and they cannot be upset with him for that.

    Post # 10
    Member
    685 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Nothing. I’m not a fan of card (giving or receiving). If the couples know me, they’ll understand. If they are offended/hurt, so be it.

    The topic ‘“No gifts necessary” question’ is closed to new replies.

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