Post # 1
We got married last Saturday and it was fabulous! However, there were some disturbing things that happened:
-Rehearsal: I had to call my FILs who were not at the church. Said they did not know they had to be there. They showed up and FMIL was intoxicated. finished up rehearsal at the hotel and she said was telling my coordinator to hurry up because she was paying for the rehearsal dinner room for 10 minutes already. She had a groom’s cake there and it said Congratulations to her son only! I could not belive it. She had the same DJ at the reharsal that my father was having at our wedding and she proceeded to tell him what he would play the night of my wedding. I was mortified and upset.
-Wedding day: No gift, not even a CARD from my in-laws, or husband’s brother. And they had the nerve to ask me the night before if my father was hosting a breakfast for the hotel guests!!!
In fact, there were several people who did not give gifts. Maybe I’m wrong in expecting one? However, if someone even invites me to a bday party or over for coffee I make sure I come w/something in my hands. Did you encounter this? Did you call people out on it?
Post # 3
It’s impolite to actually bring gifts to the acutual wedding. Eddiqute says you have up to 1 year (I believe) to send a gift.
That being said, becasue my family is all traveling so damn far-if they show up-that’s my present!
Post # 4
At least where I am from, most people do not bring physical gifts to weddings. Maybe they are planning to mail them.
Gifts are not a requirement and should not be expected. They are a nice gesture of course and always appreciated but again not required. I think it would be very rude to call someone up and ask where there gift was or why they didn’t give you one.
Post # 5
According to you, they paid for the rehearsal dinner / DJ for rehearsal dinner. That sounds like a lovely gift.
Post # 6
Oh dear, there’s always something that has to go awry with a wedding, isn’t there? I would let the entire rehearsal dinner go as a wash, it’s over and done with anyway, there’s nothing to be done so just count that as one of those weirder nights you’d rather forget.
As for the gifts, no one is really required to give you anything, and since the In Laws gave you a rehearsal dinner, maybe they decided that was where their generosity to you and their son ended, which is their perogative.
In relation to the other guests who did not give you a gift, consider their company and support their contribution. Calling them to ask will create a terribly awkward situation where they feel you only wanted a gift and you feel like they wanted dinner…but times are hard for everyone, and guessing at the circumstances is not your place, they were invited to celebrate your wedding, a gift would have been lovely but it certainly isn’t required.
Post # 7
I agree that it would be rude to call them out. A wedding is a celebration of the love between you and your husband, not a gift giving event.
Post # 8
@MrsWBS: I think it would be very rude to call someone up and ask where there gift was or why they didn’t give you one.
Agreed. What do you even say when you make that call, anyway? “Yo, where’s my present? I want my presents!” I don’t see that going well.
Post # 9
Oh, boy. I know where this thread is going.
OP, if the dozens of previous threads on this topic are any indication, you will be told that gifts cannot be expected from wedding guests and that you should be grateful for their presence.
Post # 10
@cmbr: Yes. Exactly.
Note the spelling of “presence,” not to be confused with “presents.”
Post # 11
A nice thank you note for the rehearsal dinner and a “thanks for sharing our special day” is still in order.
Personally, I plan to write thank yous to everyone who attends my wedding, gift or not. It’s just the nice thing to do.
Post # 12
Please don’t call them out on it. I didn’t get gifts or a card from my parents or from one of my sisters, but I wasn’t expecting it. They travelled a long way to celebrate with us, helped decorate, paid for our hotel room, my sister made my sash, table numbers, signage, etc. We received gifts from about 2/3 of our 65 guests. I know some still intend to give. But really, I would not be offended if they didn’t. Weddings can be expensive to attend (often buying a new dress, hotel rooms, travel, etc.), be happy that they celebrated with you.
Your MIL’s behavior, that I understand being ticked off about, but I think that too you need to let go. At least she got out most of her crazy at the rehearsal dinner and not the wedding right? 🙂
Post # 13
Over half my guests (that showed up) didn’t even bring a card let alone a gift. I don’t mean as couples, I mean 75 people showed up and 15 couples brought cards or a gift. 40 people who RSVP’d they were coming didn’t even show up at all actually, which of course cost us a lot of money. I wasn’t super happy about any of that but I just let it all go. I am just happy the wedding was great, that it’s over and that I got to marry my love. I think my older more formal family members got pretty upset but I also told them to let it go.
Also I did not have any showers or pre wedding parties. The gifts at the wedding were the only gifts we got period.
Post # 14
Yes, I think you are wrong for expecting gifts. Gifts are traditionally given at weddings, but they aren’t required. Some people cannot afford to give you one, or gave you one at the shower, or may send you one after the wedding (that happened to us with several people).
I do think it’s weird they didn’t get you a card, but that happens. I’m pretty sure our BM, my BIL, did not get us a card for our wedding. But he was there standing next to us, planned the bachelor party, etc. and that’s what matters. Your IL’s hosted a rehearsal dinner for you and I agree with PP in thinking that is a lovely gift right there.
Also, FWIW, I don’t think it was out of line for your MIL to request the DJ play certain songs at your wedding nor was anyone out of line asking if a brunch was to be hosted. It’s pretty common to have a brunch after a wedding. If they made a stink about it, then yes, they are in the wrong, but I don’t see what was so terrible about them asking…
Post # 15
I agree with you that if you’re invited to a party, especially a wedding, you should bring SOMETHING. Minimum, if you’re dead broke, should be a nicely written card. I wouldn’t ever show up to a wedding empty handed. However, I wouldn’t “follow up” with people who didn’t give gifts. That’s about as bad as showing up empty-handed. You learned a little something about the character of these people. Take that knowledge with you and move forward… but stay polite and doing the right thing.
Post # 16
Oh my gosh, it would be so incredibly rude to call anyone out on not getting a gift. We went to my BIL wedding a couple years ago, we had to travel a ways and SO spent a fortune on renting the tux because he wzs the best man, we didn’t give a present because we simply couldn’t afford more. We love them dearly and it was no reflection on how excited we were for the wedding.