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um. gifts aren't supposed to be something you expect to get for getting married.
Sure, they're nice, but not required.
However, to not even congratulate you is kinda rude, imo. I wouldn't let them ruin my anniversary party though, that's just - well, that's "letting them win" for lack of a better term.
Hold on, I don't get it. You didn't have a reception and you are still expecting gifts? I don't know if it is the norm in your social circle but I don't give gifts where there is no wedding. I am also confused about who didn't give you a gift. Are you saying the entirety of his family including those who were not invited (If so, please so above). If you are just referring to those who were on the cruise, did you pay for them to go? If not, I don't think you have much of a leg to stand on here. Their gift to you was coming. Your decision to give a gift to a wedding that you had to travel to was just that, your decision.
Please clarify if I am getting anything wrong.
If they didn't attend the wedding, this is the reason you prob havn't recieved any gifts.
A chunk of my husbands side of the family as well as mine did not attend, and we did not recieve gifts from them.
I think many people feel that if you don't attend the wedding, then you don't get a gift; I really think this is a very popular thought.
they might be upset/resentful that the family wasn't invited (or that more than 6 people in the family weren't invited). other than not giving a gift, which might be frustrating but definitely is not disrespectful, have they actually disrespected you? it sounds like they just wanted to be there but weren't invited because you chose a cruise with an 8-person package. if that's the case, i think they're rightfully upset, but you all need to get over it and move on.
the cousin's wedding that we went to in NC, we didn't even receive a gift from THEM and we went to that cousin's father's funeral (the Uncle
was this cousin on the cruise because if not why do you feel they are required to give a gift?
anyways...,. as you are having a large reception later on then maybe people will be giving gifts at that occasion instead
If they see it as a reception, they're probably waiting for that to give you something.
I was always under the impression that if you know that someone in the family is getting married and you know what their plans were, you always send something. That's the way we do it in my family, I guess everybody is different. People were invited and we had people coming up to us telling us that they wanted to go on the cruise, all information was given to everybody, via our website. We were going to choose the biggest package, to accommodate people, but when it got closer, we heard from no one and decided to downgrade. People were angry, but that still doesn't mean that you don't do something.
I guess Im just more upset that no one congratulated him or anything. His own parents didn't even give us a gift, just a card and they were on the cruise.
The only people who were at the ceremony were his and my parents, his sister, the best man and the best man's girlfriend. They didn't give gifts, and DH didn't even receive a bachelor party (even though it was promised to him by the best man and I gave his best man all of his friends names and phone numbers to call, months in advance for him to set it up)
Again, I ask. Did they pay their way on the cruise. If so, you really shouldn't expect an additional gift.
This is just my experience, but I have found that:
I've known people who fly to destination weddings and still bring a gift. Because it's the right thing to do.
I've sent congratulatory cards to family/friends who have gotten married. It's the right thing to do.
Then I really don't understand the problem. I am not saying there is a blanket rule, but its pretty common in wedding knowledge that if you go to a destination wedding, nothing else is expected (largely because the bride and groom often save money by having a DW...which you did; and because they have already laid out a substantial sum to be at your day).
Disagreements, please voice them. I would love to hear.
As for the rest of the fam, how about waiting on your actual reception (or 1 year party whatever) and see if you get gift. I probably wouldn't get you anything tho because a 1 year party after a DW seems a lil gift grabby to me. You chose to have a DW and a year later you are expecting gifts at an anniversary party like it was your original wedding. Again, just my opinion but I wouldn't get you anything extravagant.
@Aliveinjuly: Mo way. If i paid my way for the cruise I would bring a card....but not a gift...my $1,500 plus presence is the gift i suppose.
@Aliveinjuly: Mo way. If i paid my way for the cruise I would bring a card....but not a gift...my $1,500 plus presence is the gift i suppose.
"Another one of his cousin's asks me 'Why are you guys having a reception next year?'"
If someone commented on that then maybe many people think it is a reception and may eb waiting to bring something to that party. Even though you are calling it an anniversary party, others may have a different perception of it.
I also agree, that if people werent invited many, many people wont give a present no matter how small the wedding was. Also if they paid the expense to go, they very likely may not give a present. Yes, many may still give a present and I would if it were me, but you can't expect people to pay for a trip to spend the day with you and then spend more money for a present.
@Aliveinjuly: Just because You think something is the right thing to do, doesn't mean Everyone does. In fact, I think you can find a ton of people (as guests) who feel the opposite way. What may be more of a surprise is that I think many brides/grooms who have DW don't feel like you at all. In fact, every DW I have ever been invited to said something along the lines of "your presence is presents enough."
Plus, as I said and others have said, the gifts may come when you actually have your home party.
What does going to a funeral have to do with what presents you get from relatives? What am I missing? I am sure that after your reception you will get plenty. But trying to go tit for tat based on what you have done seems a bit petty. Especially when you mention funerals.
Gifts are not a right. They're a social custom that typically occurs at a reception, which you did not have. My advice to you is to forget about how offended you are about not getting gifts, plan an awesome 1-year party, and enjoy the fact that you have friends and family.
Hmm to be honest if I paid my way for the cruise, I would probably not bring a gift MAYBE something smaller, but I would definitely bring a card. And it sounds like everyone knows about your anniversary party so I would bring a gift then. Just my two pennies.
quote: BTW, the cousin's wedding that we went to in NC, we didn't even receive a gift from THEM and we went to that cousin's father's funeral (the Uncle). unquote
so you think you should get a present because you went to a funeral, or because you got married.
I'm kind of confused by all of this. Did you even register? So you planned on having more people come, but then no one said they were coming so you got the package for 8 ppl instead and then ppl were mad because it was for 8 ppl only?? I feel like I'm missing something. And no, I don't think anyone owes you presents. Maybe everyone is preoccupied with the funeral that took place the day after you got back from your cruise, that kind of seems more important to me. I'm blown away by your cavalier attitude towards the people who have lost a loved one. Priorities.
DH and I had a quickie JoP wedding with only immediate family members. Because it was totally spur of the moment and last minute, our family members didn't even have gifts for us. And, we told them no gifts after the fact because they'd done so much for us over the years.
I didn't invite people to my wedding and we didn't have a post-JoP reception mainly because i didn't feel that a fancy wedding or reception were appropriate for a couple who had been together for quite awhile and had 3 kids before hitting the altar.
I didn't expect a single gift just because I got married. We were surprised when we got two or three gifts in the mail since we sure as hell didn't do anything to deserve them. Just because we got married doesn't mean we deserved gifts or people acknowledging our wedding. If people didn't congratulate us, I didn't care. And I certainly did not remind anyone that we got married.
i always thought gifts werent expected at 1) destination weddings and 2) encore weddings. i think people definitely should congratulated you, but i think you may be fooling yourself with the gift thing.
I'm actually kind of confused about the whole situation. So you invited everyone in his family and no one responded so you downgraded? Can you give us more information about that whole aspect? Were people happy that you were getting married? How well do you know them all?
I mean if my cousin was getting married to someone I barely knew in an 8 person ceremony on a cruise ship, I might not send a gift. If I was invited but couldn't make it I might send one. But if I was invited, could make it then was uninvited because it was 'downgraded' I might be kind of mad about that.
I find it funny that you weren't expecting gifts from YOUR side of the family because (quote) " I had the big whoopteedoo wedding the first time around and didn't expect any gifts from my family, cause I had everything and this wedding was not expensive." (unquote)
But apparently your husbands family doesn't get extended the same courtesy? Bit of a double standard there sweetie?
And don't even get me started on the rudeness of that last part of the sentence. Oy mi cryumba.
I was pretty sure if you weren't invited to the wedding, you didn't send a present. Otherwise I owe about 50cousins a wedding present.
We went to my nieces DW and she told everyone not to get her a present, because her gift was our attendance. We paid our own ways there.
If you wait till your anniversary party, before you write off his family, you may be pleasantly surprised.
Maybe instead of an anniversary party you two can go out to a nice romantic dinner by yourselves. This way you won't have to worry about who gave you what and who didn't.
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Okay..here goes. We had a lovely wedding in July on a cruise ship. Our package only allowed for 8 people, including b/g. So, we're at his cousin's wedding that WE drove down to NC for and paid for our hotel/gift. Another one of his cousin's asks me "Why are you guys having a reception next year?" I tell here "Because your cousin wants his family there." It's not a reception, but a 1 year anniversary party.
During that cousin's wedding, his sister acts a fool and asks why she can't bring a date to our wedding (remember the 8 people rule?) I politely explained that this not the time or place to bring that up (She was invited to the wedding anyway and came alone) I tell her that we are only allowed 8 people, blah, blah, blah. She threw a fit and confronted FI, now DH and she really hurt him.
Fast forward to now, not one of his family members even gave a card or a gift. This is my second wedding and his first, so I was a little blown away at the cavalier attitude. I know that you have a year to give a gift, but no one called to congratulate us. The only time they said anything was at his Uncle's funeral, which was a day after we came back. I had the big whoopteedoo wedding the first time around and didn't expect any gifts from my family, cause I had everything and this wedding was not expensive.
Is this behavior normal? I'm ready to call off the anniversary party, cause these people are so disrespectful. He's planning to invite a lot of them and I told him, to invite people that actually care.
BTW, the cousin's wedding that we went to in NC, we didn't even receive a gift from THEM and we went to that cousin's father's funeral (the Uncle).