Post # 1
I am just coming down off of the flu, and still having a cough/runny nose.
I kept my little brother the week before Christmas. He is seven months, teething, sick and not really used to me. He screamed the entire time I had him. By the time he went home, I was dishevled and hadn’t slept a bit. I decided I would not be keeping him again until he is older. I kind of alluded to the fact that I’d had a hard time with him to my dad, but I guess he didn’t get the message. Christmas day is when I got sick. My dad’s gf text me a few days into my sickness and I could tell she was trying to fill me out on whether or not I would babysit for her! I kindly informed her that I was sick. That was last week sometime.
Yesterday, I woke up to messages on FB from her:
I’m gonna have to ask you if you can keep (my brother) for me for a few days either this week or next? I really need a break and he seems to do really good for you. The only other person I can ask is my sister and she’s got a lot going on right now.
Then, a few minutes later:
Actually, I’m gonna need it this week. Please call me and let me know when I can bring him.
Umm, wtf?! You need a break?! I don’t think so! Just to fill all of you in, this girl is one of the most incompetent “mothers” I’ve ever known. Her and my father have had five children together. They have custody of one. Which is the baby. I thought they’d turned their lives around and seemed to be really into raising this child properly. I guess the new has worn off. Back in December, when she asked me to watch my brother with the same attitude and sense of entitlement as in the above messages, she told me she needed a break and had no one to keep him. When she got to my house to drop the baby off, she slipped up and I found out he’d been at my aunt’s house for several days. So, she hadn’t had him all week!
I just don’t feel like doing the whole baby thing. I love my brother and everything, but he’s not MY child and it is exhausting. I haven’t responded to the messages. I’m not really too sure what I should say? Ughh. It seems like I am constantly in some sort of situation like this and I struggle with telling people no.
Post # 3
UGH I can’t stand that!
Message her back and say, “I’m sorry, I’ve been sick and I need a break as well. If I am going to continue to babysitting for you as much as I have lately, I am going to need payment because I am sacrificing my days to watch your son.”
I’m sure there’s a nicer way to word it, but I’m in a mood today anyway so I can’t find one, LOL!
*side note: I hope you’re feeling way better soon!*
Post # 4
These are the people that are populating the world… we are so fucked.
Anyway, just tell her you can’t, you’re not available, ect. Simple as that. Its not your responsibility, or anybody elses for that matter, to “give her a break” from her own son.
Just be firm with her. People like that will take a mile when you give them an inch…
Post # 5
Poor baby and poor you… I hope she gets her act together soon or Im afraid he’ll be taken away too
Post # 6
I would say this ” As much as I adore the opportunity to spend time with my brother I am afraid I am unavailable to watch him this week.”
Can’t really argue with that, and if she does show up unannounced, just don’t answer the door.
Post # 7
“I love spending time with my brother, but I dont think he enjoyed the last long visit. This week doesnt work but I would be happy to have him on X day from 5-8pm so you two can go to dinner, but right now I dont think overnights are going to work”
Post # 8
Poor kiddo. 🙁
You don’t have to give a reason, just say “I’m sorry, I’m busy this week.”
Post # 9
@PacificMrs: Lol, thank you! I would tell her a lot worse than that, even. Actually, the funny part is, I had an issue with my SIL and MIL the other day because I said I wouldn’t keep my nephew on Saturday. So, I posted to FB (I know this probably wasn’t the best thing) that I was tired of people putting their kids off on me. So, I know my dad’s gf had to have seen that, yet asked me if I’d watch hers, anyway. I wouldn’t even mind keeping him one night. But, she never just wants one night. She wants at least three. I can’t do that. The baby is spoiled and if you dare walk away from him, he screams horribly. You have to sit right where he can see you or he freaks. I have neighbors close and I don’t want them calling the cops thinking I’m hurting the baby, so I just have to hold him or sit in front of him all day and can’t get anything done.
@CherryWaves: Yeah, she refuses to stop populating, which is the scary part. She gave up the first four she had with my dad, and now is acting like this ONE baby is too much. She has a job where she actually gets to bring the baby to work with her. She has it made. Most parents don’t get a “break.” If they do, it’s like one night or something. Anyway, she blantantly refuses to get her tubes tied or partake in some form of BC. When she has the babies, she has this odd sense of entitlement where she expects help from others. My aunt has this baby at least two nights a week!
Post # 10
@missrobots: I feel really bad for him because he is super sweet and deserves a mom who is going to be 100% devoted to him. Me and DH are kinda freaked out because the only people in the family who can take him if his mom gives him up/he gets taken are us and we’re not ready to be parents.
Post # 11
@Pinksapphire: Wow! People like that should not have children..that might sound mean but its true. I would firmly say no. You are just getting over being sick and you dont think its a good idea for you to watch him and leave it at that.
Post # 12
This attitude to parenting just boggles my mind. Your dad needs to get “the snip”. I really don’t know what to add except you need to say a big fat “No”, perhaps with “he’s your son, not mine”.
Post # 13
No. Just no. I am a mom of a two year old. My parents watch her maybe 2-3 nights a month and that is if THEY ask for her. When your a parent you don’t get a break. You spread your legs now time to put your big kid panties on and deal. Some parents (shouldn’t even be called parents) blow my mind.
Post # 14
The worst thing that can happen is that she confronts you for ignoring that. And just say, Oh yes, I read that, I just dont have the time to do that.
You’re only being honest, and she knows not to ask again.
Post # 15
What a cheek!! I can’t stand it when mothers don’t take responsibility. She is the one who made him, it is her job to look after him, or to find a suitable childcare or babysitting arrangement.
I’ve kind of been in a similar situation as you. This woman I know has phoned, texted, emailed etc to tell us that she will be dropping her daughter off for a sleep over. Just before New Years, I got a txt message from her saying that she thought it would be nice for her to drop off her daughter during the week one night, because she was going out. I thought it was so rude, I mean, I have a life too! I just replied saying no, and everything was sorted. On a seperate occassion with a different woman I was constantly used as a last minute baby sitter. One day, I gave her a few pamphlets about baby sitting services and after school programmes in the area, and that shut her up a bit. These women are advantage takers, who will nag, beg, play the poor me card etc. I find the best thing is to be blunt and say no, you can’t do it. Also, you could find out about baby sitting agencies and refer her to one of them, or, look into baby sitting rates for babies and charge her for your services Don’t let her think she can get anything for free!
Good luck OP!
ETA: Also, you could tell her that you don’t think it would be good for either him or you seeing as you’re sick.
Post # 16
You should say,
“WHY YES! I WOULD LOVE TO WATCH YOUR BEBEH! IN FACT, TO ENSURE YOU GET PLENTY OF SLEEP…